I'm in phone limbo - Should I wait for her call?

Comment from Mikexx
Why lie about the car? Dishonesty on the first date? No - be honest and take your own car, or if you have to borrow a friends. If she's going to worried about your car now you're probably going to have bigger problems later on!

Call her. In regards to the car, if she is that hung up on what you drive, drive on...

Comment from juzlooking
Don't lie about the car, one lie leads to another. If you want it to work, don't lie about anything.

Comment from walkaboutmike
If they don't phone when they say they will, you're just pushing s boulder up a hill; that's my experience, whilst waiting a few weeks just might endear her to call you. If you call her sooner then she will just think you're pushy. A call after about 3 weeks just to ask if she is still interested might just be in order. My experience is that if they are interested they will move mountains. If they are not really interested, then why bother, you'll always be a second choice with this one.

Comment from xjayx
Firstly, I want to also congratulate you. The hard part is over - from now on the only way is up. With regards to the call there may be a good reason your call was not returned. Mostly women like to feel wanted and desired so in my opinion she is waiting for you to make the next move. However persistence can seem creepy, so call once and be sure to imply you will wait for her to contact you again. The car, hmmm, a difficult one this. Women are not easy creatures to work out, some like to be whisked off their feet, others like the true you. Personally I am more impressed by "what you see is what you get" I would mention in your next phone call that your car is no showroom classic, but it is reliable and hope she will not feel offended by it. However if her reaction seems unimpressed tell her you aim to please, and will hire a car for the first date to make her feel more comfortable. Mostly be you don't be false, after all it was you she was attracted to in the first place. The best of luck and hope you have the first of many wonderful dates together.

Comment from strike2
Dear Gerald .. Brenda is right. Divorced f/m 3 years now and haven't really dated. The few men I did like...well lets just say when a girl shows interest.... the ball is in your court... make the call. If she likes you, it's not for your car. Life is short and you'll never know what could have been if you give up on her now.

Comment from sportyboy10
Your advice sounds reminiscent of what I had to go through to get a date with my last girlfriend but persistence did pay off and we dated for about 5 months. I would call her up and all I kept getting was her voicemail, so I would leave a cheerful message and for a long time I never got a reply back. It was a real balancing act of trying not to call too often and seeming anxious or desperate and just plain giving up on her. I met her in May but we didn't hook up until July. Some sporadic emails back and forth in between but that was it. No phone calls back. That was one tough date to get but a great relation I did get even if it only lasted 5 months. We're still friends now.

Comment from KMAN688
The best thing I think he could do is always tell the truth even if it hurts, Because lets say he did tell her his car was in the shop well, its got to come out of the shop some time and isn't it going to be the same junk as before ,there for, he has come on some hard times and just went the wrong way, and now that he's got it back together why set yourself back with a LIE. Just tell her the truth , its always the best way . If she ,or anybody for that fact don't wont to go out with you because of the car you drive than you don't need them in your life anyway so to sum it up ALWAYS TELL THE TRUTH.

Comment from Wonderwoman
I think he should call her - a phone call is very important to me - it can mean the world to the right one. Just knowing that someone cares enough to pick up the phone can make my day and put a smile on my face.

Comment from thdon
The car shouldn't matter if it does he's doomed tell her the truth first than see if she is really right for him.

Comment fromjeryd2003
In the real world people don't lend their cars out or anything else - its about sadly "show me the money" besides I think its illegal because of the insurance thing.

This poor sap is being blown off!!!! It's so obvious it is ridiculous. You are setting him up to be lead on endlessly by a woman too scared or sadistic to tell him she isn't interested. He'll wind up back in the bar in no time after an experience like that.

Comment from C.Downing
Dear Gerard, I would call her one more time and tell her how i feel then if she gave me an excuses then I would find someone else. If she dose go out on a date with you it isn't the kind of car you have it is the simple fact that you have a car.

Comment from Jim
I don't feel you answered Gerard's question, completely.
He asked should he call her again, since he already did it once before. I feel you answered it as if he had not made that first call to her yet. Did you mean yeah call her again? And if so, right away?

