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Being Coy Won't Get The Boy
Comment from fluidasfire
I totally agree that men aren't idiots when it comes to feelings. I have also read the book "he is just not that into you" and i think it is excellent for helping obsessive type women get over a guy who really isn't interested. Games are bad for both people no matter what is going on, but generally if a guy doesn't call, he isn't interested. I also think that books like the two you mentioned are more about trying to teach women to have a life outside of her man. Men have lives outside of their women, but for centuries a woman's life revolved around her man. Times have changed because we as women pushed for things to be different. We just didn't realize that in the process some of our attitudes had to change also... to me, that was the fundamental point of the those books. The "rules" are just some silly superfluous thing that overlies the important message: Women need to have their own lives... need to judge their self worth on their accomplishments, not on whether or not they have a man... the men will come when you have self confidence... etc.
Thank You. You cleared my vision on issues I'm struggling to understand. I'm attempting to make a heart and soul connection with a man and thinking most are just interested in something satisfying yet easy. It seems like no matter my approach 1st to mind, heart, physical, every time the guy chooses to zig if I zag. To see the individual at the stage he is in helps define the wide variety of responses I've gotten.
Comment from marybethrogers
I'm a widow who was married for 42 years. I never believed any of the garbage about playing hard to get, but I'm still getting the stereotypical view from so-called love advisors. Thank goodness, there is someone out there who agrees with me. I cannot see why women can't call men and why we have to play those stupid mind games. I think it's ridiculous. I'm with a man right now who has told me that he doesn't mind if I call him at all. He says that if a woman wants to get her needs met, she has to communicate. I've been told to give him space and to ignore him and let him call me because if I play hard to get, it will drive him crazy and he'll want me all the more. I can't honestly believe that and it's not going to happen with this lady. I love this guy and he loves me and if he con't communicate with me for some reason, I'll communicate with him.
Comment from cn114
I think I agree and have read the books you refer to as being sold a bag of bad goods!
Comment from Carson
Nice article David but as a women who has been dating for the last 25 years, I know for a fact that men play games as well. You even said it in your article....as soon as the woman lets down her guard and becomes vulnerable by showing feelings for the guy, he runs! Men get bored when the challenge is over and go for someone else. Or they are constantly searching for greener pastures, only to find the next pasture is filled with bull#@%&. Then they come running back! It's so predictable. Im working on a book called "They just dont make men like the used to". Men have become shallow and lazy when it comes to dating. Complex my @!#!.
Being in the dating “GAME “for almost a year and experiencing what I've experienced, I have to be honest, I’m about ready to call it quits. I'm a decent looking, 35year old male. I have to agree with your article totally, but I don't think it goes far enough. I am convinced that most women don't truly know what they want. They say that they know what they want, but in talking more with them and asking some questions in round about ways, I have found that what they say they want and what they " truly "want are two totally different things. I read a statement that is very true:" A man needs to feel needed ".for something and in some way. At one time a man was needed for many different things, but today, what is a man truly “NEEDED "for? Try striking a conversation up along these lines and the first response I get is “I don't want a man who needs to needed." I'm sorry, but it's “HUMAN NATURE ". Way back a man was needed to hunt for his tribe, bring home the bacon and help to protect his family. Well today, women can earn more money than men, he doesn't have to hunt, and what is there to protect his family from? WHAT IS A MAN TRULY NEEDED FOR TODAY? SEX? NOT EVEN FOR THAT. So what is left for the woman to want or need from a man? She can basically get what ever she needs without a man. So today, I believe that men are nothing more than something a woman is supposed to have ,but none of them know why .We're good for a few household chores or the occasional romp in the hay , but I am thoroughly convinced that most women don't need a steady man in their life. Maybe this is why there are so many single people out there and very high divorce rates. As for being a companion, women are hanging out more and more with their girlfriends and confiding in them. SO, please tell me where a man is "needed" so we can feel some kind of a sense of belonging. I have found women today WAY too picky. They want the perfect guy .When you hear what only half of their list of traits for their perfect man consists of, he already doesn't exist. I think they expect way too much of men. Please don't get me wrong, there are some great women out there that have a fantastic idea of what it takes to make a relationship great. Just look at the stats and realize that there is a lot more than just a little game of " playing hard to get." that is causing the high divorce rates and poor dating scene. I would really like to think that things are a lot different, but through a lot of talking with members of the opposite sex, I truly do not believe that there is any true need for a man in a woman’s life other than a "PLAY THING", or something that can be used occasionally, but not “NEEDED". Please give me your feed back and maybe I can look at this a little differently. This is not just some whacked out guy talking, I really think we have a serious issue on our hands here. I love women and love being with them in a relationship, but unless attitudes begin to change, there is going to be many more single and unhappy people out there in the next few years.
