The Right Age For Coming Out

Dear Brian,
Hey, I'm 18 and I know I'm gay. How old do I need to be to tell everyone, and where should I go to find someone for me to be with? Please leave my name out of it. Thanks.
- Curious

Dear Curious,
Gay people can come out at any age. The right time for one person may not be right for someone else. Nonetheless, sooner is usually better than later. The less time you spend in the closet, the more time you'll have to adjust to life as an openly gay man. At 18, you're old enough to know your sexual orientation, and you sound as though you accept it. But since you're still a minor, and, I assume, dependent on your parents, you should know them well before making an announcement. Can you trust your parents not to overreact and simply accept you as you are? If you have any doubt at all, it's best to wait until you are a legal and self-sufficient adult.

Finding someone to be with at your age could be a challenge since bars, the first place most people turn to when seeking love and romance, is out (or should be for someone so young). Are there other openly gay people your age at your school? Is your school open-minded and progressive enough to sponsor a meeting place and social activities for gay and lesbian students? If not, is there a gay and lesbian community service center in your town? If so, that could be your best bet. Most gay community centers sponsor social gatherings for gay teens, including dances and even proms.

Otherwise, just do what you enjoy doing without making a deep, dark secret of your sexuality. Pursuing your interests is always the best way to meet people. Some of them are bound to be gay. If you come out now, let me congratulate you and wish you a great gay life!

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