Found An Old Love

Dear Brian,
I am gay, and almost 20 yrs. ago, while I was a freshman in college, I met a woman, who was a Sr. and an RA in my dorm. There was always a strong connection between us, but nothing sexual happened. One night I was in her room and she asked me to sit on her bed and she showed me a book of poetry she had written. I recently found out from her that she never even showed that book to her family. I recently contacted her thru our alumni book and emailed her. It had been 19 yrs since I had seen her, but I had a huge crush on her back then, and over the years, I never forgot her and it kept eating at me that I needed to contact her and find out if there really was something between us way back then and whether there could be now. So, I met her for dinner and we had a wonderful time. She invited me to her house after dinner and we hung out and looked at the yearbooks. I could tell she was in terested and wanted to kiss me. Back in college we came very close to kissing. So, then she drove me back to my hotel and she came in for a while. I wasn't going to make the first move because I still had strong feelings for her and she knew I had feelings for her and I was trying to protect myself. So she left and I was standing at the door as she was walking to the elevator and she kept turning around, then she finally came back and kissed me. It was amazing.

 The following night she had a dinner/work party in the city and I didn't expect to see her. I got back to my hotel room around 9:30 and she left a message. So I called her cell and she was actually sitting outside in her car waiting for me to get back. She wanted to come up, but I said no and suggested going for a drive instead. We did and had another wonderful time together. Then we parked at the hotel and she kissed me. It was the most sensuous kiss I have ever received. I had never felt that way inside ever before when I ki ssed someone. Well this lasted about 2 hrs. on and off, and we also talked about some personal issues. She wanted to come up to my room, but I knew she was recently out of a relationship that she had broken off and I knew if she stayed that my heart would get broken. So I said no. I left and she drove off. She told me the next day that she is never attracted to woman that strongly, not to any of her last partners. I believe she is a sincere, kind, intelligent woman and truly felt things for me. She admitted that she dreamt about me all night and that to her amazement she has very strong feelings for me. I feel like she is "the one" for me. I think she is fighting it cause she had a bad relationship where her ex wanted her to change and not be herself. They were not well suited. We, on the other hand, love so many of the same things, and have this weird connection where we are thinking the same things at the same time, etc.

So, she told me she isn't interested in a relationship right now. I don't know if she's just scared of what she's feeling for me. She told me she's never a very sexual person, people just don't turn her on, but with me it was different. She couldn't stop kissing me and wanted more. Of course, I already had feelings for her, and now I have fallen for her. I don't know what to do to get her to see that she shouldn't throw this kind of chemistry away out of fear. I want to spend the rest of my life with her and I know she is feeling alot of things too, but she tends to think too much, instead of following her heart. This is really hard on me. I'm trying to be patient, but I don't want to be a fool and be wasting my time and end up getting more and more attached to her. We have been talking every day. What can I do? I'm crazy about her and I truly believe she is crazy about me too. How can I get her to realize she'd be making a huge mistake to throw this away? Please help.
- Becky12

Dear Becky12,
This sounds like true love to me, but your friend is letting her fear of being hurt hinder a what seems likely to be a relationship you would both cherish. Since your letter to me indicates you are not shy about expressing yourself in prose, perhaps the best way to let her know how you feel is by writing her some deep, heart felt letters in which you explain exactly how you feel about her, and your hopes to establish a long-term, committed relationship with her. Send her love poems, too, while you’re at it. Let her know you love her and tell her how love like this comes along only once in a lifetime, if at all.

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