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Home > Dating Advice > Ask Brenda > Question/Answer > Readers Respond |
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 READERS RESPOND |
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Help me end my dating famine!
Be a jerk. Women love jerks. I have learned that the hard way, if you are nice, women will say "Oh he is a sweety, but there is no chemistry." BE COCKY AND TRY TO HAVE SENSE OF HUMOR. There is no such thing as logic in womens world.
Comment elcaptvan
Until Hank Aaron came along, Babe Ruth was the all time home run champ. Very few people know he is still the strike out king. Every time he went to bat, he was looking to hit a homer. What I'm saying is, that it's OK to miss, but keep on swinging that bat. Often you will connect. You'll never meet "her" sitting the dugout.
Comment pasha_b_a
your just trying too hard, just take it easy, dont be too desperate, your true love will come eventually, just one more thing do not let anyone try to make you into a person your not.
Comment Brandee
He should just be himself, and the right girl will come along. If it was me, I would love to be with a man that has never had a girlfriend before because I am a one-man woman myself. I know that a man like him would always treat me with respect and care.
Comment icatjaguar
HI Colin. I don't usually answer questions or advice online, but when I read that you would never accept a one night stand, and you really want a relationship, I felt compelled to write. I went through similar situations to yours when I was in my 20's. It seemed as if everyone was too involved with their career and lives to put aside the time for a relationship. Sometimes, this self-absorption did seem callous or rude. Of course, these same people panicked after the age of 30 when they didn't have a sincere relationship. My 'advice' to you is to cultivate YOUR interests. Nightclubs or other single spots are not the places to meet people. If you are interested in say, Art, go to Art Museums. If you like computers, join an online community, and see if they have meetings. It may just be geek speak at first, but you will widen your circle of friends and acquaintances. One friend of mine was interested in film and video, but didn't live in California. She started (by putting small ads in local 'about town' newspapers, with the intention of starting a club. 12 years later, she is happily married to another film buff and they enjoy the adventures of shooting amateur video at different locations. It has also turned into a part-time business for them. In brief, if you focus on a, if I may use the term, problem, it shuts everything else out of your life, and you miss opportunities. I really hoped this helped. You sound like a really nice person, and you deserve to meet someone just as nice. Good luck to you, and don't let life pass you by.
Askmen.com read the Love Doc. articles.....Most females will give you bad advice...trust me, it's true...and never listen to Oprah...
Comment Chris
This is what I have thought, many women are my friends, a network if you will, some say they love me, I do not want to hurt them, so we are friends, and I am not sleeping with them. Women are special creatures with gentle hearts. David DeAngelo's dating tips are for players, cocky and funny he calls it, it is just a way to score.
Comment tmb
Tell him (Colin) to save lots of money, then buy a lot of nice stuff to put in your house. The girls will come, then when you run out of money. Give the girl the house cuz she'll get it any way. then you will know what its like to be married.
Comment Mary
First of all, it is ridiculous for a dating site to advise someone NOT TO LOOK!!! Second, in spite of what TV and movies portray, most people don't date lots of people all the time. I know one pretty, smart, funny, sexy woman who is in her 30's and NEVER gets asked out! Lots of my friends and I are that way. A lot depends on where we live, spend our free time, etc. My advice would be: RELAX. Pay attention to your grooming and manners. Be around the kind of people you want to attract. And don't give up on personal ads!
I think waiting for right one is worth the wait beside those other girls that was mean to you is not what you want, beside there plenty of good girls out there that want a nice guy like you to be with .
Comment annapolislady34
Get a gal pal or a guy pal who is well groomed to check you out. You may need a make over...clothing, good manners and good grooming always get an A from the gals. Smile a lot...and be sure your teeth are clean and white. The latest toothpastes, used daily, will whiten your teeth in a few weeks without messy strips or expensive dental whitening. I am 63 and recently returned to dating. It has been an interesting journey....good guys are always appreciated! Good luck!
Comment mrspriss36
You are a sweet guy. A great guy. the problem is that you come across to needy and/or eagar. Chill out. Be happy with yourself and the way things are. Then and only till then you will find what you are looking way to hard for.
That sounds like some good advice to me. Some women are so wrapped up in frivolous stuff that would recognize their soul mate anyway.
