Going from 'Dating' to 'Girlfriend?'

Dear Brenda,

When does "dating" someone become more? How do you attach the label "girl/boyfriend" without actually being asked "can I call you my girlfriend"?

I've been dating a guy for the last few months. Due to our busy schedules though, we don't see each other more than once a week, but we check-in to say hi every other day or so over the phone and/or short e-mails. Things are good, not spectacular, but I'm not looking for spectacular right now anyway. My question is: If you and the person you're dating are seeing each other exclusively (by default),--I'm pretty sure he's not dating anyone else, even casually, and I'm not either--and you two haven't had "The Discussion" yet (i.e. So what do you want out of this 'relationship'; Where are we going, etc.), when does dating someone pick up the label of girlfriend or boyfriend?

Because I'm not sure where he stands, I'm curious to know what he tells his friends. Does he say "this weekend I'm going out with the girl I'm seeing" or "I'm going out with my girlfriend"? How long can you date someone exclusively before they automatically turn into a girlfriend or boyfriend--even if the relationship isn't going to end up being intense and amazing? When is it appropriate in this type of situation to refer to the 'person you're dating' as a girlfriend or boyfriend without causing a great deal of shock and confusion?
- Figa1290

Dear Figa1290,

I'm guessing he just assumes that you're his girlfriend.

Just kid around with him. For example:

Him: "A few years ago, I was at a French restaurant in NY and had the best strawberry souffle ever. Mmm, I can still taste it. Oooh, I love strawberry souffles."

You: <smile> "Really? Why don't you ask your girlfriend to make one for you?"

Possible responses:

Him: "Really? Okay. Will you make one for me?"
Him: "<ack, choke, gasp!> I feel faint. Is it hot in here to you?"
Him: "That's a good idea! I'm gonna go give her a call. Be right back!"

I'm guessing you'll get the first answer. You don't necessarily have to have dreaded relationship talks and put him on the spot to get your point across.

Back to advice archive