My parents HATE him

Dear Brenda,

My parents hate the guy I have been seeing off and on for the last 6 months. I have broken things off with him several times. I don't know if I do it to please myself or to please my family. I am currently dating him again and my mother has gone out and set me up with another guy. I don't feel like I can tell the other guy the truth now because he'll wonder why he was lied to in the first place. I don't want to cheat on my boyfriend but I also want my parents to be proud of me and to have a relationship the guy I choose to spend my life with. I am confused if I really do love him. How can I tell if it is true love? I also don't want to disappoint my family. Awaiting your advice...
- Andrea

Dear Andrea,

Tell me the reasons that your parents give as to why you shouldn't be dating your bf. Why do they hate him?

Dear Brenda,

There are many reasons why they hate him. They think he drinks too much but he just drinks on weekends like a lot of 22 year old guys and girls do. They say he is a big mouth. He tells stories that nobody believes, and he is loud. His dad is a crook but I try not to judge people by their parents. They say that he is not intelligent and that I am so much smarter and can do so much better than him, and a lot of my friends say the same. There are things about him that I don't like sometimes but I love him for him and how he loves me. He's also not liked at all in the community. He does tell some pretty wild stories sometimes and he is also judged by his father's actions. His father has even been caught stealing money from their church. My parents hate him enough that he is not allowed in the house. It really hurts but the last time I broke up with him he started seeing someone else and I flipped out. I couldn't handle him with anyone but me. It was also hard for me to date anyone but him.
- Andrea

Dear Andrea,

You have to ask yourself why you are attracted to the one guy that makes your parents cringe? Is it because you feel like they don't respect you, or treat you like a child, and this is your way of rebelling to assert authority? Or perhaps you feel sorry for this guy because he got a bum wrap, and you know he's just a nice kid that has a mistakenly bad reputation. Or perhaps he really isn't a good influence on you, and your parent's, who love you, are trying to give you this message to protect you from getting hurt, but aren't really expressing it in a way that makes you comfortable?

Sometimes in life you have to make decisions, as unfair as it is. Your parents will be your parents your entire life, and chances are this guy will be here and gone in a year. The right guy for you won't want you to have grief with your family. Remember that. Cool things down with this guy for awhile and give yourself a chance to step back and see things a bit more clearly.

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