My Guy Kissing Dilemma

Dear Brian,
I have this little problem. All of my friends know now that I'm gay; I'm out about it and proud! I met a fabulous man; blonde hair, bright blue eyes, super-bod, farm boy, totally masculine but not macho...every gay man's fantasy, and we're hopelessly in love AND in BED all the time! But whenever I kiss my guy around my other guy friends, like, maybe just a quick peck "hello" or "goodbye" at lunch or something, my guy friends all freak out and start poking fun at us, telling us to take it somewhere else. After my boyfriend leaves, they all start going off that they think it's great that I've figured out for myself who I am, that they're really happy for me, and about how supportive they are. Then they say they were just teasing about the kissing thing, and even though I try to tell myself that they're right and they weren't being serious, it feels rude and intrusive when it's happening; it's not their place - just because they're my close pals - to tell me what to do and who with. It feels like a pecking order. Every time I try to talk to them about this issue, they say I'm whining like a woman, and to shut up about it. Can you give me some advice on how to handle this?
- RasputinTide

Dear RasputinTide,
Your friends are not unique. They say they support your decision to come out and are happy for you, and I don’t doubt their sincerity. But like a lot of straight men, they’re still a bit homophobic and are uncomfortable with any concrete indications of your sexual orientation. Kissing your man in public is pretty concrete. My charge that they are homophobic is further supported by their claim that you are "whining like a woman." They probably think a gay man is more like a woman than a man. That, in itself, is not necessarily offensive, but if they complain that you're acting like a woman, it suggests they don't respect women as much as they do men. There's a sexist element to this kind of thinking. Of course, teasing is not unusual between young men, and they might even be inclined to tease one of their friends if he was kissing a woman. It often comes down to a lack of maturity and an adherence to a macho code that shuns any expression of emotion or sensitivity. Many men are uncomfortable with ANY public displays of affection. I agree, however, that their comments are intrusive and rude. If they continue to ignore your complaints about their behavior, you may just have to make a choice: either drop these friends all together or refrain from being physically affectionate with your man in their presence. In the long run, I think the latter choice is unacceptable, so let your friends know just how offensive you find their attitudes.

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