Sex, love, or infatuation?

Dear Brian,
I am a 28 year old female. However, I am struggling with my sexual preference. I get more pleasure from women but I don't mind men on occasion. What does this mean? I am also in love with my girlfriend and I am not sure why. Could it be sex, lust, infatuation?
- Sunshine


Dear Sunshine,
If you get more pleasure from women but "don't mind men on occasion," it would seem you are a lesbian. Some might say you're bi-sexual with a decided preference for your own gender, but by saying you "don't mind" sex with men, you give the impression that sex with men isn't particularly satisfying nor something you'd go out of your way to experience, whereas sex with women gives you all the gratification you need. It's one thing if you "don't mind" something, but quite another to desire it. If you desire women but not men, your preference is for women.

As for your feelings for your girlfriend, sex, lust, and infatuation could go hand-in-hand, but that wouldn't make it love. Is your attraction to her primarily or exclusively physical? If so, it's a sexual thing. But if you get a kick out of just being near or with her, and there are strong feelings of tenderness present that you don't feel toward your other friends, it's very likely that you are in love with her. If you think she feels the same, let her know. You don't have to simply blurt it out, but communicate your feelings in looks and gestures. Before long, she's sure to pick up on your signals.

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