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Home > Feature Articles > Article > Readers Respond |
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 READERS RESPOND |
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The Ten First Date Commandments
Comment from UBDrunk
I agree with all of them, but I'm guilty of all but the last two. I say too much. Chris, 35, single dad.
Comment from martiny2000
I agree with all of them. There cannot be a better way of synthesizing this issue.
Comment from Bren
I agree with all except having spares. I had "spares" and when the girl I actually fell in love found out she wasn't the only one early on she freaked and dumped me. I can see the logic but it ruined a good and potentially great relationship.
Comment from emeraldjewel1964
#8 - You don't need a harem to have a good chance of finding the right person. Too many men lead to confusion.
Comment from NorthTorontoGuy
#1 is the most antisocial comment I have ever heard. Personally, I believe in the three-date maximum. If there is no sex by the third date, there is no 4th date. And what the hell is wrong with sex on the first date?? I have had five serious relationships in my life, and four of them started with sex on the first date. The writer, quite frankly, either does not know what he is talking about or else has been denied sex far too often. or is just an asshole trying to ruin the dating scene for the rest of us. #2 is almost as bad. the best first date I had lasted three days (and yes, it included some fantastic sex and was with my first fiancée. any questions?) To be fair, he does redeem himself somewhat with the rest of his list, but those first two will turn off major daters or those looking for love but unwilling to put up with the shit that is dished out every day.
Comment from keither
I totally agree with #'s 3&4
Comment from ICat64
I think most woman know these tip's buy now, the real question is how to get man to use them.
Comment from westman69
4 - By far. I recently had a first date who spoke for hours about her alcoholic ex with whom she had broken up with a week before. She went back to him a month later. Good luck. 7 - Agree strongly for all the obvious reasons, but when you have a reserve it's hard to feel 'desperate' which is a turn-off to most people.
Comment from clambe
I agree strongly with number 8.(TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS)_
They're all good. Good job, Dennie!
Comment from chizzy77
I would I have to say number 8. You should always trust your instincts. If you do things just might be better then being worse.
Comment from delilared
I agree with ALL of them.
Comment from Countryspice
Agree 100% with #1 the most.
Comment from wiserInMontana
Agree with Trust your instincts. Although it does not always work. I met a charmer who ended up being a con artist extraordinary who took others for big $$$. Luckily I was bypassed and he only wanted me to bail him out of jail when he got caught. WHAT a LOSER. He did give out hints all along but he was also very suave and persuasive.
Comment from lindylou1
Wow!! good tips. tho sometimes commandments are meant to be broken! I have 2 that I totally believe in. 'Trust your Instincts'..you know yourself well. have faith in what your instinct is telling you. The other one. most important. is "Have Fun'.relax, let things flow. and don't be afraid to smile/laugh. if you can laugh together, then you already have a great start. if all is serious on the first date. Forget it!
Comment from katiesw
TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS If your date is creeping you out, take flight -- don't fight the feeling.
Comment from TexasLady17
Obviously, 'THESE' commandments are not etched in stone so I believe that "one must be themselves" so I feel that 2 and 5 need some adjustment. First, leaving too fast may give the impression that one is NOT interested so K.I.S.S. until you feel that things may POSSIBLY get heated up so THEN it is time to leave (accentuating #1) and 5 well, one must be open because why "waste" time for another date if you don't like the answers to the questions; therefore, I suggest getting to know as much about "each other" and THAT means "opening a few pages" to the book! Thank you and these are just my suggestions. Thank you and good luck to all on this internet adventure.
Agree with all . Thanks :)
Comment from stevan1952
Plan and do something memorable.
I disagree with #7. At what point do you stop having "spare eggs". Work on one at a time so you can actually tell yourself you gave it a good shot. The grass will always look greener on the other side. Perfection is not out there and continually looking for it will make one wake up someday and still be alone only now older.
Comment from quinton
All of them.
I agree with #10 the most simply because that's the type of person I am. And I disagree with #1 the most because that would depend on the situation, as long as it was a mutual attraction.(come on guys...you know that feeling) that's a hard one. whew.
Comment from laying
#2,3,4,5,8,9,10.
