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Never Ending Comparisons
Dear Brenda - I look at comparison shopping for the "perfect mate" thusly: The grass may be greener on the other side, but in the end, it's still grass!! Everyone has their flaws; one may drive you crazy with one thing, but another one may drive you crazy with three things. I would hate to be judged so harshly myself. In the end, it comes down to chemistry. If you have it with someone, go for it; someone might be able to curb their habit of leaving the seat up, but chemistry cannot be created. For awesome chemistry, I can handle putting the seat down!!! Just an opinion. - Michelle
Surely the search is only the start, like a road sign on the start of a journey to the ultimate relationship. The end result should be love, nothing more nothing less. You may think you’ve found the perfect partner, in every way, only to discover there is no love. But on that journey passed, up, on partners who were not perfect, but you would have loved to the end of time. Love is a fickle beast that can not be tied down to whether or not you find a 100% match in a person but rather find someone who has faults and you love them more because of those self same faults. Is this a ramble? I hope not. Cheers. - Mark
Yes, I think I am being realistic. At last... I have been married four times, am in my late forties, and can finally see the light. Unfortunately in seeing the light you now realize from past mistakes that you have to pay attention to every red flag, no matter how small. Many little red flags make one big red flag. And now it is OK to be alone. Being OK with being alone allows one to make much better choices and they are definitely more realistic. - Dana
Do I think I am being realistic when searching for the "perfect" partner? Is anyone being realistic? Most people, and I don't say all, want someone who is aesthetically pleasing, subservient, and will not question their actions, whatever they may be. Of course, if you ask anyone this, they will get defensive and tell you that they never want anything like that. But they lie, nevertheless. I am speaking for myself, and for men, since I don't have enough info on a woman's point of view, but I can give my opinion: A woman wants a man who will love, honor, cherish, not commit adulterous affairs, provide, and never give them trouble during PMS. I learned that lesson firsthand, and to be honest, I am lucky to be alive, let me tell you. But on to your question. Do you direct the question at men more than women or to both equally? Myself, I think I am being VERY realistic in my search for a partner. Contrary to some, looks are not the first thing I am looking for. I search for compatibility, likes and dislikes, her personality, and her intelligence. Actually, intelligence is first, with compatibility and personality after that. I am not like most men, thinking with...well, you know. And I get constantly hounded by my parents and friends with questions like "When are you going to hook up with someone?", "Why are you so choosy?", and the ever popular one, "Are you gay?" I get that question a lot. No, I am not gay. I am just more particular with the women I want to have a relationship with. I get a lot of flak for that. Basically, I am just a creative, intelligent, friendly, good-looking guy who is searching for the "perfect" partner. - Chris
I may have taken me longer than most to catch on, but I have without a doubt, caught on now. I'm very open & up front & ask a lot of questions, before we even meet or talk on the phone. Granted it's harsh sounding, but in reality it's not. #1. Importance. Are you married or in a relationship? If the answer's yes, that's the end of that. I politely thank them for their time, & get on my way. Anyone that's screwing around on a current partner,( in my book there's no good reason, ever) who am i, to think that behavior is going to change? According to the experts, close to 95% do not. #2. Are our interests compatible? Does he like heavy metal @3:00 am? How important is the use of alcohol in your life? Drugs, street or other wise? Daily or more often than an occasional drink, is too much for me. Was with an alcoholic, (very slick one may I add) for nearly 2 yrs, before I found the stash or 35 empty gallon bottles of vodka in the basement. Drugs? Frequency & kind used? May as well tell me now, I will find out. Needles to say, that one went packing, I got an order to cease & desist with in 7 days. He had to get out & out of my life. (It also explained why, he had yet to find a job.) he chose to move to my state, because employment was more readily available. But, you can't go looking for a job when you’re boozed or drugged up. Also, explained why a very generous unemployment check always ran out at the middle of the month. You may ask, why didn't you catch on sooner? As my profession requires, I am on call for 24 hrs every 5 days, & spend from 8 -14 hours a day at the hospital or office,. This was discussed & fully understood before the dating even began. The money was definitely enjoyed; I can assure you of that. #3. Are you bi-polar or have a history of same? (Manic depressive disease)? As a highly motivated & career orientated individual, I am naturally drawn to high energy people. If I get a yes here, it's a big red flag, & I’m gone again. I have been married to 1 bi polar for 18 yrs & lived with one for 9 yrs. I think there is nothing more difficult to do than that., (note the words I think).My opinion only. #4. Do you expect to have children? Simple yes/no here. If no, & the above answers are ok, then lets explore some & see what happens. If it's important, yes. It's over before it's gotten of the ground. I have 2, & can not have more, nor do I want more. As I have read this, it does sound cruel, harsh & rude. We must remember it's not presented in this way, but worked into general conversation; after all it's the rest of my life too. I want it happy. The first 1/2 has been far from what I had hoped for, I’ll be damned if I will live to repeat it again. I also have other things that I need to acquire from an individual before much happens. I'm a bit different. I'm not out to jump the bones of anyone that will allow it. At this stage in a relationship, if it's pushed at me too far & too fast, it's another deal breaker. I expect & will not settle for less than high moral standards. I'm no angel, but can count the people I have been with in an intimate setting on 1 hand. Nor am I young, I’m 44. I'm not religious, although spiritual, I take care of my body, & I am very mindful of what goes in it. It's a far cry from most 44 yr olds I see. Well, I hope I helped answer your questions. I know I am not the norm. But the opposite. But, this time round, should it happen, it will be right. I have not signed or given any idea of my id, but if necessary, just reply to email & I will gladly furnish it to you, once I find out what will be happening to that info.
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