Comment dezanzabar
The same thing! I know from experience. Don't look and there she will be.
Comment llenta
I would advise Colin to join an interest group--some kind of group like a hiking group, etc, something that he enjoys doing. There, he'll meet someone with common interests. Also, I highly recommend joining a few online dating services, as they have worked for me and I'm 55years old and I have no problems getting dates. Just e-mail as many people as you can--it's a numbers game, and eventually, he'll meet someone. Also, I would say to Colin that he not appear too anxious when meeting someone. Both men and women who appear desperate, will have a difficult time holding on to someone. Try to relax and don't think about whether or not this person is going to like you or not. Just observe them and see if they're right for YOU. If you concentrate on whether or not this person is right for you instead of worrying whether they'll accept you or reject you, then you'll appear and feel more relax, and thus, come off as more self-assured. Both men and women can pick upon whether or not a person is desperate or not, regardless of the conversation. It just comes through, and it's a turn-off.
Comment greek god
Go get laid several times !!! and understand that women want mystery and challenge expand your horizons span the globe take cooking classes wine tasting classes massage classes workout exercise do things you really like to do that both sexes can do and join those groups whether its dance class oh take numerous dance classes that will take care of it do all the above and you will be knee deep with goddess.
Comment westcountrygrl19
yea Colin Im in the same boat I just broke up with my bf cuz all he wanted was sex and I said no and he broke up with me. its happen to me all the time so I would say just wait till u find the right girl. u can date around and see what you can find. ok I hope this works out for you.
Comment loreliz
Hi Colin, Your problem probably its not easy.. but I can't say its too hard. for you to think off. But u need to trust in God for their spirit blessed you. Co'z I believe its person have one pair for they called us destiny. or "soul mate" I know that you deserve for that.. don't lost hope.. and God's will.. God made promise to us that you wont have face life alone.. for when you grow weak in your struggles, His strength will prevail & not your own.. Please do what you want and take it easy to find a real woman in your life...
Comment abosedegiwwa
I am 30+ old, a female. I have involved in several relationship that did break at end. Colin, a guy came proposed to me and I told him to give me sometime to pray about it, initially I didn't have any feeling for him. But when this guy stop coming to me I started have feeling for him. I have been trying to locate him, but all my effort put abortive as at now. Please what should I do.
Comment bigjo241
Dear Colin, I ve the belief that you need to give yourselves an absolute self appraisal to elicit how you see yourself and then match it with how your fellow male folks say of you to enable you come out of your shell before the opposite sex. This is because I see you as someone who want something but doesn't know how best to go about it. Take your time and be very kind to your opposite sex while accommodating them as casual friend before thinking of something serious due to the fact that creates room for familiarization. Just remain yourself while you allow some humor to flow while with both sex.
If I were a guy which I'm not, I'd not rush even if you find someone who's drop dead gorgeous, as us women like confidence in a guy and rushing would be seen as desperation, cracking a joke and showing a happy go lucky attitude is much sexier than shyness, we like surprises I'm not talking flowers here I mean say something that is unexpected such as saying something about the high heels like are you courting a skyscraper and if not would you like to see if we can reach the sky without your shoes on it's funny and shows a liking for the girl.
Comment Pete
To say that "she will come" is such a cop out! Wow, how original and insightful! Brendas answer is absolute BS. She should get a real job, because advise is not her strong point. Her answer is "safe" and totally useless. Contrary to what they say, most women dont want a nice guy. Of course you'll be handy to have as a great friend,. And good to have around for a shoulder to cry on when their real boyfriends abuse them. Most women are pretty shallow and choosey. Their attracted to looks and power/status. If your not Tom Cruse or Brad Pitt in shining armor. (Which usually means some good looking footy player moron who will abuse them in some way). Or have a lot of money and an awesome personality. Your going to find it tough meeting the girl you real want. Basically, waiting for miss right to come along wont happen. Its just stupid advise. Unless your a retard, a drooling fool or have been locked in a cave most of your life then learning social skill is a waste also. Unless of course Brenda was talking about lying and manipulation? Another quality women are great at. You will just have to accept that women have issues. Its all about hit and miss. Your social skill are fine. But just be yourself. And one day maybe you may find a compromise. Either that or go to Russia
Comment Virguoso
The thing about looking too hard may be very well with those fortunate enough to have a bunch of female friends, and with no trouble making contact with people. I was like you, through most of my 20s I did not look hard at all, just taking for granted love would come to me. Never even considering the possibility of being alone still at 30. Well, 30 came. Looking around realising all friends now had or were starting families. I started trying more, joined several online dating sites. Through them I at least got a few dates, not many, perhaps one a year. Not meeting anyone means zero chance of love, meeting one is much better. I've not yet found love, but I keep trying. You should too. Learning to live alone and love it, loving yourself, really helps a lot too.
