A Nine Year Crush

Dear Brenda,

I want to tell you about the love at first sight experience I had when I met my co-worker girlfriend on the very first day of my job at a multinational company. I had applied rational thought to try to keep away from her, but she showed a sort of interest in me. When we were getting to know each other things changed so quickly in my career that I left that company within 9 months. She specifically asked me to keep in touch. I had kept my promise for 8.5 years. She has joined another company and has been working there for the last 6 years. I used to write letters and call her. She is a conservative girl. Hence she was not replying to my letters. But, however when I called she used to talk to me full of passion. But unfortunately I was cautious while talking to her because I used to call her office. It is very hard for me to fully understand her with this kind of one way communication. She had called my home 4 times on her own.

She is 33 years old and still single and a virgin. I am 34 years old. She is Virgo and I am Cancer. Our careers are ruining our wonderful life. To sum up in all these years the telephone conversation we had till now come to around 2 hours. We have not physically touched each other as we do not want to violate the code of conduct. I've worked 20,000 miles away from her home country for the last 10 months. She genuinely told me that her office will be moved to a new locality and the telephone number will be changed. She said in case I want to see her, I am always welcome to visit her at her office. I have no clue how she is doing during these last 10 months. Can you advise me on how to keep our love life alive?

- Deep

Dear Deep,

Though I am not an astrology expert, I can tell you that Cancer and Virgo are certainly compatible...but after NINE years and only 2 hours worth of phone calls even the most inspired woman can lose interest. Since it seems as though you may be from a different country and have different dating rules and regulations, my advice may not be of much help, but I will err on the side of conservative and do my best. If you have been in love with this woman for 9 years, it's time to tell her. But before you make that phone call, I'd like you to think about what you'd like to get out of it-a wife, a serious long distance relationship (i.e. one of you commutes and eventually moves), a pen pal/girlfriend, a load off of your chest??? If it turns out she likes you back (which she probably DOES since she has gone out of her way to initiate contact even though she is a conservative girl), you need to have a plan.

Don't leave it up to her to run the relationship. Long distance relationships require money, time, perseverance, a lot of love and patience. How will you see each other? How will you manage 2 hours/month or more in phone bills? Tell her you have been in love with her for 9 years, ask her how she feels about that and if she gives you the green light, set a plan into action for bringing you both closer together. If all you plan to do is send e-mail and letters for the next 9 years, please don't do anything, forget her and find someone else.

If all goes well (she likes you too), I would assume you have to follow "the code of (dating) conduct" that you mentioned in your letter until you ask for her hand in marriage. Send flowers, gifts and cards unexpectedly. Certainly call more. Ask for her home number (if that's okay) and keep her apprised of your plans for her. No girl likes to be strung along-especially in a long distance relationship. If it turns out that you do not get a positive response, please let it go and move on.

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