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Ode to "Joy"
History will likely remember 1977 as the year of Star Wars, Son of Sam slayings, and a dead Elvis, but for many gay men the year's most notable event was the October publication of The Joy of Gay Sex by Charles Silverstein and Edmund White. It was the first book from a mainstream publisher that dared to examine the how of homosexuality rather than the ubiquitous why so popular with psychologists. Its explicit descriptions of gay sex practices, fully and beautifully illustrated, were controversial indeed. Bookstores in the U.S. kept it hidden under the counter giving patrons no choice but to come out of the closet when asking for it by name. You had to be a brave sissy to buy it.
Subtitled "An intimate guide for the gay man to the pleasures of a gay lifestyle," the book's contents were deeply erotic, but for me the biggest turn-on was the back cover blurb praising The Joy of Gay Sex as "America's best selling guide to gay lovemaking."
Lovemaking!
How often, even in gay circles, has sex between men been acknowledged with such a romantic and respectable word?
Eight years earlier, in 1969, the same year in which the drag queens of Stonewall kicked off the modern Gay Liberation Movement, Dr. David Reuben's phenomenally successful Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex gave the general (heterosexual) public a sensational and titillating but one-sided account of homosexual activities that reinforced the image of gay men as perverts, lisping queens forever dusting dirt off their knees, picked up, as were their partners, in parks and public toilets. The fairies who populated the best-selling fiction of Jacqueline Susann and other popular straight authors were equally soulless.
Many homosexuals did and still do cruise for sex in tea rooms, but such behavior is little more than the gay equivalent of what heterosexuals do in anonymous motel rooms and the back seat of cars. Straights are not defined by their indiscretions, and gays shouldn't be defined by theirs. Gay men certainly enjoy sex, but we also make love - tenderly, passionately, and, yes, joyously. With The Joy of Gay Sex, Silverstein and White helped gay men define ourselves for a change, as well as the activities we engage in to express our love.
By the 1980's, when the AIDS epidemic made homosexual acts even more controversial, Silverstein and White's landmark volume was out of print. As one of the titles most often stolen from public libraries, even extant copies were hard to come by. In 1992, Silverstein, in collaboration with Felice Picano, updated the classic, retitled The New Joy of Gay Sex, to include information on safe-sex, and now, the "fully revised and expanded 3rd edition," once more reverting to the original title, is available from Harper Collins.
Times have changed.
You may still have to gather your courage to buy it, but there's no longer any need to blush, gulp, and ask the clerk behind the counter for a copy. It's displayed, more or less openly, in the Gay Studies section, and it's no longer the only title cataloged by the Library of Congress under "Sex Instruction - Gay Men."
Even before the second edition reached print, Jack Hart's outstanding Gay Sex: A Manual for Men Who Love Men helped fill the void, and in the past several years gay men could also turn to Dr. Stephen Goldstone's clinical but highly entertaining The Ins and Outs of Gay Sex and Dan Anderson's more irreverent Sex Tips for Gay Guys. For those who have already developed their sexual tastes, there's The Ultimate Guide to Fellatio by Violet Blue and Going Down by Ben R. Rogers and Joel Perry, a fun and feisty guide to oral sex that gay guys and their straight gal-pals can enjoy together.
But The Joy of Gay Sex remains unique in other respects. The provocative title aside, Silverstein and Picano draw our attention to more than matters of sex. There are chapters devoted to homophobia, loneliness, spirituality, friendship, politics, and even celibacy, the opposite of sex, a lifestyle choice which the authors describe as an option for those seeking a "lack of pressure and stress in their life." (I would argue that nothing reduces pressure and stress like a good orgasm.) It's a well-rounded, encyclopedic guide to gay life in general, and an essential tool for the gay man taking those first, timid steps out of the closet. The Joy of Gay Sex can help you to affirm and proudly embrace your identity as a gay man.
But don't despair. The Joy of Gay Sex is also an enjoyable, guilt-free journey through the wonderful world of gay love. The aforementioned Dr. Reuben claimed homosexuals were limited in what they could do with each other, but this book should set Reuben straight. The table of contents has no entries under Q, X, Y, and Z but it's not designed to teach you the alphabet, only to enhance your life as a gay man, out of the closet and between the sheets.
by Brian W. Fairbanks
 Back to Alt. Lifestyles
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