Comment rajusona_6478
Now that summer is winding down, you may be asking yourself: "Why am I still single?" Take a deep breath and stop worrying. There's still plenty of time and even more singles in the same spot as you.
Comment silkrustling
Sure ! first you have to know what turns all girls off . Maybe, good friend of yours (female) need to tell you something good and bad about you . You may be a good Man ,but something is...not "delicious" about you...Try to find what is it and correct it.
Comment Shaun_Mcphee
hey man dont worry about it. I have friends who are still on the V list and I didn't get off the list till I was 21 you're only young, time is on your side. dont suck up to women especially the hot ones, it makes u look like a wuss. tease them but not in a mean way, be nice but not too nice and dont give all your power to her, if she dumps u dont worry about it, there's lots of fish in the sea. and dont always go for just the hot ones, sometimes the average ones make great girlfriends. Im not saying go for ugly ones. ask guys who are good with women what to do to make them excited. ask women you are not interested in what makes women aroused then use it on women you are interested in. good luck man
Comment PremK100
Hi! Colin, You are younger than my youngest daughter. When I was in my teens, I had almost similar experience. I will be very happy if I share those which may throw some light on your conflicting state of mind. In class IX, I ventured to date with a (very attractive) classmate of mine. I praised her as how beautiful she is (In fact even today she is so gorgeous) and I love to build a long term relation with her. She said very sorry she has already committed to somebody else. Many a cases similar to this. I was loved by most of the teachers as used to be in the top three in the class and quick in answering. During those days (1960s) there was no internet, limitations were there. So I sought advice from my Mathematics (very pretty, cute, intelligent and a divorcee) Teacher as how to get some positive response from a good prospect. She asked me to meet her on a Sunday at her House. I went as scheduled. Oh Boy! she taught me a lot of things (other than math) in life. I stopped proposing to girls and as Ms Brenda rightly said started getting attention from girls. One among them became my soul mate. With all best wishes for a wonderful dating.
Comment pj
I think Brenda, if this guy could have some women friends would not come to you. What hell are you talking about? Women around probably are his co-workers or his sisters or mother.
Comment alim
Colin I vindicate the Brenda's contention. Actually, to get a soul mate or being a soul mate to someone is not like common type of friendship. I think u had been very hasty to ask a girl to be your soul mate or girlfriend. slowly my dear slowly. be patient. be a friend first, take her to lunch and dinner, and give some time to her. am sure u will not need to ask her to be ur girlfriend. she herself will ask u to be her soul mate. cheers
Comment issah
Peace be unto u, My peace I live with you not as the world gives but as true friendship has thought me to give.let not ur heart be troubled nor be afraid for our new friendship shall bless ur going out and ur coming in,A thousand shall fall at ur left and ten thousand at ur right but nothing shall by any means hurt u. With your eyes shall u see and behold the reward of the wicked. From the rising of the sun to it's setting, u shall find favor in the site of both us. For the promises of the friendship are ye and amen and friendship wil never leave u nor forsake u .Stand firm in the promise of he that has called u into his banquetting hall cause his banner over u is love. The arrow that fly by day shall not come near thee,no evil shall come near thy dwelling place. you shall continue to flourish like, I am ur new friend from Ghana and I wish our friend ship will last ever and ever ameen, issah chief
hello Colin, the only thing dat ill advise to u is take ur tym and let the girl feel ur interest on her even though she'd not showing u some interest in a long run she'll gonna like u.
