When should my date hang out with my kids?

Dear Brenda,

I've been dating this wonderful guy for the past three weeks. We've seen each other about once a week. I'm a single mom and I introduced the kids to him the last time he came to pick me up. This weekend he wants to have dinner with me and I don't want to say no because I really do want to see him again. Problem is, I don't have a babysitter. I was wondering if it would be appropriate to invite him over for pizza and a movie with the kids, or if it is too soon for all of us to be together... like a family date rather than just the two of us.... Basically I think the kids would like it and he might too, but is it smart of me to do it now? If not, when would it be appropriate?
- Singlemom

Dear Singlemom,

Speaking as a child of a single mom, kids can get very attached to the adults that we introduce them to, so we need to be careful when introducing them to someone that might not be around long term, as they'll probably suffer from some level of abandonment. If they've already experienced seeing much less of one parent due to a new living situation, chances are they're going to be even more sensitive if a new relationship doesn't work out. I think it's best to know someone pretty damn well before you introduce them to your children. If you've been dating for three weeks, and you've only seen him once a week, that means you've only really gone on three dates. Even if you've spoken on the phone more than that, it's still not enough time.

It all boils down to your level of comfort with him. Personally, I would wait a few months longer before you mix it up and get to know this guy better on your own. I'm guessing from your email that he doesn't have children of his own. Getting together would be easier on all if he had kids, too. If money is an issue for you, then I would tell him your concerns, and ask him to help pay for a baby sitter so you two can get to know each other much better before you start introducing him into your family.

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