"I want you to bury me."

Dear Brenda,

The other night I was eating dinner with my bf and he made some comment about how he thinks he will live 60 more years to the age of 105. I said "I guess you'll outlive me, then." (even though I am 11 years younger than he is). He said to me, "No. I want you to bury me." and then added "I've never said that to anyone before."

I felt sort of shocked when he said that. I've certainly never heard that one before. Is it because we as Americans don't usually talk about death? He is not American.

In some ways it's good that he said this to me. I tend to be untrusting after my years of dealing with commitment-phobes and spineless wonders. Even though he has told me he wants us to be together, marry and to have children, I was uncertain if he really meant it and would follow through. This 'burying' comment has really made me wake up and pay attention. Unless I'm giving it too much weight? We've been dating for seven months.
- Rueterusse

Dear Rueterusse,

You're probably right to question such an intense statement after only seven months, whether you have trust issues or not. It sounds like he really cares about you, and wants to be in a long term relationship, but he could be on the impatient side when it comes to relationships, for all we know. One thing you could do (or talk about) is to decide that if one of you rushes ahead, the other can pull in the reins.

In this situation, you could just keep it light and say... "Well, if we're still together in 60 years, then don't worry, sweetie, I'll take care of everything."

The more outwardly calm and inwardly trusting you are, the easier it will be for you to just keep getting to know and enjoy each other's company. :-)

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