Comment from happinessseeker
Most of all, Trust Your Instincts! Never ignore that little voice inside your head. I lied and bailed on a date; and a good thing, too, since I later found out he was a closet drug addict! A very close second: Think Friendship First. It is a shame that we single folks don't "network" more often & help each other out. If you don't click romantically with a guy but enjoy his company, hang out together. He may just have a brother/cousin/friend/co-worker who is right for you!
#8 should be #2. SAFETY FIRST! If someone is creeping you out, get away from them ASAP.
Sex takes a lot of forms; I've been in bed, nearly naked with women having fore-play for HOURS on a 1st or 2nd date, then they refuse to have intercourse because it's too soon. In that case I lose all respect for them. She'd have been better off keeping me out of the bedroom and ending the date early until she was ready.
What a bunch of stupid suggestions. You make it sound like playing games is a good thing. There is nothing wrong with sex on the first date, assuming that you've been chatting a while. Putting off sex just for the sake of putting it off is stupid. I'm not saying that sex on the first date is ideal, but neither is waiting for eons.
Comment from dawnygirl26
I agree with every single one of these commandments. I have been on so many first dates and before I even read this article I lived by these commandments and they work. trust me I should know.
Comment from _lou_
Never ever have sex on first date
Comment from rebounding
I think that most of these tips hit the mark dead on, except for the one about dating more than one person at a time. ( but that's just me I suppose )For me when a date dwells on an X, I figure that it's time to call it a night. I too have an X and a past, but someone doesn't need to know everything on the first date, leave something for the future. Get to know each other first.
Comment from WhatsMissing
Who is Dennie writing to? Are men to follow these Commandments? 3. If a woman is listening, then she is bored. 4. Guys like for women to say BAD things about their ex -- if they have to hear about women talk about their exes at all. On the other hand, when a woman talks about a guy she used to sleep with, she is insisting, "Hey! Listen to me while I talk about this guy that I used to have sex with!" 6. If a man mentions marriage on a first date, he is a stalker. 7. "really good eggs"?
Comment from mdzaki
First I want to make friendship with her and after our mutual understanding about our friendship or other then we can take a decision
Comment from wogo
Agree totally with the first one. "Never Have sex on a first date.." If it happens you are not the first, and how long is the line of people you are having sex with..? Like yourself enough to have the friendship and knowledge of the person first!
Most of tips resonate true. They are fundamentals and show lack of desperation and self esteem for self and the other. goof job!
Comment from elverahams
I disagree with tip no 7, Dating more people may make you to be undecided because every human being has their own weakness and it is possible to pick bits and pieces from every person to make your dream man. I suggest that an individual should be focused and realise that they is no one perfect just as they are not perfect, and so they are certain weaknesses that we just have to accept in the person we wish to spend out entire life with, they have to accept our weakness.
Comment from bladfatuglyone
If I went on a first date with a woman who wanted to keep it short, I doubt if I would ever call her again. It says, "I don't think you are interesting." Having spares is also a turn off. It says that they are not able to commit. One at a time. Rule one out before going on to the next one. No one would connect if everyone jumped around. There aren't that many days in the week. By the time you realize that she was the one, she is someone else's one. The rest are okay.
Comment from steve24816
Agree with no sex on first date Agree with no talk of marriage Agree with not trashing your x Really don't disagree with anything.
Comment from sjoewild
#10. The most overlooked concept ever. Be yourself. Act how you ALWAYS act; Don't try to BE who you think Ms. wonderful wants you to be, and for Christ's sake quit treating her like she's doing you a favor. If you have a set of balls, (I guess one will do in a pinch) show her what you're REALLY like, and you won't have to live a lie. Have FUN. and there are A LOT of women that enjoy what you do.
9: THINK FRIENDSHIP FIRST If things don't work out, you end up with a new friend who may fix you up with someone who WILL work out.
Most guys won't see it that way and the ones who are willing to step on their buddies toes are probably just looking for sex. Much better to be done with it and not look back too much.
Comment from Purefemale
I definitely agree with the first date tip which is: NEVER, EVER HAVE SEX Sex may sell -- but first date sex sells you short.
