Can I get a woman without looks or money?

Dear Brenda,

I have a question. How does a single guy, who's on a disability pension, find a lady who do not look for 'material' wealth and great looks in a guy, but truly accept him for what he is? I'm constantly told that I have such a 'great personality' (usually the 'death knell' for any guy), which is usually followed by the ever-dangerous 'but', in that order. If it's not the looks (I'm always up front with that one - the ladies seem to take it even worse if a guy doesn't describe himself!), then it's the 'monetary equation', as I like to put it, that stops me in my tracks. The saddest fact is that often, some of these same ladies who are tell me that if it wasn't for my (lack) of money, or my (lack) of looks, I would be great boyfriend/marriage-partner material, are the same ladies who end up going back to their abusive boyfriends or even worse, find same in the next guy they meet.

I'm tired of hitting my head against the wall when it comes to trying to figure out what women want. I seem to have the 'key' ingredients (i.e. I'm affectionate, romantic, witty, very loving, caring, generous, and spontaneous and actually admit to want to get married/have serious relationship. I also call a lady back if I say I will, and I don't believe in jumping into bed on the first date).

As far as 'romance' goes, I haven't had a 'love life' for a very long time because of my financial situation. All my relatives and friends constantly tell me that 'sooner or later' I will meet a lady who won't care what I look like or the fact that I won't be able to buy her furs, but so far, I don't think such a lady exists. I'm starting to believe that it's the times we live in, that are making everyone, and not just the females, very materialistic. Let me know what you think, Brenda.

Dear Reg194,

Okay, here's what I think. You tell me you're a decent, caring guy, yet people you actually know have the nerve to tell you that if it wasn't for your looks or lack of money, you'd be happy? I'd be hurt if anyone said that to me.

Personally, I think there are a lot of women who would value you, (as you sound intelligent and sensitive to me), but you have to know how to find them. My instincts would tell me that decent, caring women might possibly be doing volunteer work around town. Senior Citizen's centers, Homeless shelters, Church or Temple reach outs, etc. Those are the type of people who tend to see past the material, and really care about someone's soul. I also think there are plenty of wealthy men out there starving for true affection and honest love. If someone really loves you, then a picnic in the park with some peanut butter sandwiches and soda pop would be a slice of heaven. It isn't easy to find, but it is attainable, once you shrug off the negative voices.

It's such a big world out there, Reg194, so full of diversity and originality. There are so many women who are simply looking for a kind, decent man to spend time with. And luckily for us all, it's going to be that much easier to find someone special now that online dating is considered not only a standard dating tool, but the easiest way to get yourself noticed to the largest group of people who are all looking for the same thing. Remember, dating is just a numbers game. Keep at it, stay positive, and you will find someone. If you get frustrated, then take a break and concentrate on a hobby or interest that brings you pleasure. This will fuel your positive energy, which in turn will make you more approachable. A good mood definitely attracts others.

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