Comment from Serenata
I want to add to your article. That people need to work his Spiritual side, whatever is their religion or believes. Life is too short for depression. Depression is the beginning of illness for your phisical body. I would say to these people go out start volunteer, get a hobby, make a list of your goals, do the thing whatever it is, fear is just that doesn't have any power other one that you give it.
Comment from Aga
Dude, just remind urself that u r not loosin' anytin'! And u'll get more n more confident. And then - just know whatever u think about urself others will think da same! Be confident, try to b sure that every gal u approach will have fun n LOL. Good Luck!!!
Comment from ExoticLiasion
Here's the best advice anyone ever gave me about this topic, which can happen to anyone, especially if you're displaced from your normal habitat. Quit worrying about dating. Obsessing about it gives off an underlying feeling of desperation, and no one wants to be with someone desperate. Figure out what you want TO DO (join clubs, go to karaoke, sport events, or whatever) ... anything that YOU would like to do that you think is fun, and go DO IT. People who are interested in what you do will let you know it sounds fun...the cue to ask them ALL to come along with you (you're on trial until you prove "safe" for one on one stuff). Remember these simple rules: 1. Don't act desperate to date, act like you're just ready to go have fun, and the train is leaving the station NOW. Be confident but not overbearing. 2. Always be glad to see or meet anyone in a genuine manner...being open, honest, and approachable is even more important than being "funny". Plus, you get to practice your stupid one liners and conversation skills. 3. If anyone appears interested in something you're going to do, ask any and ALL of them if they want to come (There is safety in numbers, and you're on trial, remember?). If they have a significant other, ask if they want to come also. The right attitude is to welcome everyone to the party - it shows you're serious about a having a good time as opposed to being emotionally dependent on others for happiness. 4. Pay attention for clues on what someone likes and be subtle about delivering it. Don't cross the line from trying to attract to chasing by being heavy handed in your approach. 5. Good relationships just happen...they aren't forced. 6. Even if you do everything right, everything and everyone is subject to the Universal Rejection Truth, so don't take rejection personally. It may be right for you, but not them. Or the timing may be wrong. Be nice, stay friends, but move on...waiting is a waste of time and a sign of desperation. If you are gracious and act unaffected, you may remove some of the fears a person has about a relationship with you, and if fate and timing allows, get your shot later. In the meantime, you need to expand your world, have a good time, and learn to be happy again, so you are in the right emotional state to start a relationship when it happens.
Comment from Matchstick01
I think Brenda has a point there, spiral. It's true that women respond to confidence, and that's a hard thing to fake. I also understand the catch22 of being unconfident BECAUSE you can't get any girls, Which you might be suffering from as well. Here's my 2 cents, although it might seem more like 25 cents, or maybe even the evasive 77. Don't be scared. You said you've been in relationships before, so remember that it's unlikely that someone you don't know can hurt/ insult/ belittle more than that person/s in the past has at their worst. You're loosing more from the chances that you don't take than the chances you do. If a girl shoots you down politely, maybe she has a guy or one of the other thirty things it could be, but she thought enough of you to spare your feelings, and believe me, they don't have to do that. If she's a bi*** about it, than you know that person isn't worth your time, and can laugh at how much they blew up on a harmless person they didn't even know. The important thing you have to remember is you're a good person, and that another persons interest in you isn't a measure of your worth, but rather your compatibility. REMEMBER that bro. Cause if you don't you won't learn the lessons that will help you keep another relationship when you get one. Oh... two more things.... 1: You sound like a nice guy. Be careful of "Nice Guy" vs. "Bad Boy" remarks that might come your way from friends trying to help or busybodies with something to say (like yours truely, ironically LOL). Being a nice guy is fine, as long as that means your not a 'pathetic' guy. Keep your standards, their healthy and show you have some pride. Pride is the root of confidence. The reason the jerks get the girls is because although it's a screwed up confidence, not being afraid to be a jerk is still a form of confidence. A girl who knows a guy is not afraid to be jerk wonders what other unseemly things he's good at....... a-HEM. LOL That's doesn't mean be one of those guys, but realize you can do the same things and BETTER by not stooping to their level, but respecting their straight forwardness. 2: YOU WON'T DIE ALONE. Mathematically it's unlikely..... and although it doesn't seem like it now things will change. If there's anything in life you can depend on it's that. When you do start talking to women again (and you will,I have faith in you) don't forget this. Know what you want. It will be your most important asset. Know going in if you want, sex, love, to pass the time, whatever... and be honest with yourself. This will help boost you with the confidence thing, and help you from getting in too deep with a situation you don't want. This doesn't mean your relationship can be ONLY one of those things, but us guys get stupid when things stop being a A-B equation, and the last thing you need for many years to come is more confusion..... Well....let's see.....the total was.....huh......68 cents......never quite hit 77....well, till then buddy!