Comment from LIGHTNINGBOLT
Just be yourself and tell her you drive a old junk car but it is dependable and paid for if that is true. Being honest is the way to live your life and if she wants a man with a new car and big payments then she is better off with that type of person. Being who you really are is the right thing to do right from the get go! If she is into new nice cars and that is not who you are then keep looking for one who is interested in you and not what you have.

Comment from spiritedone703
I agree with Brenda about the phone call as long it is only one more try. I am not so sure about the car advice, if you rent or borrow a car she might wonder what else you are trying to hide.

I would take my own car, if she likes him it doesn't matter what he drives...

Comment from carebear
HAY Gerard, good one, yea buddy it takes a lot of effort to do what you're doing. About the girl, be real man give her a call see if there's going to be a date first. Have a heart to heart chat with her who knows maybe her car sucks too. As long as your car is clean what the hay, maybe her car is good I'm sure she won't mind using hers. Tell her you'll put a ten spot in the tank. Because you're embarrassed about the piece of junk you're driving right now. If she really wants to get to know you I don't think the car will matter. Just be yourself you must think your worth it or you would still be a drunk. Good luck to yea keep up the good work.

Comment from Kristy_
I would suggest that Gerard trust to be "real" and go with the car he's got. It sounds to me like he's working on being real in this real world. Why put a fake stone on the path. If it, he, she, is supposed to be in your life, they will. If not, it's okay to trust that. By hiding your "crappy" car, you are attempting to conceal a part of yourself. Be all that you are. If she doesn't like that part, she probably won't like other parts of you; unless you plan to tape your mouth and dress up like a mummy, it's hard to say the coast is clear. The point- be who you are, go with what you've got, be in the present and in truth with where you are with yourself and with where you are in this world. Also, I personally take notice and appreciate, not so much what someone has, but how one takes care of what they have. It reflects upon how one cares for him/herself and therefore, how they might care for others, the same.

Comment from rodster
Call.. About the car… If you can borrow a car, great. If money to rent a car is a problem, take public transportation. Plan a date something she would like to do, somewhere that is on her turf. You could plan to meet her at a place that is comfortable for her - maybe just a meeting to chat at a coffee shop in her neighborhood. Sometimes planning a short date for first time meeting doesn't place either of you in a stressing or anxious obligation. Get to know each other. No Movies. Remember there is another day to plan something more to each others liking and a longer time commitment. Movie or art show. Go Slow. Be without expectation, so there is no pressure or disappointment. Be real and true to yourself.

Comment from legs48
I agree with everything you said to "Gerard" except for the car part. If the girl really likes him, it shouldn't matter what car he drives. Borrowing someone else's car may be a sweet gesture, but it can also be taken as Gerard misrepresenting himself to get what (or who) he wants. It could also be misinterpreted as him seeing her as a shallow, materialistic person incapable of seeing past his financial status. If she really won't like him because of his car, she'll find out sooner or later, and why would he want to date someone who won't like him for who is instead of what he owns? And finally, starting a new relationship with a lie doesn't sound like good advice to me, regardless of how small the lie is. Every article I read claims that people are attracted to those with high self confidence. Pretending you own a better car than you really do doesn't exactly smack of self confidence either. I think it would be more honest to just tell her the truth or take public transportation. I think she would respect him more that way. If it really embarrasses him, he could tell her that he is saving up for a better car, but for the time being, this is reliable transportation.

I'd say give her another call and see how the conversation goes. If she offers an explanation and an apology for not returning your call then ask her out. If she doesn't and you don't pick up on any positive vibes don't ask her out and tell her company has just arrived and you have to hang up. Don't waste your time on someone who is obviously inconsiderate of others.

Comment from CMcclave
I'm sorry, I do not recommend borrowing a friend's car and telling her yours is in the shop, Gerard. That would be starting a potentially lasting relationship to a bad start by being dishonest with her. She should not be impressed of "what you have", it's all about what you can offer. Chris

Comment frommaxmay64
I would call her; if she wasn't interested she never would have made a move. About the car, take your own! if she likes you for you the car wont matter! be upfront and honest with her she will appreciate it more later, and if she is an all material girl you don't need her anyway. The right one will come along and whether you take her out in your OWN car or a limo wont matter. That's one of the ways to se the real HER!!!!!!!!!!

