Some men online are far from honest

Dear Brenda,

I know you are mainly interested in success stories, but I feel you also need to know about some not-so-successful ones. I had a 5 month online relationship with a member in England. He was really wonderful, or so I thought. Supposedly he got a job in Saudi Arabia and was going to contact me and fly me out there for a visit. I was starting to fall big time for this guy. The day he supposedly 'flew' to Saudi, he stopped contacting me.... that was 4 am on November 1st. I created a new ID, and checked back online periodically and finally around the middle of December that he was back online. I was hoping I was wrong about him, but this just confirmed my suspicions. Rather than rant and rave about how hurt I felt, I sent him a poem.

"Merry Christmas and as you're trimming your tree
Be more honest with the next female you see.
Feelings are to cherish, not to smash...
Or Santa will give you a kick in your... butt."

I'm hoping he doesn't make a habit of doing this to all the women he contacts. They may not all be as even tempered as I am. I am not looking for revenge or anything.... simply stating what happened. Thanks for listening to my story and I wish you and your staff a terrific 2004.
- Sunfire

Dear Sunfire,

Unfortunately, this can be a problem on any online dating site. Here's my advice: I typically suggest that people try to meet after a reasonable amount of time, say 2 - 3 weeks after first contact. Anything less than that doesn't really give you enough time to know if you'd even want to spend an hour with them at lunch. A good rule to follow is to ask yourself this question: "Would I be able to have an interesting/amusing conversation with this person for an hour or so even if I didn't feel any physical chemistry?"

On the other side of the coin, if two people wait too long to meet, then they tend to build up a fantasy image of each other, and this is usually followed by a let down when and if they actually meet, because no one could ever meet our ideal. I would say that nothing matters all that much until you meet in real life.

Also keep in mind that long distance romances that have no follow through are ideal for those who have commitment issues, so you want to be aware of that. This is what probably happened in your case. He got cold feet when he was actually confronted with meeting you, so he chose a cowardly move instead. Trust me that not all men who post profiles are like this. Remember the classic line: "Without risk, there is no reward."

So keep taking that risk, just try not to spend five months doing it next time. :-)

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