Am I gay?

Dear Brian,
I'm really confused about whether or not I'm gay. When I masturbate I always think of men and having sex with them. I almost always look at gay porn and hardly ever look at straight and never look at lesbian porn, but for some reason at orgasm I stop thinking of men and the thought of being with men becomes gross. I also never look at mens faces and become attracted to them like I do with women.  I never view men as attractive and never think, "oh wow, he's good looking." I only think that with women. Am I gay?
- Nat

Dear Nat,
A man doesn't need to be straight to see a woman as attractive. Gay men often admire women in ways that their straight counterparts do not, hence the phenomenon of the "fag hag," a woman who forms deep, non-sexual attachments with homosexual men. If you have no sexual feelings for women, and your masturbation fantasies revolve exclusively around sex with men, you are probably gay. If the thought of sex with men makes you feel "gross" following orgasm, it's probably because you harbor deep-seated feelings of guilt about your sexuality. That's not unusual for gay men in a society that frowns on anything but heterosexual sex. Sometimes masturbation itself makes one feel guilty regardless of the fantasy that spurred it on. Still, it could be you're still exploring your sexuality. People of all sexual orientations frequently fantasize about situations they would not want to experience in real time. You may have to ask yourself one quesion: W hen you're sexually aroused, what DO you want to do and who do you want to do it with? A man or a woman?

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