Comment from Iberiana
I think this article is clear and right, it reminded me to the" Golden Rule" by which I have tried to live my life. Thank you. Ana Maria
Comment from centauri
This a helpful article, but I wouldn't lump He's Just Not That Into You and The Rules in the same category. The Rules tells the reader to play hard to get, but the other book (written by men) is a reality check for women who are being strung along and jerked around by men. This book doesn't advise you be coy or play games, it simply tells you to get out of a one-sided relationship, go find somebody who is worthy and to stop wasting your time on men who don't appreciate you. Please go read the book again--it is the most helpful self-help book for women I have read.
Comment from delles44
I agree completely. For the past few weeks, there has been a very special lady I am interested in. At first we started talking openly and very honestly and even made 2 promises to each other: honesty, even if it would hurt, and to be vulnerable to each other. Well, lo' and behold if she didn't become more distant and often unavailable for deep chat or lunch etc. She keeps telling me to keep in touch, and you know how to reach me, but when I do she keeps it short and doesn't let me really get into her. At first, this was somewhat of a challenge, but now it is becoming a turn off. I'm not sure if I should read this as "I'm no longer interested in you" or if she is just being coy. I've told her to just be herself and let's learn each other, but she remains somewhat distant. NOT GOOD...I like to be intimate in a relationship and TRUST one another not play games. I really like this lady and find her extremely interesting and attractive with many commonalities....What should a man do?
Awesome article. well done!!!
Comment from Catkins (I think)
I have a comment on the following: "Contrary to popular belief, men are not one dimensional creatures. Most men don’t simply sit around with their friends grunting and burping like Neanderthals. As a matter of fact, you’d probably be surprised to know that most men talk very openly with their friends about their feelings toward women, about love, and about their emotions. In addition, most men are very aware of their own issues with intimacy and commitment, and most of the time they know when they are ready to confront these issues, and make a go of it with a woman."
If this really is popular belief then shame on womankind! Any woman who really thinks this about men and thinks that men don't talk about their feelings etc with friends are so hideously out of touch that they need a sharp dose of reality and sharp kicking out of their stereotyped thick heads.
A Men!! Its nice to see a man's perspective on this put in writing since it does not happen that often. Women seem to have more than enough advice coming from every direction about what to do and when to do it. Men get little to none. I think most men believe they are portrayed as idiots running around totally disconnected with themselves and the women they are involved with. That may be true for some but not all. These articles and books seem to imply they have the inside track on how we all operate. The problem is in stereotyping. Women have their own set of issues just like men but the difference is they get more advice on dealing with them and not all of it is sound advice. Taking a real hard look at the individual person (male or female) and using a combination of your heart and common sense is the best advice you can give someone. Who ever said it was easy anyway? Any advice from anyone should only be used as a guide and not as absolute truth. True love and commitment is hard work just like anything else in life that is worth having. Maybe using the philosophy of eyes wide open, rather than eyes wide shut is the best advice all around. Thanks for another perspective.
Comment from kloe818
I have read "He's just not that into you" and I don't see it as a book about being coy. I saw it as a book to help you realize when a man isn't interested and to save yourself the heartache of worrying about what's going on in a man's head and why he isn't calling or why he isn't asking you out. For the most part, it teaches you that if the guy isn't at least showing some interest, then don't waste your time wondering. Assume he isn't, and if he is, he'll let you know. Its not about being coy as much as it is about having some sense of realism towards relationships. I know that if a guy isn't making an effort to talk to me when he can, then he's not that interested in dating me. It was a humorous read.
