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Home > Dating Advice > Ask Brenda > Question/Answer > Readers Respond |
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 READERS RESPOND |
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Approaching the Girl with the Spotlight Job
Comment from The_Seeker01
Hello Can't sleep, First I would like to wish you best of luck in your task. I have been there in your shoes before and had a hard time trying to put together a way to get that conversation started. I do think Brenda had good advice for you. The only thing that I would add to that is wait till there isn't a lot of people around so she dosn't feel so put on the spot and she can be a little more herself. I would really like to know how this turns out for you because I might have to give this a try myself. Good Luck.
Brenda is completely right. LOL. Yup, completely. I've been in a similar situation, and when I did ask her out the resulting kick in the teeth sent me packing. But I think I'm a better man for it. Courage my friend.... courage.
Comment from notjustbrowsing
Dear Can't sleep, I have worked as a cashier at a music retailer's in between jobs and throuroughly agree with Brenda in saying that it is a 'spotlight job'. Out of all the jobs I have had so far the position of cashier has easily been the one which provided the best exposure to men. But I must admit that any plan such as that which Brenda suggests would be a turn off. Looking out for me and preferring my check out point to anyone else's was as much attention as I could manage on the job. I think that you should just limit yourself to time spent at the check out point and try to strike up a conversation, ask what time she finishes at, etc...
Don't take it too seriously.
I would advise a more descreet approach. like figuring out her schedule and showing up there fairly often to buy small items. each time you visit you can make comments like you are always have a smile on your face. the next time give her a compliment like your hair looks nice like that. the third time gee you are always working, it must drive your boyfriend nuts. if she has a boyfriend then follow with what a lucky guy and with a smile say have a good day. if she does not have a boyfriend she will say I don't have a boyfriend and yes I do work a lot of hours. the fourth time ask her when she takes her break could you buy her a smoothie. you have to stoke her interest with baby steps.
I think the flower idea is corny! I wouldn't fall for that at all. I think just some nice conversation would be better. Perhaps starting out by asking for assistance in helping locate something in the store or maybe asking for advice on a selection between items. Just my opinion.
Comment from Toesorig
I find that a simple and bright HI!!...followed by a smile is one of the best ways to start a comversation with a stranger in this high profile setting.....her reaction and comments you will tell you immediately if she is interested by the look in her eye and what she says back to you....but this alone will not do the trick...this is only the initial phase, whereby if you received good vibes from the intial HI encounter, that you repeat the process, on the second time you use some of the information you learned from her during the first conversation...you will know within the first two encounters if she is receptive to meeting you....on the third visit if it feels that the first two went well and if you think she is receptive, then give her your business card, and introduce yourself....or if you do not have a business card, then simple say, My name is Gary and smile like you did when you said HI the first time. If she instinctively tells you her name than you are going in th e right direction to talk with her...but if she does not tell you her name, then ask her "and what is your name?"..with names it is easier to casually say HI whenever you see her and chat about whatever you know about her and whatever she told you about her during your last meetings...one thing will roll into another and if she is receptive to you she will respond consistently like she knows you and is happy to see your smiling sincere face. When you feel comfortable, you can ask her if she would like to have coffee or lunch with you..by simple asking her " would you like to have coffee or lunch sometime"? The only risk is really not a risk at all....consider that you have to go through the NOs to get the YESes, so when you get a NO, be happy, because it means that you getting closer to a YES..
Trust me, she has a boyfriend. Every cute girl on the planet has a boyfriend. Sorry.
Comment from Lsiegfried
This exact experience occured to me once. I was attracted to a sales woman in a Nordstom once when she helped me. She was friendly, asked about my daughter, who was shopping with me. I kept thinking of her after that and she sent me a thank you note after my purchase. I went back into the store with 2 good seats/tickets to the MLB team for a game the up coming week. I told her they were a thank you for the recommendations and I loved what I ended up buying. I wanted to thank her for her help. The tickets were given to her with no strings attached. I told her to take her husband, boyfriend, or guest and enjoy the game on me. She thanked me and responded that she didn't have a husband or boyfriend, which gave me the opening to offer to accompany her to the game. It was a sincere offer by me to give her the tickets, not a ploy. (I had season tickets and do give tickets to friends occasionally) She could have responded in any way and I still would have felt good about the great customer service and recommendations she provided. It turned out she was interested and we did go out after that.
Comment from Column1
just be the gentleman by offering her the flowers and go for it. I know she will most likely be shocked but getting past that would be the clincher. If failure is in the works when in doubt ask for her number and take it from there. Now is the big task of eventually calling her back> If she says no well a person is not out too much.
Comment from Tom
I would advise him not to try gimmicks but instead try to relate to her in some small way. Inquire into how long she has worked there, how she likes her job, etc. Those cutesy gimmicks may lack substance in the eyes of the woman. It really depends on her. She may be more serious-minded and therefore appreciate generous interest more than superficial flirtation. Perhaps he should go back a second time and observe her again before concluding which strategy to use.
Comment from gard jackson
dear cannot sleep shearing the same expreace with you in uganda. I personaly used the try and try method to a lady who is realy in love with me now .she also had a sport light job but that did not get me moving only be what you are and look straieght in her eyes after shoping tell her of the sleepless nights you always spend never try to send some one I am sure she will uder stand.
Comment from george
make sure that she likes you.....than have sex with her...when you do,than she will always like you....
The "spotlight" stuff is correct. I'll bet nearly any amount of money she has a boyfriend. If she doesn't, there's probably something wrong with her, just given the way these things work out. She'll get hit on all the time, after all. She might just say "yes" out of boredom...but do you want someone who'll do that? Eventually she'll get bored with you. My vote is to avoid spotlight women entirely. (The "I'm so cute no one asks me out" is a lovely story women like to believe, and is often really "I'm so psycho no one asks me out." Of course, women could let men know when they wanted to be asked out, but then the Apocalypse would come or something...sigh.) If you screw up talking to women, then the rose in a bag is TOTALLY going to make you look like a stalker. I know very well how to talk to women, and this tactic would make me look like a stalker. Brenda is basically making you do something stupid so you'll learn from your mistakes--you can't talk to girls without practice, although people never want to hear this. Whatever...those of us who practiced don't care. Just telling you, dude.
Comment from robert
Take a sleeping pill.
Comment from mr. cool How can I know? She loves me or not..
Comment from runcie
-make sure you get physically active during day so body gets tired. -regulate sleeping time. -eat in good time. -take a cool/warm bath or shower. -relax in your bed. -read a boring book or anything. -dont think about sleep or for that matterlack of sleep.
Comment from just30
whao, what a line, I quess I will implore that. thanks
Comment from tonitonytone
see how the cashier is with other people. wonder through the store and observe her. if she is the same friendly way with every customer that might just be her personality. you can maybe buy a small item and take it to her cash. if her eyes light up in recogniztion start a conversation "how is your day going? when do you finish? etc." if she doesn't have any major plans ask if she would like to get coffee or something with you.
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