I think he NEEDS to have a few one night stands. Ones where neither of the participants expect/anticipate/need anything further from the "relationship". Learn to be comfortable with women and to explore your sexual self with a woman. Learn some techniques and gain some skills. Yes, be gentlemenly, but not too much. Be sweet, but not sappy. NO STUPID PICK UP LINES!! We've heard them all! And just a note: I NEVER respond well to cat calls, whistles, horn blowing, etc. It's trashy and no man with one eye and half a brain would do that to a woman and expect any type of positive response. Get some female friends and talk to them to figure out what women need or want. Don't be needy/clingy/overly desperate acting. No self-respecting, independent woman wants a man around who hangs on her every word, follows her around like a lost puppy and calls incessantly, begging to see her again. Not that he is doing that, but I've dated a guy who did and it was smothering and agitating! I don't know what he's doing to keep from getting dates, except trying too hard. It IS obvious when you try too hard. Make yourself slightly unavailable. If you ask a woman out and she says no, be cool about it. Who cares? She's missing out and you didn't really want to date her anyway. If she says yes, don't be overly excited in anticipation of the date. Be cool, but not cold. Act interested, not psycho. I just think that being overly anxious creeps women out. You're only 22. You've got plenty of time. Good luck!
Comment Jeff5056
Colin; you're still young yet. 22 yr. old male like you have a whole lifetime ahead of you... Me? I'm 45 yrs. old myself. soon to be 46 in December. I know these things are hard; but Like Brenda says U have to have female friends to hang around with.. & have fun with; Just start in your home town first w/female friends; Get on a site called Netfriendships.com as well. find some female friends in that site too. Pretty soon; you'll have enough female friends in there. Most of them will accept; & a few will not. But at least; You'll have enough to say welcome to my Circle Of Friends. It will work; Trust me; ok?
Comment victorscott
Brenda's right. The harder you look the more one looks desperate, and who wants someone desperate? the end result will be turning off the opposite sex and give the appearance that one is unstable. Confidence is the key. No matter how much one is lonely one must not give up their self confidence and self worth for being with someone, this will lead to undesirable relationships.
If you're in the Chicago area... I'll date you.... ... is 36 too old ??? lol...lol
Comment quiksilvergirl
Too many guys go for the Beauty Queen when the 'gal next door' is really more their speed and has the qualities they actually need. Try being a friend to women. Offer to help with the little annoying repairs that women are often stumped by. Join a volunteer organization with a high percentage of women, or a co-ed bowling league or book club...you get the gist...and you'll learn more about women, their likes and dislikes by casual association with no pressures. Also, have someone you trust give you advice on a possible 'make-over'. Do your clothes say 'relaxed, friendly, moderately hip' or do they say, 'no individuality, class or taste' ? Check the breath and body odor...get a good cologne but don't apply it til' ya' stink...less is more...Check the haircut, invest in gel and a new look? Good luck
Hi Colin we all been through similar times , my advise focus on how to relate to other first and then you will find your match.
Comment darth
Ok, I started to see this girl and the first night I never once made a move. I could tell she wanted me to kiss her, but I didn't want things to go to fast. Then after a little play fighting she leaned over and kissed me. Well everything in my head shut down and it was all systems go! So we started to kiss and continued for 3 hours. Then we sat down stairs and just talked for two more hours. Well after three weeks of that and her going back and forth of I don't think I'm ready for a relationship than thinking she wanted one or giving into feelings that she was having it just stopped. I don't know if she just freaked out or if she lost the feelings she once had. Now here I sit confused as what to do. I don't want her out of my life, but I don't know if I can just be friends with her. I think I will always in the back of my mind be hoping that we will get together. When we spend time together I have never felt the feelings that I was/am still having. But I know she has been burned in the past and knowing how that feels and how hard that is to get over. I really understand where she is coming from. But I also know what I want but I'm starting to think that will never happen. Friends have told me to let it go and if she doesn't contact me than it's over. But she will always call or in some way get in contact with me. Then she will be the one to say we should hang out. She doesn't seem to like talking about this or her feelings. So any advice you could give me would be very much appreciated.
Comment mukadam
This is my way of showing you how much I truly care for you. I can't really find the words to explain the way I feel when I hear your voice or when I see your face... all I can say is that I like the feeling that I feel.