I have had sex on the first date numerous times and ended up in long term relationships and even marriage.
I very much agree with all the ten points. However, it is some times difficult to know which lady friend would also have a good sex partner as her top most qualifying point for the choice of a man. Yes this may come later, but how about if she is one of those who is very hut and likes it too hot too from a man. thanks for the information. I will count on it.
Comment from 2k12
7 and 8
Comment from cavaliar3er
I agree very much with no's 3,8,9 and 10
Comment from delhan
I already apply and agree with all of those except numero 5. Its both against my beliefs but also I don't see a worth enough reason to get into this effort, Being an open book comes to me naturally, I'd have to put some effort on to restrain it. And I think the sooner someone mentally mature enough understands who you are (and vice versa) the better for both sides. If its going to be a quality relationship, clarity and honesty are must.
Comment from jim
I most definitely agree with No : 1--2--3--4--5---9.
Comment from zubr7
Mostly agree with : 1 2 3 4 5 and 9
Comment from Nadia Tania
I agree with all the ten first date tips. great tips. I strongly believe in tip # 8 (Trust Your Instincts) it applies to everything not just dating.
I disagree with the no sex one and in fact with any formula. I had a relationship lasting for 7 years and we slept together on the first date. Momentum and mutuality can build confidence - dare I say it we were trusting our instincts and having fun. The dare to have spares lined up could backfire but it's understandable.
Comment from martonsadler
Be a good listener. I even stand by this when you first meet. Remember 3 things at least (especially when you first meet). It shows you're interested. Bringing up marriage on a first date, I hope nobody does that! That's scary. No. 7 doesn't really fit as a first date commandment. It's more on the lines if the first date fails, make sure you've lined up others (not that easy for a lot of people).
Comment from ephmatizm
Have fun (number ten):I love this one very well because it give room for you to the characteristics of your pattern(How she behaves or reacts to some certain things
Comment from TheCatCatcher
These ideas are great for those who meet people. What about when you meet someone online and you've known them for some months, you have been talking heavy with them and both have an understanding that your looking for a serious relationship. Then you decide to meet them only they live hundreds of miles away in another country. What are the commandments then! Obviously you've done your homework and checked out their credentials. Please help.
Comment from MFMILLS22
I agree with every single one even though I can't live with out sex.
Comment from akinbaba70
I agree with No.1 most
Comment from Lee Amm
I agree with number 4 because if you trash talk your ex then you might lose your friend
Comment from bfdeal
Never ever have sex on the first date. If the chemistry is there, there is nothing wrong with it. Even if there will not be a second date. Sex is not something to be saved for "special" like your mommy taught you, that's the cause of an awful lot of mental anguish amongst women. It's always up to the individuals; this is not a good rule of thumb. Perhaps betters said would be, don't plan on having sex, or be disappointed if you don't on the first date.
Comment from FPROCTOR
Number 1, definitely! They may want the sex, but I guarantee you that you will not be girlfriend or marriage material; you'll just be a quick lay. :)
Comment from janniepoopoo
I agree with all of them.
Comment from hoy_4me
I agreed with all the dating tips cause it is one of those thing that you to happen in a relationship.
Comment from almightyjo
Never ever have sex.
Comment from Burlyburl
5: DON'T BE AN OPEN BOOK If you want to be a must-read -- don't offer up Cliff Notes. Maybe I don't understand the reference to Cliff Notes, but if this means: "Don't be Honest" - I can't see that helping to move the pairing in the right direction. If, on the other hand, it means "Don't disclose every last gory detail of the messiest part(s) of the past" then I could support that. Too much frankness too soon might scare off someone who a bit later may become supportive when they care more and then learn more.
Comment from LrgShadow
I think the first "commandment" was chop full of jack foolery
Comment from John
5: DON'T BE AN OPEN BOOK If you want to be a must-read -- don't offer up Cliff Notes. What they heck does that mean? Sounds like a contradiction to me. It must have been written by a woman.
