Why Can't I Stop Dreaming of My Ex?

Dear Brenda,

I am having some trouble. I don't know how to stop dreaming of my ex. We have been split up for a little more then three years and I thought I was over him. I am in a relationship now, and I love my current boyfriend very much. But I still dream about my ex almost every night. I don't want to be with him and it took a long time to heal my broken heart. He left and he is never going to change. I know that, so why am I dreaming about him and how do I make myself stop? I feel like I am cheating on my boyfriend.
- Crystal

Dear Crystal,

It sounds like you never got the closure you needed from the relationship with this ex-boyfriend. Maybe if you do contact him now and find out that he's a strung out drug addict with six illegitimate kids and a prison record, things will come more into focus for you.

What I really think is going on is that you fear getting hurt again so much, that you're sabotaging your current relationship unconsciously (the only way you can without taking real blame) by conjuring up these ex-bf dreams. What I think you need is more confirmation from your current boyfriend that he won't break your heart, so that you can relax and trust what you have with him. And you can probably tell by now if you trust him or not, even though I'm not sure how long you've been dating him. But if you say you love him, then I'm assuming it's been a while now.

Is there anything that's going on in your current relationship that's leaving you with an uneasy feeling?

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