How can I make us more than 'just friends'?

Dear Brenda,

I met this girl through a friend. Lets call her Amy. I already knew who she was, but hadn't really gotten to know her as a person until a few weeks ago. We were at a party, talking and had a pretty good time. Afterwards, the friend I went with (who is one of Amy's friends as well) and Amy and her sister and I all went to a bar to hang out for a while. Amy and I were chatting on the patio, and I went inside to pick out some music on the jukebox. After a while, Amy came in to help me choose some songs. My friend told me that while Amy was in there with me, her sister said that she thinks Amy likes me.

About two weeks later, I saw Amy at work (she brought her car in for service), and she said that she had thought about calling me at work to see if I wanted to "hang out" sometime. I told her that she should have, because I would love to hang out with her. So, after we talked for about an hour, I told her she could call me anytime.

Sidenote: During the conversation, she randomly mentioned some guy she saw at a bar whom she'd asked if he wanted to hang out sometime, and he told her he wasn't "ready for a relationship," and she thought he was silly as she didn't mean it like that. She told me this as an example of how she "always seems to attract weirdos."

Back to the story... So, she winds up calling me two hours later, and asked for my cell phone number so she could more easily get a hold of me. The following Friday, after having talked on the phone a little bit, we went out to see a movie together. She paid for both of us, even though I offered to pay my way. We had a good time, and she said that "we'll have to do something together again sometime." Well....sometime wound up being two days later, when she asked me to go have a drink with her, which wound up being two hours just talking and getting to know each other. This went very well, we had a great time, and when she took me home, there was an awkward silence, then she said "So do you want me to walk you to your door?" how adorable! :) so I said sure. Then she gave me a nice big hug, and went home.

We continued to talk on the phone at least every other day, and she was usually the one to call me, though I did call a couple times. We went out another time with a group of friends, and she introduced me to one of her friends as "her friend Justin" I don't know what to make of her. She is so sweet to me, and is always calling me and wanting to go out with me and stuff, but the most we've ever done is give each other a hug. I like this girl so much, and think we would be awesome together, but she is one of those really nice girls who loves to be friends with everyone. WHAT DO I DO? I definitely don't want to just be friends.... That would be too hard for me, since I like her so much. I totally believe the whole thing about confidence. And I have totally shown confidence to her and haven't been all stuck on her and gone out with her whenever she wanted. I just need to get some confidence to ask her what she wants. PLEASE HELP!

Dear vwsmitty,

No, you don't. You simply need the confidence to ask her out on a real date, that's all. I notice that she has to do all the work because you're being so passive. She calls you 90% the time? She asks you out? She pays? She walks you to your door? I think it's time these roles were reversed, or at least reciprocated, don't you? Give it a try. I doubt you'll regret it, and you'll feel much better by having done so.

What sounds good to me is that you two match up well because she seems very secure with herself, which is a good fit for your shyness. Still, don't push things by asking what she wants too soon, because that's putting her on the spot. By asking her out, and her saying yes, that should be a big hint that she wants to date you. Then, when you're out, and talking with her, finding out what she wants will probably just come naturally - you find that stuff out when you spend more time together. So, ask her out first, then go from there. Just because someone is gregarious doesn't mean they don't want/need/deserve a love life of their own as well.

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