My Man Hates Sex

Dear Brian,
I'm spurred to ask for advice on this issue after reading curious George's letter. I'm in the same boat - just on the other side of the paddle. The problem is, my guy has 'symptoms' similar to George's. Oh, he's very comfortable with his sexuality but he's not interested in anal sex and finds giving oral sex unpleasant. Yes, he'll perform it if asked, because he cares about me but the look of dislike is too strong for me to want to ask. What do I do? If I give him an ultimatum and say "My needs include (fill in the blank)", I may get the raw end of the threat that I'm not honestly prepared to follow-up. I am fully emotionally invested (completely, intoxicatingly in love, actually - everything but the sex is awesome). I don't honestly think I can cope emotionally with an open relationship and I never have, nor ever will, cheat. But I don't know how long I can go without two of my favorite sexual activities without frustration either. From what I can see those are my three suboptimal options... are there more for me to consider? What is your sage advice? Thanks! 
- My Guy George

Dear My Guy George,
Does he enjoy oral sex when he’s the one receiving it? He may not be sufficiently turned on by the sight of an erect penis or even by having one in his mouth, and needs something more to get him off. If so, you might suggest the 69 position in which he gives as good as he gets and at the same time. If he likes being sucked off, the stimulus from receiving a blow job may make sucking you off more exciting for him. And shower before he goes down on you to make sure there aren’t other factors at work, such as hygiene, that could explain his lack of interest. With anal sex, try masturbating his penis while you’re penetrating him. I’m not sure what to recommend when he’s penetrating you, but maybe your reaction - maybe some dirty talk ("F— me, stud!") - could inspire him to a greater climax. You might also try varying the position. The one on the receiving end in anal sex doesn’t have to be lying on his stomach. Try lying on your back so you’re facing each other. Does he have any fantasies that may add to his excitement? Leather? Lace? Crossdressing? Master/slave? If you don’t know, and can’t get him to talk about it, try a few scenarios but be ready to drop them if he seems uncomfortable or just not interested. If none of these suggestions are helpful, you may need to either accept that sex is not going to be a big part of an otherwise great relationship, or you’ll need to seek counseling. He may have picked up some unpleasant associations with sex in his youth, and needs professional help to overcome it. Since you’re "intoxicatingly in love," it would be worth the effort.

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