Comment from damnyankeeusa
they are all very sound advice
Comment from tntdlght
Being a good listener is probably the best tool anyone can use, male or female, on a date. Everyone appreciates someone who seems interested in them. Ask your date things that seem like small talk, but really show you their true character. Listen not just to the words, but also how they act and how they answer. For example, ask what they do for a living, what does it entail? Do they enjoy it? Or maybe ask if they have any kids. You can follow that with do they live with you? Why or why not? Are they by the same person? How long were you with that person? What went wrong? How long ago did it end? The answers can always lead to other questions, but you will know exactly what type of person your date really is. Do they ask about or seem interested in your responses to the same questions, or just go on and on about themselves. If they're scared of commitment, just an overgrown and immature child, a player, a tease, a user, a moocher, etc. So listen up! You'll be able to make a much more informed decision as to whether this is just the first date, or the last.
Comment from Jim
Just say no to friendship. I think most guys have plenty of friends. (If not you probably don't want to date them anyhow.) We do not date to find new friends. Not everyone has to have a romantic connection, so just be truthful and say it. The F word is the dating kiss of death. We all know it.
Comment from bobbi4713
I agree, no sex until marriage, period.
Comment from Henri322000
Thank you very much for this pieces of soul rending principles. As a matter of fact, I so much agree with item No 9 that says "Friendship First". And that is what I believe it should definitely be.
Comment from TylerTxRose
"Never, ever have sex", in fact, don't even talk about sex!!! It's creepy to have someone ask you if you've had a recent STD test or says they can't wait to have wild sex. I find such talk unappetizing and way too early for me! Definitely "think of friendship first". Men who talk about sex on a first date usually don't get a second one from me.
Comment from loud mike
Glad you mentioned the Don't have sex part. Multiple dates could give too many options and confuse one. SOME PEOPLE DON'T KISS TILL THEY say I do AND the man of God says "you may kiss the bride"
Comment from kittykat39
Never Have Sex for the First time. definitely NOT. I agree with this the most.#! I tend to be very loyal. and tend to stick to one person at a time. so I disagree with dating many!#7 and also #4..talking about your ex trashy only degrades you and your self respect. it is how others see you not what the past has brought.
Comment from ogumere
never have sex They are all good- but I'm waiting on good advice with regards to dating in numbers but as a good with an ok income and who is expected to pay for the dates, how do us guys do this affordably?
Comment from artmeus
Kissing! I believe it is not necessary on a first date. They should be able to wait at least one day.
Comment from love2bwithu
I agree with the first one very much.
A very important tip you missed for a lot of people not use to the "dating game" is....relax, just be you!!!
Comment from theflyingcowboy
I agree with not having sex on the first date and second date. If a woman has sex with me on the first date then I classify her as a sex only date for the future. By her having sex with me on the first date says a whole lot and my mind will not change about it. I have very little respect for her, but I enjoy the meaningless sex. There is no way that I will marry the woman that has sex with me on the first or second date.
Comment from queenakasha
I really agree with all of these! What I need to work on is not being an open book and being a good listener. Basically, I need to learn to shut up! ^_^
Comment from radiance
Well, I think only a cheap woman will sleep with a man on a date. If you have respect for yourself, that side of things should not even come to mind with a total stranger. So, I should say that I agree with Dennie Hughes of 'First date sex, is a no,no,no! Cheers
Comment from Malarae1213
Agree with all, you did a good job!
Comment from Lucii
Dare to have spares is probably the best advice! A lot of people who don't date much end up getting infatuated with the first guy/girl they go out with and it is a sure disaster. if you date more people the less chances you'll have to get stuck on someone who will most likely be unsuitable. Choice is power as it doesn't only boost your confidence but it also gives you the opportunity to know what you want in your next partner.
