Keeping His Distance

Dear Brian,
I have a business associate to whom I find myself very attracted. He has told me he loves me and I have told him the same but it never goes any further. I can't figure him out. He knows I am married and maybe that is holding him back. He shies away when in person but says the sweetest things over the phone. He even sings to me all the time. How can I get him closer to me? Actually, I want a physical... relationship. Longing for his love... signed,
- In Need

Dear In Need,
Knowing that you're married could indeed be holding him back. If he's looking for a permanent relationship, he may have decided your marital ties eliminate you as a candidate. On the other hand, if that is not what he seeks, your marital status could be encouraging him in his flirtations. He may simply enjoy the playful aspects of this relationship and doesn't really want it to proceed further.

Since you're married, he may think it won't proceed further and, therefore, he's safe. Then again, he may be inexperienced with gay sex and is keeping his distance because he isn't quite ready to make love to another man. At this point, he certainly seems interested but may need a little persuading before he agrees to get physical. The next time the two of you are together and it's safe to do so, place your hand on his knee.

If he doesn't object, let your hand wander to his most private parts. Kiss him gently on the cheek at the same time and see how he reacts. Be bold but not so bold that you frighten him. But let him know beyond a shadow of a doubt the kind of relationship you want with him. If he's seeking the same, he should welcome your overtures and, at some point, respond in kind.

If he's shy (and that seems to be the case), it may take a little time, so be patient. Don't expect immediate results, but don't expect too much resistance either.

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