Is He Gay or Is He Straight?

Gay men and straight women both ask that question when a handsome hunk comes into view. Now, it’s the theme of a new "reality" show on Fox, something called "Playing It Straight."

In this show, one single woman, a college student named Jackie, joins 14 bachelors at the Sizzling Saddles Ranch (I could make that up but, believe me, I wouldn’t dare) in Elko, Nevada. Looking absolutely stunning (or so my straight friends tell me), in a cowboy hat and buckskin vest, Jackie can split one million dollars with the man of her choosing if her gaydar is fine-tuned enough to eliminate the gay guys planted among the studs. If the last man standing turns out to be more Dale Evans than Roy Rogers, the gay guy takes all the cash, and our heroine is left empty-handed.

As the Fox website says, "This cowgirl must determine which side of the saddle these guys ride on."

When the show’s own publicity reinforces the stereotype of gay men as effeminate, I think Jackie is going to need all the luck she can get. In episode one, she quizzes the contenders, asking about their feminine side and their interests. One guy owns a blow dryer, and he’s the only one among the 14 who does, while another likes to work on cars. The guy with the blow dryer is eliminated at show’s end which is also the moment when Jackie is free to inquire about his sexual orientation. It turns out the guy is straight, or claims to be, anyway.

It used to be as easy to spot a queer as it was to identify the queen in a deck of cards. If he talked with a lisp and his wrist was limp, and prone to settle on another man’s knee, he was gay. Chances are a limp-wristed fellow who lisps is still queer, and if he’s wearing a bra under his shirt you can bet the contents of your purse that he is, but the straight seeming stud could be queer too. The more gays invade the mainstream, the more the mainstream starts to resemble us and vice versa.

"Playing It Straight" is light-hearted fun, but it’s also educational. In deciding who among her 14 suitors gets to stay and who must go, Jackie expresses some intriguing ideas concerning how to separate the straight guys from the gay ones.

"I don’t perceive you as an outgoing person and I wonder why," she says to one contender who remains on the ranch despite her doubts. I never thought that being "outgoing" was necessarily a sign of heterosexuality, though I suppose a man who is self-contained when on a "dating adventure" with a straight woman as the prize could be homosexual. But he could also be insecure, not convinced of his appeal to the opposite sex, or not as confident of his charm. Or he could be a grump that no one, man or woman, would want to wake up next to.

As much as I champion the gay community’s steps toward equality and acceptance, I’m less thrilled that the more visible we become, the less obvious we seem to be. Sending the signal that one was queer used to be easy. A man who wore tight white slacks and a pink tee-shirt was proclaiming his homosexuality. Someone was bound to yell "fag" in his direction, and though he may not have been thrilled to hear the charge, it also meant any like-minded stud knew he was available. But now, with metrosexuals on the prowl, and straight men agreeing to queer make-overs, white pants and pink shirts indicate nothing. The queers among us may have to become flaming faggots to get the point across.

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