Comment from dolfinluv123
This article was very well written. I especially enjoyed the author's comments regarding how most women perceive men as Neanderthals. I see men as being in their true state of being the majority of the time. They don't complicate matters with other's opinions, or feel the need to upgrade themselves to impress others. I believe females and males are on a different level of understanding for the most part but part of the dating fun is getting to know people. If all men were the nasty creatures women think they are, then why waste your time dating anyone. Obviously, we all are searching for the right individual because we know the good ones do exist. Would you stop part way on a treasure hunt, knowing the fortune is just up the road? Dating is the same thing, you have to sort through the clutter and chaos to get the prize in the end. My thanks go out to the author for keeping it real.
Comment from LdyLovebug28
Finally, an article that makes sense. I read excerpts from the book He's Just Not that Into You today, and I must say it's profoundly discouraging to think that most men would be the way they are described in that book. I refuse to believe that the majority of men are as shallow as the author describes them to be. I'm not into playing games. If I honestly communicate my feelings with a guy and he heads for the door, then that's truly where he needs to go. Thank you for a well-written, enlightening article.
Comment from pam0314
I read your article, as I sat here, crying in my beer. I got together with a guy. He and I attend the same church. He seemed so sweet, and I have a bad habit of getting too emotionally involved. We definitely were physically attracted to one another, but he did not want a serious relationship, by any means. In a nutshell, he was only interested in me physically. I made plans to do other things with him, but it was always me making the plans. Sometimes, he participated, other times he made excuses why he could not. I thought that if I continued to try, he would give himself the change to get to know me in other ways than just physical attraction. Needless to say, it did not work. He finally avoided me completely. He screened his calls, and would not talk to me. Maybe I was just too needy. Now it has damaged my self esteem. He is not that great looking, and he is very old fashioned and conservative. I am 7 years younger than he. I take care of myself, and I get many compliments on how young I look for my age. I thought that he would appreciate being with someone like me. WRONG!!! He is a man, no matter what he looks like. He has hurt me just the same. We have been seeing each other four months. I know I need to move on. Today I have PMS, and I just can't seem to pick myself up. I tried internet dating, but got no positive responses. How do I move on without feeling like I am the most unattractive woman in the world?
Comment from chicary
Having read your commentary regarding how women stereotype men and think the coy technique is the way to catch the man of their dreams, I must admit, you have certainly hit the nail on the proverbial head. However, with one exception: attraction. Now, attraction can come in many forms: there is physical attraction, mental attraction, emotional attraction, or just plain ol' like each other. The attraction I am referring to is physical. You mentioned this form of attraction comes in second when a woman meets a man. Actually, from Psych. 101, physical attraction is the first thing that catches a woman's eye. We are all visual creatures: men like to look at large breasts or long legs; women like a handsome face, strong physic. Then, and only then, when physical attraction has passed the woman's test, will she pursue the first stage. Also, financial security has a lot to play in this, but this doesn't come into that realm until the attraction test has been given a passing grade. That is why guys like to drive fancy, expensive cars. From high school they been programmed to believe that a fancy car represents wealth and prestige. In high school, it does. In adulthood, well, lets just say a lot of adults haven't graduated from high school. But, still, physical attraction is the main ingredient to a successful meeting, unless the man is known to be very wealthy, a movie star, a rock star, or heard over the gossip fence that he is very virile. Women love to hear what other women think of a particular man whether it be good or bad. And, mostly, women prefer bad boys over nice guys. But, that is a different subject. Thank you for your insightfulness and let us all hope that women read and understand now how men are. We are sensitive people, too.
Comment from jtk4259
Excellent advice & commentary. Sounds like some of the things my female therapist friends have been telling me for years.
