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FEATURE STORY

Dating Doublespeak

Things you might hear from a date at the end of the evening when they know they're not planning on ever seeing you again.

  • "Good luck with..."
  • "I'll call you."
  • "Hey, keep in touch!"
  • "What was your roommates name again?"
  • "My psychic thinks I shouldn't be in a relationship right now."
  • "Now you take care!"
  • "Um... it's been real."
  • "I'll see you around."
  • "Bye <Insert a name that vaguely sounds like yours here>!"
  • "Okay.... later"
  • "I hope you find what you're looking for."
  • "Gee, I think I'm going to be busy for the entire summer."
  • "Is your friend single?"
  • "Oooh, will you look at the time?"
  • "I'm just going to the corner store for some cigarettes."
  • "It's not you, it's me."
  • "It's not me, it's you."
  • "You know... our star signs don't match."
  • "Let's just be friends."

Things you don't want to hear on a first dinner date:

  • "Don't worry, babe. Moustache wax isn't toxic if you swallow it."
  • "Are you gonna eat that whole steak?"
  • "Whoa! Easy on the dessert!"
  • "Oops! I can't believe I left my wallet/purse/money at home. again."
  • "Shix drinkz sin't drunkk. iiii kin still drrrive."
  • "Why don't we skip dinner and just head off to your place for a quickie? ...because I've got another date in an hour."

Things you should never say in the heat of the moment:

  • "I'd like to have an open relationship."
  • "Have you started yet?"
  • "Could you hurry up? My favorite show is on soon."
  • "Hmm, I just remembered. I'm out of milk and cereal."
  • "You think your sister would be interested in a three-way?"
  • "Oooh, Steven" (your name is Sean)
  • "This is my first time." (she says as she pulls out a whip)


- by Brenda Ross

 

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