In a Funk

Dear Brian,
I need help! I've been trying to find a lover, partner and I can’t get anything from other gay men. I do not know what I'm doing wrong. Where I live there isn't a place for gay men to hang out or to just meet. So I went to the 'net and it still doesn't help. I live in Traverse City, MI.
- Funkthis

Dear Funkthis,
If there isn’t a place for gay men to hang out in your area, that could make meeting a gay man difficult. But I think if you look a little harder, you’re bound to find a gay bar somewhere in the vicinity. While I recommend making a greater effort to find a gay gathering place in your area, I would suggest you stop looking so hard for a "lover, partner." How about trying to make some friends first, who may or may not become a lover, or may provide the link to meeting one? If all you want is sex, it’s okay to make your desires known. There are plenty of men who are looking for nothing else. But if you want a partner, a lover - a boyfriend - you don’t want to appear desperate. A man wants to feel you want him, not just whoever happens to be available. Continue looking at online personals, and expand your horizons by seeking potential partners outside of your area. If a man really fancies you, he may consider it worthwhile to travel a bit to meet up with you, and if you really fancy him, you should be willing to do the same. If something develops, the two of you can decide whether a more permanent move on either your part or his is advisable. If nothing ever develops, you simply may have to decide it’s time to leave your area and strike out for new territory, one in which the opportunities to meet men are more plentiful.

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