Comment from nilly 2005
My first advise is medicine and psychological interview with the person to make her or him more stable. Most depressions has existential reasons. Depressive people needs network and people that help them to get thier selv -esteem back or to build it up. they must have a meningsful life combining some social and cultural ...activities and love. Along with that therapeutisk interventions to find the root and source of depression and also som cognitive methods to help them to live in "now" and take responsiblility for thier feelings..... and learning strategies to avoid them to go down to depression by acting I stedet for thinking and repeating the same negative thoughts that causes negative feelings. I have to go now. good luck
Comment from bigdogou81
Well, letz start out by letin me tell my side. Dude, Trust me when I say I know.. After my divorce of 20 yrs I found out that I got married for all the wrong reasons,.Then I meet The one,and only. Westarted out with one of those relationships that Hugh Heffner, would have a problem written a book about. We couldnt get enuff of each other, .Either she was after me or I was after her. We couldnt stay away from each other.She could be on the other side of the room and I take one look at her and she d turn around and see me lookin at herand you knew what each was thinkin, and wantin. thats true love,by knowin each others thoughts. Then came her hysterectomy (twice), then she had two bouts with indometriosus. This is one thing that women get and there is no cure or pill. Now for four years we were fine. Then nature plays a cruel trick on her. Imagine walking around with a bucket and it only tells ya where to go. Thats right, no kissy no huggy and no sex. Talk about bein severly depressed. Oh yah, Ive seen enough doctors to last a lifetime. So the last time we spoke, she was getting into some of her old habits - cocaine. Imagine that. Imagine this... when I looked up Endometriosus I found a site that had these letters from over 3000 men who wanted to know what to do now only because there's no cure. And they told of love stories that had lasted for 20 30 40 yrs. Talk about reading into depression, Dont even go there. Anyway, after seeing a couple of doctors, and trying to come out of my depression mode, I found this beautiful girl who lived just below me. It started out nice and slow, then I asked her out. And of course she said yes. So we went out on my boat. And started having sex at least 4 times. Then one day when we were home, I saw her take a pill. I asked her what it was she said it was an aspirin. When I went into the bathroom, I looked ..It wasnt aspirin...It was an anti-depression pill. And the more I asked about what was wrong with her the further she got away. It seems that when girls are takin that kind of medication they dont want anybody to know cause they are embarassed or not very secure about anybody findin out. So anyway she started tellin me that we couldnt be lovers or friends anymore. And in my mind I was thinkin Here I am takin you places, dinners, dancing, food, gifts, the whole nine yards of bein a wussy. And thats where I found out that some women dont have any respect for men who are gentlemen and old fashioned. Talk about bein USED, damn. Anyway Im starting to get over her, I think. And I know damn good and well that I have got to pick myself up and keep on truckin. I just know there's got to be a woman out there for me.. PS: Dont stop trying because you never know what's around the next bend.
Comment from jufrjunagu
Love yourself, forgive your self and do the things that you love like hobbies with all your passion.
Comment from Marie
Enjoy all the people you can while you can and those people are going to enjoy you. Just a simple smile can go along way and get many smiling faces in return which can lead to just about anywhere and to anyone. Take it easy ... your young and free and I'm sure there are alot more people that would love to be that way or go back to that time.
Comment from sergeantsexy
I am a woman who has a similar problem but I am older (early 40s). The last date I had was seven months ago and he never wanted to take me out or talk to me again after that.
Comment from WhatsMissing
Your feelings are not only common for people in your situation, but in many other situations that you will later find yourself in. You are a ship without a rudder, without a circle of friends that you trust. You want to understand what you are feeling, and take power from the obsessing anxiety so you can control your life. Then you remember that a girl can make a man feel 10 feet tall and bulletproof, so a girl should be like taking an aspirin but for an ego-rush. I have some advice for you, but first I do not want to appear to be placating the imagined fears of a home-sick wuss. Feel what you feel. Take this feeling to the edge, until you get bored of it. Develop a callus on your heart so that when you feel this way again after college, it does not overwhelm you. Now, realize that everyone is misunderstanding what you are actually feeling. Your inablility to break the ice with girls that you find attractive is not necesarily shyness. Your rationalizations show it to be thought out and calculated. You are not exploring the cost/gain analysis and not valuing the rewards of the efforts. Let me expand on this. For women, confidence is the projected feeling of anti-anxiety. For men, confidence is an operational assurance that the outcome of an event is acceptable, meaning an internal trust in a prediction. Experience is necessary for assessing a situation and listing probable outcomes. Now take what you just learned and apply it to a social setting: You approach a girl knowing that you could sleep with her. She mis-interprets this as you knowing that you are beautiful, as bold to enter a separate and new trust-circle, and as having the "confident" optimism of anticipated thrill. Think about these things, but do not knock alone-time. Brenda is right that it can help you to develop your character outside of your social addictions, yet to also become centered and out-of-whack and durable.
