|
Why do I clam up around her?
Dear Brenda,
I met this wonderful lady online and we chatted for a bit. She was so eager to meet me. We are now about a month into the relationship and I am unable to kiss her. I keep telling myself that I will but something is blocking it. I think I'm attracted to her. She said I’m playing mind games with her, but I'm a shy guy. I can't always say what’s on my mind, but she can. I've explained this to her. I don't know why I'm shy around her. I love this lady and she knows. Could it be I don't know how she feels about me? I need a way of relaxing when I'm with her, and something to talk about. I'm not much of a conversationalist but she wants me to talk and I'm unable. She's great but I need to change. She claims I wasn't like this when we first met. Help!
- Steven
Dear Steven,
I know you’re shy, but you are going to have to make some effort to communicate with your woman friend to clear things up. She might not have a lot of experience dealing with shyness, and some people have a harder time understanding something if they’ve never experienced it first hand. And she might have no idea of your inner turmoil. I used to be massively shy, so I get it.
She probably cares for you, but could be mistaking you shyness for disinterest, when in reality, it sounds like you’re just nervous when you’re around her and you want to make a better impression that you feel that you do, which explains the hesitation to kiss her. I assume you want to do this but can’t/won’t/don’t because you’re afraid. What I don’t understand is how you can say that you love this girl, but you’re not sure if you are attracted to her. That’s a whole different ballpark. Either you want a friendship or you want more. Only you can decide that, but as soon as you do, you need to let her in on it.
It’s very possible that she might not be happy in the long run with someone who isn’t a good match on a communicative and social level. Think hard about this, and pay attention to clues.
You could try this: Take her out to dinner, have a few drinks to loosen up if you need to, and explain to her that she’s very important to you, but you’re feeling conflicted about things, and you want to talk to her about the relationship. Tell her that although you struggle with shyness issues, that you will try to make an effort to be more talkative, with her support. That should do it.
And, after dinner, kiss her goodnight and see if she bites you. My guess is it might make everything between you a lot easier once that particular hurdle has been crossed.
View Readers' Responses
Find out what others thought about this advice
|
RELATIONSHIP ADVICE - ASK BRENDA
