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Election Year Dating
If there's such a thing as a standard first date, it's probably a movie followed by dinner. The reason is obvious. If you and your date are still getting to know each other and are still a little uneasy in each other's presence, the movie is an ice breaker. Instead of uncomfortable silences interrupted by the occasional awkward question (“So, what do you like to do?”), the movie gives you something to talk about. It's a fairly safe topic of conversation that can give you clues about each other's thoughts and feelings without revealing too many intimate details.
Dinner and a movie may not be such a good idea if the movie is Michael Moore's “Fahrenheit 9/11,” the controversial “documentary” that reflects our deeply polarized society. Frankly, I hated the movie. I thought Moore damaged his credibility during the spoof of the classic TV western “Bonanza.” Moore superimposes the heads of the Bush administration onto the bodies of the Cartwrights but gets the theme music wrong. Instead of the memorably galloping music that introduced the inhabitants of the Ponderosa every week for 14 years, the soundtrack blasts out the theme from “The Magnificent 7.” If Moore can't get his western themes right, I'm not about to trust his attempt to tie the Bush dynasty to the Bin Ladin family.
Simply stating that opinion could lead to a heated debate (“Oh, come on, that was a joke. It hardly discredits the rest of the movie's message”). When dinner arrives, you may notice your companion is using his or her utensils more aggressively than a salad normally requires. Not only have you failed to break the ice, it's now a berg, and an otherwise romantic evening is as doomed as the Titanic.
Dating is always a bit stressful, but it's a minefield of potential disasters during an election year. Thanks to the gay marriage debate, the war in Iraq, and Michael Moore's movie, a discussion of politics is hard to avoid. If you completely ignore the subject, you risk going home wondering if your date is shallow, a self-centered narcissist oblivious to the world beyond his or her own tiny place in it. He/she may be wondering the same about you.
What can you do if the conversation turns to politics?
You can remain silent, in which case your date may use your ear as a repository for his point of view. He or she may see you as pliable, a submissive willing to forfeit all control in a relationship. Or he/she may think you're shy, a wallflower whose inhibitions have to be broken down. This could be good if you really are submissive or shy and will need him/her to take the lead, especially at the end of the evening when you may be interested in getting to know your date between the sheets. In the long run, however, you may resent not feeling free to express your point of view, especially if it's in opposition to his/hers.
If you do not share the same political beliefs, your date may decide you're a fascist, a communist, or just plain dumb, and decide then and there that there's no point in continuing the relationship. On the bright side, he/she may respect you for asserting your position, and may think that the two of you could make for an exciting combination. Opposites attract, do they not?
Sometimes they do. As they say, politics makes strange bedfellows. Conservative republican Mary Matalin and liberal democrat James Carville tied the knot shortly after the 1992 presidential campaign. Matalin worked on behalf of George H. W. Bush's failed bid for reelection and Carville helped guide Bill Clinton to victory. Perhaps they thrive on conflict, and their political disagreements make their relationship more exciting and the sex more stimulating. Then again, their home life may resemble something out of the nightmare world of George and Martha, the combative couple of Edward Albee's “Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf.”
I'll say one thing for the 43rd president: he takes a stand and sticks to it, while John Kerry remains vague on everything from the war in Iraq to gay marriage. Kerry opposes the FMA, but not enough to take a break from the campaign trail to vote on the recent measure that would have brought it to the floor for debate. Despite having won the endorsement of the Human Rights Campaign, Kerry recently stated that he would have voted in favor of an anti-gay amendment to Missouri's constitution that would not only prevent the legal recognition of same-sex marriages, but also the recognition of civil unions.
Since politicians are masters of double talk, maybe you should follow their lead when the conversation turns to politics. Speak out of both sides of your mouth or state meaningless platitudes that your date can interpret in any way he wishes. Then again, the perfect movie to see on your next date could be “Alien Vs Predator.” The horror flick might inspire a political discussion in which there will be no disagreement. As the tagline for the movie states, “Whoever wins...We lose.”
Liberal or conservative, democrat or republican, most of us can agree on that.
- by Brian Fairbanks
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