Low Sex Drive!

Dear Brenda,

Howdy. I have a problem that's really starting to become an issue for me and I'm looking for advice on what I can do to help the situation. My girlfriend and I have been dating for nearly a year now and I've noticed that her interest in having sex isn't near what it used to be. In the beginning, we had sex "all the time" (sometimes twice a day), but now it's dwindled down to once a week, if at all. I'm always the one that initiates it if we do, and I'm often given the old "I'm way too tired", "my roommate will hear us" or the "I'm not really in the mood right now" excuses. Each time this happens, I feel like a dog with it's tail tucked between it's legs.

All other aspects of the relationship are great. We go out and do a lot of fun things together, we communicate and we give each other space when we need it. It's not really the physical aspect in general that's bothering me either. She's very affectionate with me otherwise. We hug, hold hands, kiss, etc., so it's not like she's totally backing off from me. It's just the "sex."

I have explained how I feel to her "twice" and she responds by saying she loves having sex with me, but I have a way bigger drive for it than she does. I think there's more to it than just that. Has anyone out there experienced this before that has successfully dealt with the problem? Is there something I can do to add fire to our sex life?
- Darrengold

Dear Darrengold,

Well, let's assume she's got a lot going on work and stress wise, and things between you have gotten predictible and comfortable.

I'd suggest whisking her off for a surprise weekend somewhere very romantic, where she doesn't have to do a thing... except be romanced, wined, dined and cared for. Women are typically more emotional when it comes to sex, and if something else (about you or the relationship) is bothering her, if she doesn't feel appreciated for who she is, and she isn't known for her strong communication skills, then sex is usually the first thing to go. Or she could just be getting lazy. Relationships do take effort.

Make some effort in a positive direction. Make her feel special. Don't withhold sex. Don't confront her. Don't punish her. Talk to her. Let her know how special she is to you. Make it easy for her to communicate. If she's the great girlfriend you think she is, she will truly appreciate it, and relish the moment.

If she's one of those people who happens to have a very low sex drive, (it happens) then you have to realize that you might not be able to fix that, but either accept her for who she is, or consider finding someone who can match your level of interest and energy, or... you could wait until your girlfriend hits her mid thirties. ;-)

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