Dealing with a Rough Dating Spell

Dear Brenda,

I've re-entered the dating scene after a long marriage, and it is ROUGH out there. I actually found myself at the bookstore the other day looking at The Rules! Embarrassing to admit, but that's how frustrating it's gotten. It really does seem that guys who are initially very interested start to lose interest when YOU show interest. (And I'm not talking about me being gushy or anything like that. Just showing normal signs of interest and enthusiasm). How do you deal with a rough dating spell? Laugh it off and consider it practice? Try 'self help'? Give up all together? Even try The Rules? :)
- WonderingWom

Dear WonderingWom,

Rules books aside, there is something to be said for an initial 'air of mystery', as it's more of a challenge to whoever you're trying to attract. Only the most confident, together guys who are truly a good match for you would accept you for who you are right off the bat. The more right you are for each other, the more you can get away with. lol And those guy are out there, but it's a big world. ...sigh...

And of course, the more together you are, the more men you could very well scare away, because they might think that you don't need them. It's all a fine line.

Questions for you: Could you be showing a bit too much interest too early? Do you tend to attract skittish men? Do you fall in love easily? Does dating you entail a lot of responsibility, such as: do you have a bunch of small children? Do you seem a bit melancholy? Frustrated? Do you really really really want a relationship? It could be a vibe... They say we find someone great when we just don't care anymore. Strangely enough, I'm finding this to be true.

It would be great to get past all the nonsense and just live those happy "in love" feelings, but we can't do that with just anyone, or life would be just too damn easy. If he runs after four or five months of dating, then I'd say he has the problem.

I don't know anyone who hasn't gone through a rough spell. The good thing about spells is that they eventually end, and the rewards are eventually worth the hassle. :-) Don't give up! Keep focusing on 'your' value.

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