Comment from Anthony
Hello I am a straight guy and was curious about the article and I totally agree with what was written. A lot of women seem to play this game and because of this it usually ends in frustration for both parties (men and women). While a short chase (for a potential lifetime mate) might be ok, a marathon is not. I hope ALL WOMEN would read this article and make needed adjustments by doing so it would increase the likelihood of meeting the RIGHT PERSON (perhaps in a shorter period of time).
Comment from magnavita
Good piece of writing with a strong message.
Comment from heat
Bravo! Hopefully single women will actually take your honesty to heart. Don't play games! It is a waste of time, and won't lead to quality people in your life. Nothing can be built without strong foundations! Peace, happiness, and freedom!
idk, the coy thing has worked 4 me so far...
Comment from Blayne
Boy sure hope all women knew men weren't sports watching, beer drinking, couch potatoes, looking for a momma. Thanks for the article.
Comment from tommymills336
I'm soon happy you wrote this article ,I'm sick of fake women who are scared little girls!
Comment from Betty Pettegrew
Recently I met a man on a dating site. he IMed me. It took awhile after chatting w/him and basically there were two things I didn't like off of the bat. He hadn't been out of a relationship long enough and he smoked. All things that I had started in my profile that I didn't want. However I made the exception and fell attracted and in like. I liked his level of intellect, quick whit, great sense of humor and the most attractive lips I'd ever seen. However; because he hadn't been out of his divorced long enough and the complications of having a son in a sport shortened the amount of time that we could spend together. that tended to make me feel upset in the time that he didn't make for me. Then there were the phone calls that he more often than not didn't return or returned at his leisure. I would have gotten out of this relationship or situation sooner however; there were those 3 dates in a period of 5 weeks and sexy conversations that drew me to him more and more. And those dates were filled with fun and laughter and attraction and kissing and wanting more. I laughed more than I've ever laughed before. But no matter what everything this guy did was 3 times slower the speed than I needed. It basically all ended due to the lack of what I would call very little interest shown in me. And then one day after having a bad day at the office feeling needing to reach him to talk to him about it, one voice message left then two and he never returned my calls. I will also say that 3x's there were things that he did that he knew I didn't like. Seems like every time he took a step forward he'd take two back. The first time he came into my apt to pick me up. the kissed me the kind of kiss that you receive after intimacy. so I didn't like that. Second thing he did second date. I was in the kitchen preparing his plate to eat as I made him a nice dinner .he came up behind me and felt me up. We hadn't even had the opportunity to make out yet? So that wasn't cool. Third time he thought he'd be spontaneous and pick me up after work w/out showering to go to a ball game. He hadn't shaved in two days and he was wearing a pair of uniform blue pants w/a shirt he obviously yanked from the closet. Not a good impression however I was a good sport about it. and made it a point to have a good time at the ball game anyway. The last straw was when he on that particular night decided he wanted to have sex. and jumped into my clean sheet and refused to take a shower. I sent him home. I did some pretty dumb things myself. mine were mostly things that I said to offend him. Things I would never and have never said to anyone that I was interested dating and was attracted too. I suggested that he make changes. changes for the better however; they all suggested that I was trying to change him before I even had the opportunity to get to know him. These things I know had to be hurtful but he managed to forgive me as I apologized to him. How did we get off on the wrong foot? I really liked the person and wanted more time with him and I know he liked me too. What a shame. If it weren't so sad.this would make a great comedy sitcom!
Comment from Acey
Hum!..I really think the article made a great deal of sense. But..now hear this oh! wise author, I have met several men, starting point was the internet, this is true, but at 60 and trapped in my room pretty much now it's the only way I can meet anyone. Having had a full lifestyle and meeting people in an international working environment, I found them to be primarily married, so..cx that group, then we come upon those that lie about their status, you get interested and arrange to meet, cx that group, then they have shoes that have seen better days, nails that need a scrub and want one thing only.this is true all over the world too I may add. they want sexual adventures, cx that group. (I should add now that I have closed my business due to flight cancellations, I don't have income at the moment), (so cx me). But I have always paid for drinks, coffee, dinner and even a room for a German who came to spend a holiday weekend in Paris for a holiday weekend, he thought he would spend it in my room, as soon as I saw him I knew he was married. I am not, or was not bad looking until hard times hit in Dec. The ones that are not married want the same, if they are in my age group they are quite happy being alone, but think it would be fun to fool around on their terms. Is this a meaningful relationship candidate, no, of course not. So I am not really sure that your concept of what men want and think is accurate for all ages. But, I shall buy your next book..and wonder why I never found the perfect mate while I was still traveling and had money.
