Ex Marks the Spot

Dear Brian,
When does the ex become the ex? My new guy has trouble with his ex still being a part of his life. Their relationship was a disaster. His ex broke the trust in their relationship by bringing a third party home and then it opened a can of worms. It got to the point where my boyfriend was going out and searching for a third to please his ex. Then his ex would stand there and watch him with another guy. My boyfriend decided that he had enough and moved on. Now the ex is back in the picture and doesn't know to become the ex. My boyfriend won't tell him to back off but every time they talk he tells him that nothing else will ever happen between them. It's just a friendship. My question is do I confront the ex and ask him to walk away with respect or do I just get in his face and let him know where the sun sets? My advice to my ex has been to put some distance between them for a few months. After a few months, if he wants to be friends then time will tell? I am far from jealous but just tired and want him to leave us alone. Please help me. Thanks - Baffled

Dear Baffled
The ex should become the ex when he's shown the door, but it's important to lock it behind him. Your boyfriend hasn't done that, and is letting his ex walk all over him just as he seems to have done when they were together. The ex should be confronted, but not by you. Your boyfriend is the one who should show some backbone and tell the ex that it's OVER! The ex is clearly a manipulative jerk, so getting rid of him may not be easy, but he's bound to disappear if your boyfriend puts his foot down and makes it clear he's no longer welcome in his life. Your boyfriend may just be too mild-mannered and polite to confront his ex, and may still have some feelings for him, but a confrontation, complete with firm commands for the ex to hit the road, is the only way he'll get rid of him. Your job is to confront your boyfriend and give him an ultimatum: either he closes the door for good on his ex, or you'll close the door on him.

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