Comment from julieaane
All I can say to Gerald is to be yourself...

Comment from Devon
I'm not sure I would play it that way of course there's always more than one way to skin a cat. I may call one more time but that would be it. It's been my experience that if you call alot then the perception is that you are pushy or too needed. I think it's a tough call because people are so different in what there expectations are of others when first meeting. My advice to you (Gerard) is go with your gut feeling. Call her the next time with no expectations just talk and get to know her get a feel for who she is the key is be a good listener!

Comment from Jackie
Does he let his Date know this is NOT his car? Or does he start lying from the very beginning?

No don't call her again! She will give you another put off. "I have family over..." how long did they stay 2 days!? Maybe she had beer goggles on at the party, or maybe she just changed her mind about her interest in you. Who knows? But if she said she'd call and even if she forgot, well then she's just not that into you.

I've noticed once again that Brenda is advising people to LIE! That's never good, even a so-called "little white lie." It will almost always backfire. Deeper than that, it's wrong, and it shows a lack of character, something NO girl should want in a guy she dates. He should borrow the friend's car for the date, but tell his date that his car isn't presentable enough for a classy girl to ride in (THAT will impress her), but that hopefully he will be getting a new car soon, IF that is true.

If she was interested, she would have called him back, bottom line. No? That's how I am. if I am interested and he calls me and I blow him off, but say I will get back to him ... I get back to him!

Comment from nyae16
Yes Gerard its good you decided to turn your life around. Now this girl you met has shown some interest as Brenda tells you. Don't wait for her to call. Call her and ask her what's up with the rendezvous? Then take it slow and tease her and have fun with her at the date. Remember women get attracted to confident men so be yourself and don't be too much in a hurry to make her your girlfriend. Just act like her boyfriend when you are around her without pushing too hard or forcing anything. Get a car if you have to and let her know where your car is. As Brenda says tell her its at the shop for example. Just make sure you are comfortable and confident on your first date. Good luck!

Comment from seriuslady
I agree with Brenda's comments, and I'm very glad about he is cleaning up himself, and I wish him a good luck, and never give up trying...

Comment from rjbankole
Gerard, Try as much as possible to be yourself. There is no harm in borrowing a friend's car but do not give the impression that it is yours. Try and be yourself, because when she gets to find out the truth about you, things might not be what you want.

Comment from nolunkhead
If you use a rental or someone else's car, you should tell her the truth that you were embarrassed to pick her up in a clunker. She'll likely be more impressed that you cared and told her what lengths you went to get things off to a positive start... good luck

Comment from oh2meister
OK, yes call her. Two days is fine, 2 weeks is too long...don't sound needy and don't sound totally uninterested. Skip the romance part on the first date; just pick something "light" and not too expensive, not too private, and not too long. Things will take off if there is attraction there. The romance comes on the second date forward. Now the car--if she digs you--the car doesn't matter. Yes, wash it and vacuum it--or shampoo it if it's gross--but a rental or a borrowed--not real, not you. If she needs to be impressed by a car you don't have--you don't need her! Your attitude, humor, confidence and fun-to-be-with demeanor will make the difference...not the car or venue.

Call her.

Comment from Leanne
Hi Gerard, as for the car situation, don't try to fool her, take and drive what you have, tell her up front, that sorry I do drive a junk car, but eventually plan on getting a better one. There is nothing worse then starting out with a "lie"...she is looking to get to know you, NOT your car!! May people drive "junkers." She may be one of them, as long as it runs and is clean inside...that make a difference. Hope this helps. A car does NOT a person make!!

Comment from iamjoe
Very true if she is going to judge you on your car, well there is your answer. Good luck with this one. My opinion is to be yourself, change for no one. it will all work out.

 Back to the question

 Back to Advice archive