Dear Spiraling,
Let's see… where do I start?

Here's what I feel that you have going for you:
1. You've had some experience with relationships.
2. Most women think you're cute. And…
3. Dude, you are surrounded by college girls.

And what you have working against you:
1. New guy on campus with minimal contacts (which is temporary)
2. Jealous feelings towards people who care about you (and want to see you happy), and…
3. You're apparent lack of self-esteem.

I've been where you are, believe me. Everyone suffers from loneliness and some level of depression at one point or another in their lives. It's actually a positive thing for you to experience it - so when you do find yourself in a cozy set-up, you will be able to appreciate what you have. Call it character building. I also know what it's like to be the new person at school. My step-dad was in the Military and we practically moved every year. I used to tell myself "Why bother making friends when I'm going to have to leave them one day anyway?" But the other side of that coin was that I got a chance to meet a lot of new and interesting people, especially those who were patient with my gun-shy nature. And winning the award for shyest person in my senior class didn't help much either… Believe me, I know how it feels to have never had a date in high school. But, looking back, this is the stuff that makes you stronger.

I'll tell you what I did. There comes a point when you realize that you can't take it anymore and that you deserve better. I told myself that I'd had enough of being afraid to live my life, and I inadvertently began to develop a healthy layer of sarcasm to hide behind. (Every comedian starts here). I developed some hobbies. I didn't self-obsess so much anymore because I took the focus off of ME and put it on things that interested me. I started to laugh, and people laughed with me. People are naturally drawn to confident, happy people. Believe me, you will get absolutely nowhere with women if you appear angst-ridden or desperate. You attract what you put out. There are many women who will appreciate you, but for now, try to focus on appreciating the things in your life that you are already thankful for -  if you have a talent that you're proud of, then use that as a base. If you enjoy playing music, then join a group or club that specializes in that subject. You'd be surprised how that boosts one's confidence, interacting with people doing fun things together. Besides, you want to start a relationship based on shared interests, rather than to approach a stranger who might be cute but not necessarily compatible mentally.

How many times have I heard the same lament, "I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life…" At 21 years old, this statement feels much more vivid than when you're older, for some reason. An appropriate analogy for that would be something like Karen Carpenter complaining about how fat she is to Mama Cass. It just don't wash. I really don't think that I fell in love for the first time until the ripe old age of 33. And it's dangerous to put too much value on the act of having sex. These days it's better to be damn sure you know what you're getting into before you act. Don't let it be a driving force in your decision process. You're more apt to make mistakes that way. Think about it.

Think about this…All the guys stuck in full time jobs that don't have girlfriends… that only wish they had access to the hundreds of people you see every day at school. I suggest you do what one friend of mine does to meet women… You get invited to or talk your way into parties, go to events… and talk to as many pretty girls that catch your eye as you can, don't worry about rejection, just make conversation. He gets more dates than any of my other guy friends, because:

1. He makes more effort, therefore increasing his odds.
2. He doesn't let himself get devastated if a girl shows no interest.
3. He comes off as confident, a total turn-on for women, trust me.
4. If things don't work out, he winds up meeting friends of said girls at parties.

So, first things first.

1. Realize that no one cares as much about helping you fix your problems as much asYOU, so make the initiative yourself, or things will never change.
2. Try to join some clubs or activities that interest you and aren't typically male-oriented.
3. TALK to people, men and women. Ask them to go places, hear speeches, whatever…
4. Join the college paper, or start your own newsletter. Interview people around campus about different topics. About movies they've seen. About dating. People love to be asked their opinion on all sorts of subjects. Not only are you creating something cool, but you get to interview whoever you want to…
5. Join some online college based social sites - you'll find many who feel the way you do and just want someone to hang out with.
6. I'll bet a lot of people are new on campus. Post a sign that calls for a New Guy/or Gal on campus get-together at a local pub. Send a cider over to the cute girl by the bar…
7. Keep yourself busy and productive - That alone will give you a level of satisfaction in what you're accomplishing, taking your mind off of negative energy-sucking forces, and thereby making you even more interesting!
Then again, if none of this advice works, it's possible that you could be suffering from a form of clinical depression which would require medical attention and treatment.
I wish you the best, and hope you can look back on all this one day and smile, like I did.

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