Dress to Express 

With puberty, even the most extroverted boy starts to value his privacy. At night, he’s in bed with the covers pulled over his head, "reading" by flashlight. During the day, he may spend more time in the bathroom than even number two requires. It’s perfectly natural behavior that parents are best advised to ignore unless there’s evidence that dangerous practices are involved (ropes used for asphyxiation, for instance).

But sometimes a boy is doing more in the bathroom than even the most sophisticated parent suspects. He’s fishing through the hamper for his mother and/or sister’s clothes. When the females in the house start noticing that their pantyhose is stretched out of shape, they may conclude that there are more "girls" in the house than they thought.

Dressing like a girl doesn’t always mean wanting to be one, nor is the still taboo act of crossdressing an automatic admission of homosexuality. Ironically, gay men who wear women’s clothes may be stigmatized more than their heterosexual counterparts. Drag queens won the battle that sparked the Gay Liberation Movement, but as the movement gained momentum, they were frequently regarded with embarrassment for allegedly reinforcing the stereotype that gay men wanted to be women. Thankfully, such prejudice has been on the wane for years, and the T for transgender now stands proudly beside the L, G, and B in the alphabet soup of alternative sexuality.

But for many, the question remains. Why crossdress?

There are probably as many answers to that question as there are men, gay and straight, who like to do so. There are, indeed, transvestites, men who are turned-on sexually when wearing women’s clothes, but few crossdressers are motivated by purely erotic impulses. Then there are drag queens. The drag queen is essentially a performance artist, even if she also chooses to crossdress in private. But other crossdressers are neither transvestites nor drag queens.

I started crossdressing in adolescence. At the same time I realized I liked boys in the same way most girls did, I was secretly wearing a bra and panties, and at times, blouses, skirts, and dresses. I also shaved my legs, and adopted feminine mannerisms. Had I known how to apply it, I probably would have worn makeup, as well.

Only in retrospect did I try to analyze my gender bending behavior and see it as a possible attempt to adapt to a role in which my sexuality would be more acceptable. After all, a girl could have a romantic and sexual interest in boys, but a boy with the same desires was a fag, a sissy to be bullied, ridiculed, and shunned. As a "girl," I may have been hoping it would be okay for me to like boys, too. This may have been wishful thinking, but the fact remains that I still felt more at home in panties than in boxers or briefs.

Most gay men who crossdress are simply being true to themselves. They reject the superficial symbols of masculinity in favor of a more feminine image that more accurately expresses their personalities. Gay men can be as macho as the most masculine heterosexual, but for the man who is both effeminate and openly gay, his homosexuality may liberate him from the testosterone driven role society insists he play. Heterosexuals who crossdress often do so to escape that burden, but their relief is temporary, something experienced only when safely hidden behind locked doors. The effeminate gay man is less likely to feel ashamed and may crossdress freely and openly 24/7. He may not go to work in a dress, but he might choose to wear a woman’s blouse and slacks instead of the standard white shirt and chinos. He may prefer pearls to a necktie and swing a purse instead of packing a wallet yet still identify himself as a male. If he concludes that he’s transgendered, he is a she and should be regarded as female.

Of course, many employers would choose to fire a man who comes to work wearing women’s clothes, but such a choice may not be readily available to employers in the future. The Human Rights Campaign and other gay rights organizations support the right to "Gender Expression" and believe it should be protected by law. In California, Minnesota, New Mexico, and Rhode Island, there are now statutes that prohibit discrimination based on "gender identity," and in 59 cities and counties across the U.S., there are now ordinances protecting transgender people from discrimination in employment and housing.

Clothes may not make the man, but how a man dresses may determine how he’s treated by society. An overtly effeminate man may face more hostility if he tries and fails to be masculine than if he chooses to simply be himself, just as a closet queen who is suspected of being gay is more likely to experience homophobia than the gay man who openly acknowledges his sexual orientation. When you deny your sexuality, you only lend credence to the homophobic argument that it’s wrong to be gay. The same is true of "gender expression."

Dress to express. If a blouse is more your style than a t-shirt, wear it. Live the life you imagine.

by Brian W. Fairbanks

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