Comment from Mackspane
Thank you David. Thank you so much. For years I have been espousing the same philosophy and telling the bevy of women who were to just friends with me the "hard to get" approach only attracts men who are interested in the chase and not the relationship. Personally if a woman acts uninterested in me, I move on, and I do NOT pursue. If I show interest in a woman and she shows interest in return, then I'll pursue. Why? Because I respect women. If a woman wants to get that hunk who has no respect for women and is into the chase, fine. be coy. If they want a quality man with a quality mind, and a man who will respect her, then they best let him know somehow they are also interested or the "nice guys" like me will absolutely dismiss them as prospects. Bravo! for writing an accurate article which will hopefully wake up those women who believe in playing hard to get.
HOME RUN Sister!
Comment from
VERY well written and thank-you SO much for dispelling the myths. I have read both books and have refused to be anything but myself. Sincerely, New to the dating world but having fun!!!
Comment from JohnWW
Thank you for the first sensible article that I have read regarding this subject. I get tired of the games women play. I know that men play them too. Both sexes seem to have this attitude that it is all about them. When a man and a woman realize that it is about giving to each other unselfishly, then there is a chance that you both can achieve that level of intimacy that you both want. There are many other factors that go into the equation for success in a relationship--honesty trust, communication, listening, understanding and acceptance of each other; but there is nothing that turns a man off more than knowing he's being used in a woman's mind game.
Comment from incognito
Who is this David Wygant???? What kind of crazy fool must he be to speak the, the truth!! Logical, rational, straightforward truth about dating?? Aimed at women?? I have never seen such insanity.
Comment from good_kisser
Its impossible to tell the difference if she's playing coy / hard to get, or she is saying NO - go away. In today's society, if a woman says NO go away, and I mistake that for a coy game of yes chase me harder, I might end up hit, arrested, filed with a lawsuit, fired from my job, and labeled as a sex offender. Its easier, and safer all around if she acts hard to get, go away boy, and find a new girl, right away. Sorry lady, if you really didn't mean it, you said have said what you meant, and meant what you said...
Have you actually read He's Just Not That Into You? Where does it suggest being coy or acting unattainable?
Comment from WhatsMissing
There is an act that many women reflexively play that is similar to "playing coy" but is easily confused with it. It is actual disinterest. When a woman walks into a bus station and finds toothless men, she is not playing coy with any of them. It is easy to interpret the fragile coy technique as adamant disinterest and the urgent need to avoid eye contact. Who wants to be around someone who appears to wish you were not in the room? When a woman is playing coy, a man has to show an urgent insensitivity and force eye contact with her. This bold arrogance and rude action may be what some woman are hoping for when they play this mind game. Also, when a woman plays the part of a lost deer in the woods, she is looking for a hunter to catch her. But hunters are often addicted to hunting, and may have no experience with being faithful. If the goal is a long term relationship, then the woman needs to find a way to be interesting. Interesting like Scheherazade or T'Pol or Laura Croft or Buffy the Vampire Slayer or 7 of 9.
Comment from loanpony
that's all fine and good. But what about my situation. I have no problem with men falling for me. I just can't seem to commit to them or want to be with them after about a month. I am not a young person. I am 57 years old and very independent I want very much to have a companion but seem to attract the wrong men. I have begun to think that I was meant to be alone the rest of my life. If you could recommend a book or something that would help. I would appreciate it. Thank you Barb
Comment from fc726
I guess it is true that I share my feelings. Now- only because I am single after 13 years. But I only share them with friends of the opposite sex or my brother-in law who is in the same boat. I'd like to be able to share them with a really special gal though. I think you are right- I may have missed out on meeting two different ladies. Our eyes met but I just couldn't break the ice. I thought of just blurting - do you want to get a coffee? But I chickened out. Not sure I can afford a third strike! Batter up!
