Partner Never Told His Dad He's Gay

Dear Brian,
IMy partner has never told his dad that he is gay. Now his father is in a hospital burn unit. He is afraid he will lose out on his father's love. His dad's home, truck, etc., is to go to him when his dad passes away. His dad is 75. I only met his dad after he was in the hospital. I have spoken to him about telling his dad, but he always says no. I love him very much. I lost my Mom and Dad years ago. I miss not having them and would like to get to know his dad and be a part of his family. What can I do to change things?
- Leonard

Dear Leonard,
Unfortunately, I don't think you have many options. Your partner is determined to keep his sexuality a secret from his father and maybe with good reason. Dad may be a raging homophobe who'll cut all ties to his son upon learning the truth. That may be the case no matter how nice, open-minded, and reasonable he may have seemed when you met him. Plenty of seemingly nice, open-minded, and reasonable people are none of the above when a lifestyle they consider weird or wicked threatens to take a space in their picture frame. I sympathize with your wish to share in your partner's life with his family, but that life may look more appealing when seen from the outside. Of course, it could be his dad wouldn't have a problem with your partner's gayness, in which case your partner has the problem. He may be secretly ashamed of his sexual orientation. But it doesn't matter. What matters is that it's HIS dad, and it's his right to decide what he wants to tell the old man, and also his right to keep his sexuality a secret from him. You can continue to speak to your partner about this matter, but if he continues to reject your suggestions, I'd let it rest. Don't nag him about it, or it could have a negative effect on his relationship with you.

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