Is it a mistake to take back an ex?

Dear Brenda,

I feel very frustrated with my love life right now. About two weeks ago my ex boyfriend and I went out on a date - we hadn't been out in nearly six months, although we had kept in touch via email and phone. He emailed me later that night telling me how he was still so in love with me and wanted another chance. I felt the same, and told him so. I ended up ending a month-long relationship with someone else because I wanted to give my ex and I a real second try. My ex and I talked for a number of hours and delved into the two main issues that had been hurdles before. I felt like we'd worked through them pretty well.

The next night he came over to my place, and as soon as he walked in, we were making out. He wanted to have sex that night but I told him no, and he respected that. I told him in an email the next day that most of the reason I didn't want to have sex that night was because I didn't feel it would be fair to the guy I'd been seeing, but that as soon as I was able to talk to him, I'd be ready to go. So, anyway, I talk to the guy, he takes it really well.

My ex and I are supposed to get together Thurs night, but he IMs me Wed afternoon and tells me that he'd forgotten that he and a friend were going to the auto show. So, I tell him I understand, and that we'll just have to get together the next week - cause both of us had our weekends already planned previously. So anyway late Friday afternoon he shows up unexpectedly at my apt, and again almost without any words spoken, 10 minutes later we've had a quickie. He takes me out to dinner, then he has to leave for a meeting, and I have to go to a meeting. I don't hear from him Sunday evening - which I didn't really expect to. Then I don't hear from him at all on Monday - not even IM's, we're both on Yahoo Messenger -- I'm on Spring Break this week, so have way too much time on my hands. Now here it is Tuesday.

Against my better judgement, I IM'd him today - asked him about how his seminars went. He IM's me back something really formal and stiff. I reply back . . . and then NOTHING!! I don't know if I'm just blowing this out of proportion or what, but I'm really scared that I made a really stupid decision in trying again with him.

I don't want to pursue him too much, although I'm afraid I may have already done that. I'm just so tired of having to think about this and worry about this. A week ago I was so excited about the possibilities. His behavior this past week and a half and the letter he wrote me just are not jiving.

ARGHHH!!!
- Laneerq27

Dear Laneerq27,

There's a reason exes are exes. No wonder you're frustrated. I would leave this guy be and move on (now). If a guy tells me the day before that he'd forgotten that he and a friend were going to an auto show, I would realize that I am sooo not a priority and get out of that situation.

He wrote you a nice letter, but he could have done so because he wanted sex. I don't know him or know how underhanded he is capable of being, but is that a possiblity? He could be acting like this if you had dumped him and he wanted revenge. But I'm thinking if you dumped him, you would have had a good reason, and you'd not be so eager to take him back. Not to mention his showing up at your place without calling first, or sex (with him) that lasts all of ten minutes...

So anyway late Friday afternoon he shows up unexpectedly at my apt, and again almost without any words spoken, 10 minutes later we've had a quickie. I reply back . . . and then NOTHING!! I don't know if I'm just blowing this out of proportion or what, but I'm really scared that I made a really stupid decision in trying again with him.

Are things really that bad out there that you have to put up with this behavior?

When you are really serious about finding a healthy, lasting relationship, you will not have broken, like... 12 rules that I read in your email. You'll be looking for and more conscious of red flags, be able to recognize them, and run like hell when you see them.

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