Comment Obee
Brenda is somewhat correct with the looking too hard comment. For whatever reason, call it a pheromone of sorts, women can pick up desperation. So the key is not to be desperate. When u go out make sure it's with some friends, preferably ones that are lively and adapt to their surroundings. Whatever u do don't go out alone right now, only do that if your in environment where everyone is familia, so your not standing around looking lost and...ALONE. Dont be afraid to make conversation even if it's short a hello, or what's up. Just standing at the bar waiting for a drink... Ask the woman next to u what she's drinking, you'd be surprised what simplicity will do. Never be anxious about asking a woman on a date or for her number, just conversate. It's good for u to try and get to know a woman first. That will tell u if its even worth your time to date her for short or long term. And like Brenda says, get that good circle of female friends that u can feel comfortable around. Be casual... " Wanna get some coffee", " Going to happy hour with some friends wanna come"... Oh yeah one last thing. Be a nice guy, but dont be a push over. Be funny and a little sure of yourself almost cocky, but not a jerk. Laughter is medicine for the soul, so being funny is always good. Try those tips and I promise u that you'll have what your wanting sooner than later.
Comment EVE50
(First) and more than anything you have to have female friend's. And if you have female friend's ask one to go out with you on a real date, knowing there will be no string's whatsoever. If you have 1,2,3 that will boost you're confidence, that you never had to begin with. Of course let you're friend's know what you are doing wrong. Always let you're date know do not take you're kindness for weakness. Always be a gentleman, but at the same time let them know with you're voice you have no problem handling any situation, from walking into wherever you go from the time you leave. Always let her know how ravishing she look's no matter what.!!!! P.S. Practice this at home several time's and stand firm and true, never lie, always be honest and loyal do these (4) four thing's I promise you will have more fun than you ever thought was possible!! Good luck
Comment ThatGuyThere100
I can very well identify with Colin since I am his age and have been having the same trouble for about the same amount of time. The advice given is irritating at best. It's like walking around blind in a room with holes in the floor. Nothing happens by magic, so simply waiting for your 'soul mate' seems a bit contrived. What skill are there to build really? If they are known why not simply be more specific instead of being so vague by saying 'You can practice being a gentleman and build your skills with your female friends' So this means you have to go and make friends with women that you would likely have no real interest in being around otherwise odds are you'd want to have a relationship, otherwise it'll be the same scenario that most men dread, having a female friend you want to be with but she doesn't reciprocate so keeps you as a friend instead. Or what about already being a gentleman, which ironically does not work either until many women hit 30, realize they are no longer quite so young, and get desperate for a guy to appreciate them. I'm not chauvinistic, don't get me wrong, but the advice given is purely insufficient for a guy with this sort of problem.
Comment kenrik
You say "Nice guy" and that is your issue... you want it to bad.. you try to hard try to be perfect. you see all of these jerks with women and you are like? what the? why is she with him and not me... The fact is women WANT a bad boy.. not to bad but with just a little bit of an edge. Find your edge and stop with the creepy nice guy thing... when you go out don't hang on the women.. smile to much etc.. act a little aloof and like you really don't care that your with her (but not to much) throw in some jokes and you will be set! There are TONS of books on dating and most will tell you what I just did.
Comment Greg
I have to agree with Brenda, I'm a 43 year old male, I have the same problems in my Past, I had a really great relationship, three years ago, when she broke it off I was Devastated, her and I were together, for about a year and a half, she stopped coming down from Idaho, to see Me, I don't have a car, so she would come down to see me, every other week, she stopped visiting, and told me, we had to keep our relationship, Low profile, so I ended up becoming more and More Insecure, and I started to Panic, that's when she broke it off. since that time I have tried My damndest to find someone, I got nowhere, I was checking woman out, in a Lustful sense, whether you realize it or not, some of us look for Woman, in a lustful sense, when we search and search, Our Lustful sense becomes, an obsessive Behavior, we doubt ourselves, and when that happens, our Victory becomes, a defeat. so My advice to you is this, don't search too Hard, let your true Love or soul Mate find you, it Happens, believe it or not, because I decided, not to search too hard, and My soul mate, decided to step foreword, and take the Initiative, to get together with Me, we spent One night together, of a candlelight dinner, wine, and great Conversation, then Later the Intimacy, she got Pregnant, became Bipolar, and decided not to be together with me, but that is another story, so don't try so hard she will come.
