Rite Of Passage

In a February 6, 2002 episode of Boston Public, the now cancelled series about life in a Bean Town high-school, a gay male student faces opposition from the faculty and fellow students when he declares his candidacy for prom queen. He stands his ground, attends the proceedings in a dress borrowed from a sympathetic female teacher, wins the coveted honor, and dances with the prom king at the latter's insistence.

The only part of the episode that didn't ring true was the heartwarming finale. High-school life for most gay students was more accurately portrayed in the scene in which the gay student finds "Die faggot" spray painted on his locker. Several years earlier in the real world, a newspaper reported that a gay student from a suburban California high school was taking his boyfriend to the prom. Some of his classmates made their opinion clear the next day by giving him this warning: "If you bring a fag to the prom, we'll kill you."

The Boston Public principal told the student, "Now, you might think the world has changed, but it hasn't changed enough," and added that he didn't want to see the gay kid "end up as some TV movie of the week." Nearly a quarter century after 17 year-old Aaron Fricke successfully sued his Rhode Island high school for the right to take his boyfriend to the prom, a gay male candidate for prom queen was still controversial enough for a sweeps month episode of a popular TV series. Clearly, the principal was right. The world hadn't changed enough.

That's not to say the world hasn't changed at all. A gay couple at the prom can still generate newspaper headlines, but they rarely concern lawsuits filed by students denied the right to attend. Now it's more likely to be a report on prom night itself. How did the gay couple feel dancing together side-by-side with their predominantly heterosexual classmates? How did straight students react to the gay couple's presence?

Some straight students are accepting, even supportive, but there's still more than enough hostility to make a gay couple's attendance at the prom an act of courage. If every gay high school student came out and attended the prom with a same-sex date, perhaps that would cease to be the case, but the closet is never so crowded as it is in adolescence, and with good reason. Most young people still have more questions than answers about their sexuality at that time, and peer pressure is unbearably intense. It's a difficult time for any kid even when sex isn't brought into the picture. The suspicion that you're not as smart, attractive, or personable as your peers turns many young people into hermits who hole up in their rooms when their more popular peers are developing their social skills. Being a recluse, especially if you have a creative outlet like journal writing, music, or art, is better than abusing drugs and alcohol or trying to soothe the pain of alienation by becomin g sexually promiscuous, but the isolation can have tragic consequences. The suicide rate is higher among gay teenagers than it is for their heterosexual counterparts. Even those who survive high school with minimal damage may keep that closet door bolted shut long into adulthood.

Gay high school kids who have accepted their sexual orientation and want to attend the prom but don't want to be stared at, threatened, or the subject of a story in the press, do have an alternative: Gay proms.

Independently sponsored, sometimes through a GLBT group like Parents, Friends and Families of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) or the local lesbian and gay community service center, gay proms give gay kids the opportunity to be who they are and enjoy themselves with others who share their sexual orientation. On the downside, sexual orientation may be the only thing these kids have in common. Gay kids with straight friends may prefer to attend their school's prom where they can share the night with those who shared the highlights and heartbreaks of high school.

Gay proms are also criticized for segregating gays from straights. But the same charge could be leveled at the gay bar which is the only place many adult homosexuals feel comfortable enough to let their guard down and enjoy their sexuality. All gays and lesbians should feel a responsibility to do their part for our ultimate liberation, and separation from the mainstream isn't the answer, but it's hardly fair to expect our youth to bear such a heavy burden on their still developing shoulders. Those brave enough to take a stand by attending their high school prom with the date of their choice should be commended. Those that choose to attend a gay prom deserve our praise, as well. They, too, are taking a stand by insisting on the right to experience a ritual taken for granted by their more popular straight peers.

Whether you attend your high school prom, a gay prom, or say to hell with the whole damn thing and stay home, keep in mind that the best thing about the prom is that it signals the end of the biggest most oppressive closet of all, one with little room to be yourself or to pursue your dreams. High school is a tiny teardrop in the big ocean of the world. Life may not be easy after high school, but it's certainly less intense.

High school students of today may not be familiar with The Animals, the legendary 60's rock band fronted by Eric Burden, but one of their songs said it as succinctly as it's ever been said: "When I was young, it was more important. Pain more painful, laughter much louder." Everything is more important, more painful, more EVERYTHING when you're young. Don't believe the lie that it's the best time of your life. For gays and lesbians, it rarely is.

by Brian W. Fairbanks

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