Comment from tsmo14
Wow, that was really deep. thanx for that advice! I will SO take it!
Comment from
Amen!! that was great, you hit the nail on the head, thank u! now, all I have to do is apply
Comment from fud25
Well put. Its ironic that as I flip through personal ads, I often see the phrase "no head/mind games please" somewhere in some shape or form. I read that and think to myself, "What are the chances this person is one that initiates these games?" I'm thinking pretty high. Not that all people who wish to avoid the games are really into it, but I think a large percentage of them are. The games are lame, and a lot of the dating politics and etiquettes border along the games. Its silly. I hate it. Its what makes dating so miserable and such a chore. I've also noticed the trend that the better a person looks physically, the more likely they will be into games. Tough to stay real these days I guess.
Comment from SoCalPrince
I was so thankful when I read this article. I have spent the last two years being frustrated because I refuse to play the games that seem to be required in order to initiate any kind of romance with a woman, and I feel penalized for it. It is good to know that someone out there is recommending that women not play "hard to get", but rather be yourselves and allow yourself to connect with a man with whom you have chemistry and attraction.
Comment from queenJiLLiAN
I think you can fall in love with anyone. its all in how much you two are willing to work, in order, to achieve it.
Comment from Hamid
I agree with Mr David Wygant's reel analyze about all women's common attitudes to handle with men and their attempts to get their attentions. The fundamental question using by women is looking to be a general way: instead of begin now an open conversation, at intellectual level, have the other factor which is the spiritual and physical attraction; they seems to choose another, traditional way: Let the men feeling down, solos.to attract them back. This is one common attitude. The other is a conversation-interrogation, and the men have to answer. Once again: The men are expecting a relationship full of intimacy, attraction and feeling. So, let's start with a soft, psychological and attractive meetings; the men in this phase are like a white pages. They want to give and say all or most all what they have to hear and to get. For the them is every meeting as important as if is the first one. Women! Be very patients, attractive. and handle with men as softly as you are expecting they will treat you at the same level. This may consist as a good start for your future life!
MAN!! This is so on-the-nail it's scary! I've been single for about five years, don't have any dependants who call me daddy, and I think I look all right - tall dark and. . I have a few really cool friends in different circles too. There's nothing that turns me off more than a lack of interest. Even a smile and a bit of a gaze is pretty cool. Anyway, I think the best thing you can do if you want to meet a guy is be your-self - and take some pride in it! It's a bit of a cliche, sure. And, if you're not the person you want to be, get on with improving it! It takes a lot of motivation sometimes, but who wants to go out with a person who always winges on about this problem or that hassle? No-one wants someone like that! Men and women alike. Anyway, I've met someone on the net a few months ago, and she's absolutely wonderful. I met her on an organised dating site activity.
Comment from ashoxy
I like this piece of advice you've given to women folk, it's really nice and I hope a lot of people would adhere to it. I need an advice from you as well. I want to know how to meet a woman. I mean if I see a lady for a first time and I like her and also like to get along with her, how do I go about this? I know it matters how you make your first gambit, it mars or make it. I hope to get a reply from you.
Comment from Judy
Hi David the points you make about women playing mind games could be interpreted as 'natural selection'...a woman needs to know many things about a man before she can commit because she has the ultimate job of rearing a family. At a intellectual level I think women can meet men more as friends and companions easier then a man can meet a woman on the same level. Attraction comes first for a man where as a woman can enjoy a companionship type relationship as well as a 'full on one'..women are left in the dark by most men by their secretive nature and fear and anxiety most men experience when they meet a attractive woman. She is attracted to humour and the 'bad boy' type because he has triggered her attraction by being like that. If a man is 'too nice' she is bored..and plays hard to get , perhaps this is what you call mind games. I don't think she can help it to be honest, I think if any thing Mr Nice Guy has to learn to cool his ardour and play hard to get then he will be attractive to her. Still its good fun working it all out. And in the meantime just be yourself and be honest, caring and kind. I think like attracts like and ultimately you will 'click' with someone on all levels who are prepared to commit, with 'headlights on main beam'. But its like 'fishing' some you might want, some you want and lose, some you don't want and put back asap, and then you get the 'big one'...I don't think a woman would play her tests then her instincts will tell her not to make it too difficult!