Comment chefdanny
Exactly what Brenda advised him to do. I am 21 and I sort of had the same problem. But through observations and experience, I've learned everything that Brenda mentioned. Colin, if you force yourself to find someone, you will most probably force yourself to find someone that you won't truly love in the long run. Just live life, day by day, meeting people (both male and female). And one day, you will meet someone of the opposite sex; and things will lead to true friends, to discovering each other, then to true love (not having to think nor expect anything). The foundation of a long-term relationship is friendship. God Bless You. P.S. God loves everyone and has plans for everyone.
Comment jonah
Dear Colin, My advice or just my short opinion, that you have to be comfortable of yourself. Do what you want to do, you make some friends, relating girls ideas and personality. You have to be poise, build your own sense of humor, you have to think free or positive ,be responsible.. Don't lost faith of being lacking of special someone. You have to do task that can impress others, and pray whatever things or personality that you dont have. Just made a lot of good friends, one and to others treat you well, or bring you to success, courage you and not in failure. Just be yourself...
Comment Steve
Colin, You need to go to places where girls are. Go dancing. Go to church. Write to girls on this internet site. When you do go out in public make sure you are neat and clean. Is your hair cut? Is it combed? Did you shave and shower? Wear nice pressed clothes. Tuck your shirt in, and dress for success. Dress like you are the man! --the man girls are looking for. You sound like a guy that should stay out of bars. So, go to nice places, even the mall. What activities do you like? If you don't have many activities, then get up and go find some! Take dance lessons; they are always looking for more guys. Get involved in a choir; they always need men. Don't sit in front of video games, or watching TV. Let me know how it goes, okay? Good luck man
Comment FireEagle
First you need to get out of the mindset that women are looking for nice guys. This would help allot. The second thing to realize is that women will be testing you when your are trying to connect with them. Subconsciously they are testing you to see if you are good mate material. So what is called for is some teasing and giving the women a hard time. Haven't you notice that the guys that are not nice get the girls. So the more you playfully put them down the better. So once you get to the point that you are battering back and forth, it becomes much easer to get connected in a date.
Comment jessicaann09
I feel the same way, I have had boyfriends but they never stick, it is quite annoying, but its true when you are not looking they come to you and when you are looking they dont, its weird but true,, just have fun for now... :) I should probably take my own advice. lol
Comment Hornburgp
Colin. It is very hard for me to believe that a 21 year old male would not have a one night stand. Try to be yourself and don't tell girls how nice you are etc. My one night stand has lasted 25 years.
Comment mrbues
Colin, Quite frankly my friend, I guess you need to work on your self-image / confidence. Go out and get to know a few guys who are naturals with women. You'll clearly see that they seem to look at the entire situation differently.. Women can sense if you're tense or calm around them, and they subconsciously want someone who is in control of the situation his emotions etc.. Body language also is incredibly important when it comes to communicating with women. It's important not to be overly self-conscious and to lead. I takes great deal of trial and error to see what works.. don't take rejection personally You just need to develop some new skills and believes that all. Good Luck, though luck doesn't have much to do with it.
Comment KAEEIE
DEAR COLIN~ Brenda is right I have searched all my life for my soul-mate & male best friend, all I end up with is just more heart ache when I search to hard! I have given up on looking & I just wait for prince charming to come my way!! Be patient & let things happen as they may........Are you still single? Please feel free to get in touch with me if you like!!
Comment michael
when you want to ask a girl out you should keep cool and just be yourself when you ask them out try to compromise ask her to give you a chance to see for herself who you are and how much of a nice guy you are.