The same thing she did "Get out there and just DO IT" reverse those necgative energys trying to pull one DOWN!!!! Stay busy, rather than bored....Definately keeps the thoughts at bay!! U can do it....I believe anyone can....U have to change your train of thought!!!! Go boys and girls
Comment from pamela41gibb
I happen to be one of those persons, but I am hanging on from doing these activities: 1. Sometimes depression is caused by lack of movement -- definitely buy exercise videos and dance and move your body. This will cause all the chemicals in your brain to be activated and it will change your blood chemistry to the right pH balance by shaking up your blood flood and the chemicals in each cell of your body. 2. Definitely professional help -- I've found that there are 2 types of anti-depressants -- one that makes you sleep all the time (like Paxil) and the other makes you energetic (Wellbutrin). I would recommend asking your doctor for Wellbutrin. I have also used a non-narcotic pain reliever called Ultram. It is the best anti-depressant I have ever tried, although they do not market it as such. But it must be used with caution because although it is not a narcotic, it is highly addictives and very difficult to withdraw from. If you want to go with more herbals alternatives, see an holistic medicine doctor. 3. Massage is definitely a big help. It will make you better more comfortable, more secure, but most of all, it too releases natural chemicals of well-being in your body. 4. Hypnosis -- It is absolutely a miracle cure -- as long as you get to the right practitioner. Hypnosis can help you get to the root of the problem and also give you confidence at the same time. Your subconscious mind is like a computer -- it really believes whatever you tell it when you reach it during hypnosis -- truly amazing results. 5. Affirmations -- They work like magic. I use my Power Point Program for a slide show of affirmations each day. When I play it quickly, the messages go straight to my subconscious mind and later I find myself acting on these positive suggestions without any having to think about it -- the mind really can be trained to think positively. 6. Nature -- Hiking and camping or going to the beach and being out with nature is a 100 percent affective way to lift your spirits. Hike a mountain, swim in the ocean, swim in the pool, take a walk in a park, roller skate in a park -- nature definitely has a miraculuous way of curing things. 7. A great spiritual life -- I joined a church with a great band, a awesome genius non-judgmental, healing preacher and the music, the messages from the preacher, the great people I have met, the prayer and the belief that God is by your side at every turn -- this church has made all the difference in the world in my life. 8. Get involved in a hobby that you remembered you loved and maybe havent been participating in for a long time. Join groups of people and clubs pertaining to that hobby. Even if you are exhausted from depression and feeling like you want to be alone, participation and focus on a hobby will destract your mind from the spiraling of body chemicals that keep you stuck in depression. A former psychologist, hypnotherapist of mine once said, when you start into panic or depression your mind can take those thoughts and body chemicals and keep building up speed like a hurricane builds up power to destroy. He said that anything you can do to distract your mind for even a few minutes, like playing a musical instrument, can take the power away from the depression by stopping the thought processes for a few moments. The longer and longer you can stop the thought processes, the more control you can get over your depression. 9. Laughter -- don't forget comedy clubs and funny movies -- the brain chemicals of good feelings go wild and it helps heal the depression. 10. "Ones best success comes after their greatest disappointments. " Henry Ward Beecher
Comment from starr44
See a doctor, a psychologist or a really wise, close friend - hopefully a psychiatrist may not be necessary afterall...
Escapism, denying what you feel are not solutions - facing, acknowledging depression and searching for its genuine cause(s) help find the adequate solutions. If you live by "nobody loves me" or/and/because "I am not lovable", you've just sent yourself to a sure trip to psychological hell. The good news is that, many times, all it takes is to revise our attitude, actions, expectations and circumstances.
Friends and family can help but you are the one to do the "job" - it is your life and it is only you who can live and run it - nobody and nothing else is entitled to. Maybe it is a good idea to go in the midst of nature or just find an other way to disconect from everything that excites your nerves - either in good or in bad...reach to the point where you feel you become a blank page on which you should try to re-write the story of your realities, happenings and priorities.
Once you start looking at yourself and your life differently, things will start moving in a different direction. I am sure new angles of seing and perceiving things, clearer thoughts and better self-questions will surface... this may help you find the real cause of what is happening to you, find solutions, prioritize and consequantly build up the stamina and strength to continue living your life the way you need and want to.
Fighting (not just struggling) is part of life and one of the reasons to stand up may be depression which we all face at certain moments in our life. I know we react differently, but we all have to remember that nothing is impossible and light is always awaiting for us when we really search for it. 
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