Comment from Art
1,8,9,10 are on the nose. The others are all personal preference. I drove 1 1/2 hours and the lady gave me enough time for a 1 hour dinner and then went home and I drove another hour and a half home. 3 hours for one hour of her time? She asked me out again, but I wasn't going to drive 3 hours to spend 1 with her. He makes it a commandment. At best it might be a guideline. In truth, the longer the date, the more I enjoy it. 3. Be a good listener, yes, but ASK QUESTIONS! If all you do is sit there and listen, I'm going to think you're not interested. Be both a good listener AND a good talker. Things should be about even on this one. Nothing turns me off more than one word answers. 4. Don't trash your ex? Why not? Maybe he or she deserved it. If asked why you broke up with your girlfriend and you say you found her in bed with your best friend, you are trashing your ex, but you're also being honest, and letting him know you had good reasons for leaving AND you believe in monogamy. This is another "personal preference" thing. I WANT to hear why things didn't work out. What better way to know what NOT to do? 5. Don't be an open book?? Huh? So I should lie or be secretive? If a woman's that way with me, there won't be a second date. His commandment ends any chance for her with me. 6. Don't bring up marriage? Why not? I'm 38 and divorced. If she asks me to tell her about my life, should I LIE to her? Marriage can come up in the right pretense. A better commandment would be "Don't PROPOSE marriage on a first date" but not to use the word is ridiculous. 7. Most women I've found are monogamous daters and men tend to have "spares." If you really like her, lose the spares. All I can say is any woman who used all of his "commandments" wouldn't see me a 2nd time.
Comment from jaanluz
All points are good the 9th is one which is one of the best one and full in agreement with my thoughts. If chemistry works and both agrees there is no harm in having sex.
Comment from poetsd55
No. 1-I had sex on my first date -too quick a relationship and-it was a fairly long distance relationship-lots of sex in motels for weeks and I moved, got married and realized that after the sex was gone there was dead spot in our marriage the size of the Grand Canyon-and she had told me things like she had been married five times (big red flag-but I didn't listen) yet I was going for mostly the physical and blinded that we really were not connecting in any other major way-it ended in a bad divorce and now I find it hard to talk to anyone honestly online or trust anyone-that they would deceive me-yes I believe friendship should come before the sex and even the sex-it isn't even too much to ask for a blood test in this day and dangerous age of HIV-if this is your "Soul Mate" you deserve complete honesty with your partner and yourself. It can take enormous resources to go after just the sexual part of a relationship-when it is good it is good but not without some balance with other factors that in the long run will serve you well and make you a happier individual and if you are lucky and listen a happy couple-so many speed bumps out there that you must think before jumping too quickly into the bedroom.
Comment from bluetooth
I agree with all I've been a jerk all along now I know that my next date will be superb cos I know the rules now thanks a lot
Disagree, with having spares, it show's desperation and if the person you like finds out it won't look good on you. Have some balls be honest and take things one step at a time.
I disagree with the first one which says don't ever have sex on a first date
Comment from tuxa
Smiles are a turn on!!!!I agree when we go out is to meet someone that bring the best on us!! Little to disagree as we all know negative feelings bring us to end with not even start. Secret is love who you are and live it for who you are don't count on someone else to make you happy..Happiness starts with ourselves!! Keep smiling!!
I very much agree with #7. Dare to have spares.
I don't agree with #1. I've met some of my best girlfriends on the first date and ended up having awesome sex all night and into the next day. I don't know about anybody else but. I don't mind the sex on the first date thing. It's like a bonus after having a good time together all day and she really wants you by night time.
Comment from sportyboy10
I don't agree with rule number 1. I had some of the best times having sex on the first date. It's like a bonus when you both have a good time all day and you both just want each other by night time.
Comment from A. Patriot
I disagree with number two. The line for K.I.S.S. is Keep It Simple Stupid, if you're going to steel something from the United States Marines you may as well get it right.
All of them!!
Comment from debinatl
Definitely agree with #4. There's no bigger turn off than a guy who blames his ex for the breakup/trash talks her.
Comment from Fancyfeet50
I only talk about my ex or my divorce if asked. I never dwell on it too long, I try to convey it as a positive learning experience. The K.I.S.S. rule was a little vague. You said to leave them wanting more. Did you mean it was okay to kiss (a peck on the cheek or a short lip kiss?) or were you trying to be clever? Please address this issue.
Comment from vintagewillow
Trust your instincts! Definitely..oh and no sex on the first date. Absolutely.
Comment from Jalapeno_for_u
Considering that a lot of people out there have no control whatsoever over their life and emotions. I'm saddened to say that a certain amount of game is necessary. So I’m forced to agree with the first 6 tips. I used them consistently and they work great in making me successful at dating .The last 3 tips play in the common sense and fun departments which nobody should neglect. Having fun is what life is about.