Comment sexykiss2005 HI Colin, l think Brenda has said it all. I think you should learn how to relate to the opposite sex, know their dislikes and likes and then start the hunting. you will surely meet very rude ones on your way, but dont give up, no no no dont ever give up unless you wanna be a priest or a father-lol. keep searching, whenever you're turned down, use what caused it as a tool to overcome the next lady. dont repeat whatever caused the fall of your first friendship. I'm also 21 and can give you some few tricks and magic about ladies or let say answer some questions about women if you like. but for beginners can take me as a friend if you're up for it and talk to me whenever you feeling down, ok? and all that l said, if lm accepted to do that, fine. but if Brenda will tell me whether its right or wrong l will appreciate it, because l dont wanna do somebody's special job. l just opted to be Colin's first friend since it touched me when I read his story. If its ok, you can email me.
Comment Janey007
If I were you , I would like to focus on myself first. Do you have any female friends? Ask them their opinions , especially when they standing at the role of a girl. I think they know you better than a stranger like me or other people on the internet ! I believe fate, so then I think you should wait for a right one. If I were you , I would prefer a right one , but not an average one that just for you want to have a girl.
Comment Roberto
repeated more bluntly: she just told you that you are ignorant and you need to learn SKILLS. lol something all those other women/girls never told you to your face. maybe they were mean and maybe you didn't have the SKILLS to interpret the meaning behind their meanness.
Comment WhatsMissing
Hey, Colin. You are too young to have a long term relationship. Your callous remark about a girlfriend, "I have wanted one since I was 16" suggests a curious perspective about girls. The word, "girlfriend", may be misleading. Think about it. Have you heard the phrase, "If you want to be popular, be the person that everyone wants to be around"? You have refused to ask any girls out for the past two years because you were upset about how mean some girls were when you asked them out. As if you could teach all girls a lesson by your absence. Have you thought that maybe you gave no "reasons" (or "happy vibes") as to what you could add to the lives of those girls? Perhaps you gave them no alternative other than to say no to you. No one will see value in you until you can appear valuable to them. You may never have female friends. You may need others to introduce you to girls. You may have a few favorite hobbies and run into a girl with the same interests. Just remember to not be afraid to say hello, and learn to stand out from the herd.
Comment dibba13
Dear Colin, Don't get impatient. Have self belief and try to develop a good sense of humor. You'll never know when u fall in love. It just happens. Useless going after it.
Comment stcorleon
Colin I would say, maybe u re looking at the wrong place that's why u have not seen the right person I will advice that u just create a net work of female friends and watch closely at all of them, look at the one u have interest for and watch her interest for u, or u try and make a scale of the one with more interest on you, from there u re starting to make a good way out. An please ur network should be of girlfriends and not lovers I mean not fiancées please because that may lead you into trouble. PEACE.
Comment percky47
Are you taking care of your appearances? How about the right fashion? women notice those things right away. Even having the right vehicle can make a difference. I remember when I had my first date with a woman and at the last moments I realized that my car wasn't going to be dropped of by the shop in time for picking up my date. I explained the problem to her and asked her to drive. The date didn't go well, there's not a second date and I was convinced that car trouble had something to do with it. One more thing : Are you possibly looking for someone out of your league. Think about it. Good luck
Comment oroaddog
Pick up a hobby, always girls at most places whether it be at a karate studio, art class, or the driving range. Get into a hobby, and get the network going. Once you are seen as a regular, just be yourself, people can usually tell when your trying to be charming, when in actuality, you are having a really bad day. Best to show all sides of the personality, so there are no surprises when a certain circumstance arises. First time reactions are surprises, but expected, its only when they deviate from the public eye to more private settings are when the genius is questioned.
You should have confidence when asking a girl out and when being around her. Make her laugh and maybe get to know her a little before asking her out.
Hang in there. You are not alone.
It's true! The harder you look for a relationship, the chance of finding one is a lot harder.
Comment nutstoo
Plastic surgery!
Comment MORESH
Colin be for real with yourself you maybe deceiving yourself that you have all it takes to have a girlfriend but its not the case. Some girls actually love guys who are clumsy sometimes but not always so when your with a chic that you dig so much just be your yourself and not what your not. Success.
Comment bbhjattcharyya2000
what you need to know about yourself is how much emotional maturity you have. a relationship needs loads of commitment, compromise, acceptance and giving. look at yourself and find out if at all you are ready for it or not? dont bother how many rejections you have faced in your past but concentrate on your self , be practical and be mature. as of now just enjoy the company of your friends, your work and be open to people , be friendly and interact with them with a welcome smile, develop hobbies such as traveling who knows maybe the person you are looking is waiting for you also. be confident and strong .you said you want long term relationship but short one would be okay that's fine but remember you have to be independent enough and learn to face ups and downs with your partner are you prepared for all these. if so dont worry just be warm that's it.