Like the article and hope you are right!!! Haven't had much luck in the relationship arena, myself. I've been told that I'm too honest and not "mysterious" enough. Don't know how or IF I want to change that - I am what I am - and a more complex creature than most people take the time to get to know the many "sides" of Lisa!
Comment from perfect_babexo
I totally agree on everything that is being said!
Comment from amqueenbee
This is a very cool article! I am glad I stopped to read it!
Comment from bwaynet1
Bravo! You nailed this issue! I stopped letting ladies play that little coy game a long time ago. Whenever I sense this game playing technique is being used it's walk away time without even blinking! Ladies, you should commit this article to memory! Well said David!
Comment from Dawnmarie_47
This was a great article. It is all so very true. I used to be to emotionally available because I felt like I "NEEDED" someone. Then I completely went the other way. "Ignore" them, and they'll come running. Not true. Emotional games are time consuming and tiring. I was the one that ended up hurt or out in the cold.
Well said !
Comment from myke00
excellent, so true, bravo bravo. Mind games are a waste of time ,energy, and emotion. Honesty, openness, trust, faith, and romance are all good. Be yourself.
Comment from dwbrown618
Dear editor, Your letter should be very instructive for women as well as men. It, as a man, reflects many of my awn experiences over the years, as well as getting me to reflect on some things I hadn't thought of recently or at all. Oh, and girls, He's right! My experience .has shown me that men are as likely to share their feelings with pals as women are to sit around and discuss men, cuss, and talk trash. I gained some food for thought as I hope many of you will too. Thanks, Dave
I loved this article..It made so much sense.
Comment from lea postoak
These are really good articles that are very helpful for people thanks,
Comment from MarVel_C
I do not agree 100% with the article, because in my own experience I have been successful using the technique of not giving attention to someone I like at least 4 or 5 times. Let me tell you one experience. There was a man or may I say an "Adonis", very, very handsome and attractive and there were a lot a girls dying for him. He was used always to be the center of attention. I was introduced to him and knowing how he felt regarding women, that was it, until later on when we met again in a party and saw a friend with him, I approached to say hello and he tried to introduce the "handsome" to me, he said "I already met her.." and I said "Sorry, I don`t remember..". Later, I learned from my friend that he was hurt because I didn`t remember him and guess what, from that day, he tried to get close to me trying to find out why I was not attracted to him like all women around him. Of course, we didn`t succeed in anything because after a couple of conversations with him, I realized that he was terribly conceited and I wasn`t interested. The same has happened to me 3 or 4 times, until I met someone who really was worthwhile beside good looks. Of course I have met also men in different ways but sometimes the so called "coy technique" have worked. I have never manipulated a man, they have fell for me on their own and after meeting me they have liked the kind of woman I am.(sorry for my errors in English)
Comment from olivechi
Thanks for this article , I really do believe that all this stuff we ladies get to read in book about how to win a man's heart is all nonsense, relationship is a real thing that needs one to work on and not to manipulate one to loving you .
Thank you. I needed to read this. It's perfect.
Comment from joe
You've got it right. I am a man who will exit quickly as soon as the games begin. If woman knew how difficult (and often uncomfortable) it is for us men to deal with the process of initially meeting them, they would not be so quick to play such games. Then, once we meet them, we still have to get through the again difficult and often uncomfortable preliminary aspects of a potential relationship. We men do not need the additional stress and difficulty of having to be guessing what game are we playing, or what test we are being subjected to. And to add insult to injury we usually have to pay for the privilege of playing their games.
