He doesn't follow through - Should I dump him?

Dear Brenda,

This is the first time I have ever written to anyone on the ?Net for advice, but I am in a real quandary. I am a 31 year old professional, nice, good looking gal who has just met THE man. Here's the problem: For the second time in one week he has told me that he'd call on a particular day at a particular time, then hasn't. This is really cheesing me off, but I don't know if I should say anything to him or not. I don't want to come across as a bitchy old nag (we've only had two dates), however, I can't stand it when people don't follow through on their word. What should I do? Please answer ASAP!! Many thanks!
- Jordyn

Dear Jordyn,

Guess what? You're getting some insight into THE man's character right now and you don't like what you see. I would chew on this as a red flag, but I sure wouldn't say anything to him now. He'll run faster than my friend Candice to a Jimmy Choo shoe sale. Seriously, you've only had two dates. All you can really do now is observe his behavior and decide if it works for you or not. But then again, you might not have the whole story. It could be that...

1. He's swamped at work.

2. He's dealing with a personal crisis.

3. He's just plain clueless and doesn't think it's the big deal you think it is.

4. He gravitates towards aggressive women and is hoping that you call him.

5. He's moved on but didn't have the guts to let you know.

6. He's undecided about how he feels about you and is letting other things distract him.

7. He could be juggling a few other babes.

If things progress nicely and he starts to care for you, and you mention it in the future, he will most likely respect your wishes and be dependable. Just don't jump to conclusions. Yet, the best way to get someone to do what you want is to let them know that it's important to you. If it were me, I would mention it as subtly as I could.

If that didn't work, then you could resort to more drastic measures.

[Plan B]: The next time he called, I wouldn't pick up. Then when we next spoke (after he tracked me down or second time he called) and he mentioned how hard I am to reach, I'd say: "Well, I waited for you a few times to call when you said you would, but since I never know when that's going to be, I have other things to do." Then smile and leave it at that.

If he likes you enough, he's either going to immediately start stepping up to the plate - and call you when he says he will, or he's going to remain flaky. This is what dating is: the (sometimes slow or sometimes speedy) process of observation of a potential mate's character and behavior. You decide what works for you and what doesn't. If you see potential, you give someone the benefit of the doubt, and communicate rather than complain. You never really know what's going on in someone's head, so why not just ask?

P.S. If he dumps you because you asked him to follow a simple rule of etiquette, then Jordyn, you don't want that guy.

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