Comment slmaesrro
hello Colin, I feel your pain. I had the same problem at one time. Brenda is right, follow her advise. When I went through my dating problems, I didn't have anyone to talk to about it so I just played it by ear. Eventually, it all worked out for the best. I'm with a great woman now who is cool to me and she knows what I'm thinking even without words, of course we have been together for about two years now so we had some time to get to know each other, but you have to take your own time and don't push it. It will happen if you circulate and just treat people as friends first.
Comment lilbaby_1991
Dear Colin, Like Brenda said just start being friends with girls and maybe that will turn into something. I did and our friendship lasted for 13 yrs and he finally asked me to be his gf. I was relived because I was ready to take the next step. Like u r. Just take our advice. Make friends and if the friendship doesn't work out then the dating relationship will not work out. Think about it and try it.
Comment jhen
brendas advice I think is sensible. the right person for someone comes when u least expect it. so be patient in waiting, shell come at the right time.
Comment masterjim
Nice guys finish last! Just ask any Asian guy. Or Poindexter. Looking for a girlfriend is like looking for a needle in a haystack. With my previous girlfriends, I was just looking for sex. They became my girlfriend after sex and spending time with me. Women bond with you after sex. But you need sexual chemistry to get them in the sack. Do not appear desperate! Be confident and mysterious. Be aloof. Women want what they can't have! Be a bit of a jerk. Women like a challenge. That is why they go for bad boys- they want to change him! So appear unavailable. Make them think you are seeing other women (even if your not). You will be in demand. (basic psychology) And never compliment them! That gives them the power. Instead, find a flaw in her and point it out. They want guys that are honest (gay guys are, and women like them). I attended a dating seminar where the instructor (who looks like Kenny Rogers) dated Cindy Crawford using this technique!
Comment BoonDoggle
It is difficult to achieve without prior success, but confidence (short of arrogance) is very important. Gentle touches and caresses (without nervous tremors and sweat) about the waist, lower back, hands, and arms let her know that you are not afraid of her. Keep them friendly at first, but be ready to progress quickly if her eyes and posture indicate that they are welcome. Excessive speed will cause her to recede, but a sincere apology will win you much ground. Women want to feel attractive, but they do not want to feel that they have no control. When response is positive, move closer (dance) and carress more intimate areas (face, neck, ass, breasts); always be willing to back off and apologize if you move too quickly. Appreciative glances (3 seconds, 1-2 per day) at her body is ok, but always return to her eyes. Each advance is analogous to a date. If three advances are rejected without winning you any ground (smile, moving closer, returned touch,... not necessarily sex), you should probably move on or use her as a practice friend. Sane people can act silly and make jokes to entertain, but watch for signs that you have gone too far (she looks away, moves away, slaps you,...); remember how much a sincere apology can be worth. Women over 18 want relationships to lead to good sex. No sex after three dates with an unreligious woman might indicate that she is keeping her options open; continue with caution.
Comment raj146
HI Colin, The above advice is perfect, from my side is you are too young, just try to have girlfriends, without any seriousness with a girl who gives you a date, try to find a real girl WHICH IS YOUR DREAM GIRL, not ......... girl, you are in young age, so no serious relationship, avoid this, first you become something in YOUR life, once you are SOMETHING in your life YOU will have lot of girls in your life.
Comment Uniquelady03
HI Colin, Before you are ready to enter into a relationship, you should look at yourself. What do I have to offer in a relationship to someone 2) what do I like about myself that someone else would 3) look for someone who is interested in things you like, that will draw you together for at least some type of conversation 4) the ulitmate key is get out of the house and meet people whether it is out social events, the park, the store ...the key is get out. I recently became single after a 4 year relationship, so I am getting back out into the single world and it is tough, but the key is be safe but take a chance..you'll never know unless you try. You will have your ups and downs in meeting people, but build on what did work for you when you did meet someone. Good Luck
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