Comment from tiffiany
1: NEVER, EVER HAVE SEX Sex may sell -- but first date sex sells you short
Comment from ddb42
#10. Hey, if nothing else at least you had fun.
Comment from MuzkGurl83
Numbers 1 & 8 are two of the most important things to remember, so that you can be a good date and a respecter of yourself in the long-run of all things considered on the first date. I also like the one about keeping it short and sweet! All these things are very good advice.
Comment from KINSSINGER
9: Think friendship first. I agree.
Comment from Eric
I disagree with the Number 1 of your Ten Date Commandments. Do not have SEX. My date invited me to her bedroom to spend the night on our first date, and we have been in a committed relationship EVER SINCE.
Comment from JCamp
Looks like ideas for women but good to know what you are thinking.
Comment from sotyanet
Think friendship first.
Comment from mosa
I agree with no sex on first date.
Friendship first? You're nuts. There's nothing more humiliating than wanting to be with a woman who doesn't want to be with you -yet you stay close to that person anyway hoping that one day you'll be magically moved out of 'friend' category into something else????? You're a loser if that's how you think. Stop being a puppy dog and move on with things. Sheesh.
I agree with them all. although I'm not sure I understand #5. I'd rather someone be honest with me, rather than trying to guess or second-guess what I'm saying.
10: HAVE FUN! Smiles. Laughter. Major turn-ons!
Comment from busterb
I strongly do not agree with the 7th tip. You don't need a random sampling to be able to meet the good eggs.
Comment from campbellscott
Don't be an open book. I disagree.
Comment from gaga
I agree on the tenth tip.
Comment from BETTIANA
I love all of them but you need to add one more: Do not lie even if you try to impress do not do it. Lies are never good.
Comment from chuks
I disagree with kissing.
Comment from mega
I do agree with all.
6. Marriage - lots of guys want to get married and are going to walk away from girls who put off the idea if he brings it up. If he brings it up she should probe into why he did.
Comment from masterjim
Dating today includes sex! If physical attraction and chemistry are there, then go for it. Every woman dating has had sex on the first date with someone. Bad boys get laid and nice guys pay! Date more than one person at a time. (Date one, you have doubts. Date two, you compare.) So date three or more at a time and have fun!
Comment from Jay
never, ever have sex
Comment from Aerielle
#2 Kissing- I never kiss on the first date. I just give guys I LIKE a long warm embracing hug when we say good night after a date. So far it has worked every time, every one of them have come back for more, 15 years of dating exp. can't be wrong. #4 Don't talk about your Ex at all! #7 Definitely you will meet the right person faster the more exposure you get.
Comment from wobbie_69
The first one is two thumbs up?
Have Fun!
Comment from bismark
I agree the second commandment and disagree the first commandment.
Comment from shanti
I totally agree with these date tips; never have sex on first date; smiles & laughter are major turn-ons; be a good listener and think friendship first.
Comment from likable14
Point number 9 is the most important aspect of the "commandments" in my own view. It's important to be friendly with your date, that way you learn a lot about each other, wishes, aspirations, capabilities and limitations. Keeping it slow and steady without rush is equally essential in achieving mutual goals. But this depends on what both partners want or expect from their dating. Is it a one night stand? They'll get bored with each other in no time, that's for sure.
Comment from jom
Have fun, trust your instincts, think friendship first.
Comment from hallymum
Among the fist ten commandments the number 1 is what I disagree most.
Comment from jacs1
I agree with all of the first date commandments. The number one and most important is "don't have sex on the first date" Then it should be your number five "don't be an open book". If you tell them everything on the first date then they have nothing to look forward to on any subsequent dates that you may have with this person. It also takes away from the mystery of who you are. I would make that number two. Then the others I would probably keep in the same order.
Comment from Lewis
I do agree with you Dennie on these date tips. I guess most women are eager to hear the word M at a first date, perhaps she is not the right person.
Comment from alex
I disagree with the never, ever have sex.
Comment from partygirlchs
I don't agree with no sex on the first date.
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