Good advice - I just emailed two on the fence fellas and asked them to lean one way or t'other. Felt good to not be forced to play it cool. A gentle nudge is sometimes a welcome invitation to go for it for a guy who may not know if his advances are welcome or will be wasted effort.
Comment from SpeedWizrd
Thanks. Finally. and hopefully more women will read this. I've 99.8% given up, because of all the "worldly knowledge" of those two books. Please keep the good information flowing. maybe it will help in the real world!!
This is a very interesting article!!! I do believe that it can also be applied the other way around to some extend or another
From the perspective of a man,,,, I agree, if only to make women to stop playing these stupid games. We men are not stupid, and not afraid to walk away. It doesn't matter how attractive she is. If she into games..... BYE> I'm 35, and quite don't have time for the crap anymore.
This a very informative and realistic passage that should be seen by everyone as its everybody business. Continue to send these mail to me.
Comment from ForeverEve
Great article and very true -- I couldn't write it better :) Almost everybody tends to generalize -- and looking for a real match so often is such a long and sometimes disappointing (for whatever reasons) journey, that we all too often try to reason using poor excuses. My personal experience taught me to be really patient, keep my cool and above all -- to be myself; game playing brings usually immediate but at the same time very temporary and artificial results. At some point you'd just love to be yourself again. unless you live and work in Hollywood. Best regards.
Comment from helen
This article encouraged me to continue improving myself. I shared this with my boyfriend and he wanted to work on our conversation levels. This reminded me of the most important areas of relationships and when I don't find these in another person it is "just where they are". I can move on and realize there is others out there who desire to understand themselves and others. Thank you for your insight.
Comment from Blondie30_30
I have purchased the book "He's Just Not That Into You" and "Why Men Love Bitches" I would have to say that after purchasing and reading the two books "Why Men Love Bitches" is a book for every woman who is dating. I think this article was eye opening. I have been swaying from one side to the other about men since I have recently started dating again after separating with my husband. What have I done wrong is the question that comes to mind, why didn't he fall for me like I did him? After some reading, I do believe that no matter what you do you can't make a man fall in love with you, games or no games. It just happens. Some people are lucky and don't have to search long for love while others it feels like a lifetime.
Good Information!!
Comment from ohyababy
contact: no Someone had to tell them! As an intelligent woman, I didn't buy that book and the first I heard of it was reading a date newsletter. I couldn't believe women actually bought that book and were trying those ridiculous methods to try to catch a man. I personally look for men who can keep me both intellectually and physically stimulated.
Comment from Molly Magoo
Very sound advise to all! I feel that you really hit the nail on the head!!! Do you think also that selfishness and intolerance are important issues to strive to conquer in one's personality? I honestly feel that no one respects a needy doormat . On the other hand one can become an ego pain in the behind!
Then maybe men need to understand they are falling in love with "unavailability" or emotionally distant females who will eventually become available. Then what?
I entirely agree with the guest writers advice. Most of us have this amorous feeling that love should continue being the hot and bothered kind. We forget that the most enduring one is the one that we have to work and strive for everyday of our lives.
Comment from gabby_1
inasmuch as I understand what the guest writer is saying I may not quite fully agree on some points. granted sometimes acting coy can get the man's attention but for some men, it can be a put-off.being original, natural could count more instead.it is simple for them.if you are interested or can be then show it .but if you act too coy.they may say what the heck.not worth my time.
This is real frank talk from a good writer.
Comment from Petiteone01
Finally an article that treats men as feeling humans with a full set of emotions. This article not only challenges some of the myths, it calls game playing exactly what it is game playing. Relationships aren't built on games but feelings and work on both parties parts. Great article.
Comment from rbselkie
Hajullah! Finally some commonsense information...Being a mature woman who hasn't dated in 18 years, the dating world is a very scary place. I read Mr Wygant's books and use all the suggestions! It works! Meet a find gentleman..the jury is still out, but am enjoying myself for the 1st time!
Comment from spartanstorkbird
Well written.
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