I Can't Let Go

Dear Brian,
I'm 20 years old with two kids. I have been with my girlfriend for six years. She has been in my life ever since I can remember. I would like her to stay home and be a mom. We recently broke up. She knows I'm bi-sexual but that I prefer men. The only thing is that I'm so attached that I cannot picture her with anyone else. I'm extremely jealous. I want to f--- around but can't stand it if I even imagine her doing it to me. What is your advice? She asks me why I just don't let her go. She is extremely pretty, but I know she can't let go and I take advantage. When we go out, I get a lot of attention and it doesn't bother her. She just waits until the day that I'm faithful. When women or men hit up on me she just tries to ignore it. The thing is I want her to be happy, but I can't let go either. P.S. I took her virginity.
 - Jose

Dear Jose,
No offense, Jose, but I think you need professional help. You sound like some wigged-out character in a bad TV movie: the jealous lover who makes a mess of his relationship but refuses to face the fact that he is to blame. If you want your girlfriend to stay home and be a good wife and mother, you need to behave like a good husband (and you might consider making the union legal already since you can't expect a "girlfriend" to accept the responsibilities of a wife without also acquiring the respect that comes with that role). If you want to keep her, you'll have to knock off the f---ing around and give her your complete attention. If you won't, it may be because you can't. You say you're bi-sexual, but if you prefer men, I think you need to consider the real possibility that you're gay. Being able to "perform" with a woman don't mean shit, Jose. Sexual orientation is determined by who you WANT to perform with.

You may not be able to stand the thought of your girlfriend sampling another man's tools because those tools may bring her more pleasure than your gay tools can. All jealousy stems from insecurity, the lingering suspicion that we're not worthy. Does your desire for men make you feel insecure about your masculinity? Are you determined to hang on to your girlfriend because having a woman makes you feel like a "real man"? It's worth considering and possibly worth discussing with a professional. Your girlfriend may need some help, too, if she's willing to remain in this relationship. Dependency is not love, only a fear of the unknown and of our ability to meet the challenge it presents. If counseling is not for you, then I suggest you do the following: GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER! Either let her go, or let go of your selfish attitudes.

I think the first option makes the most sense. You prefer men, so stick to men. A man is what you need, anyway, preferably a top who'll be strong enough to dominate you the way you seem to want to dominate your girlfriend. You'll not only have the kind of sex you prefer, but someone to put his foot down and administer the discipline you need.

Back to advice archive