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Home > Dating Advice > Ask Brian > Question/Answer > Readers Respond |
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 READERS RESPOND |
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Great Guns Firing Blanks
Comment from OutlawMule
Dump the guy, move on, jerk got into you pants and now is chasing someone else. Face it, you are too easy, sometimes it is better to love and forget and move on then try to stick it out and fail later...
Comment from J.E. Brown, relationship activist
Dear TMSinMS, I'll go farther than Brian will -- Whether the other woman really exists or not, this man is no defender of your feelings. Flighty people are not relationship material. They will only bring drama to your life. Psychologists believe that we don't go complain to our friends unless the relationship is in an advanced state of breakdown (see Steve W. Duck on the "social phase" of relationship breakup). Contrary to what a certain TV doctor might say, turning to your friends at this stage is normal. So do not try to downplay your reaction, nor rationalize it away. His actions are a serious breach of your trust. Whether you forgive him or not, he needs to know that this is the last time.
Comment from lionwren
Kick the scum bum to the curb and get on with your life. He's probably just stupid, or just inbred or both! Just keep the hammer down and keep on truckin' darling. Its probably best that you do. Heart ache and let downs are just part of life. It’s all something we have to deal with in this great thing we call... Life! But to do it like he did, that’s inexcusable. He's got "no balls" and probably isn't even a real man!
Comment from Legs48
I disagree with this assessment. I think he's putting her on the shelf while he continues to date others. Whether it's a lot of others or a former girlfriend or just someone new, is not the issue here. The issue is that he isn't putting her first on his calendar and he isn't willing to date her exclusively. Lots of guys use the "I'm in the middle of an identity crisis" excuse to put some distance in the relationship without ending it completely. It basically gives them permission to do as they please because they've been "upfront and honest" about all of their conflicted feelings. If she hangs around waiting for him, she'll end up on the shelf and even when he does return, assuming he will, he will have lost respect for her and she'll find herself in situations that compromise her self esteem more and more often. She should make it clear that she's worth more than this even if he is unable to appreciate that fact. If she really cares for him, she should tell him that she plans to continue dating other people, if he should change his mind and want more than a vague on again off again thing with her, she'll see him again, assuming she hasn't met anyone special by then. If not, kiss him good bye and cut him loose. Time is too precious to waste on someone who will always treat you as if he had to "settle" for you because his other options didn't pan out. And by all means, keep the DVD player !!!!!
Comment from brodude
I have always been a ladies man, the guy who goes out and talks to everyone, never fighting always in a good mood. I have been with quite a bit of girls but I have always had a gay side to me. I always hid it and hid it well. but lately I feel like it is getting harder and harder to hide the real me. I don't know what to do because I'm scared if people know I will lose everyone's respect and not know what to do. and I'm definitely not ready to come out.
Comment from Yoopergal88
I would advise that she tell him to, in polite terms, to go bug off. There is a basic trust issue here. If he can't be truthful with himself about the way he feels, how could he EVER be truthful in a relationship? My advice: Get rid of the loser!
Comment from ribia01
plain and simple just forget about him and true enjoy the DVD player and move on if it was meant to be he'll be back and then it will be your turn to say if you want him or not...
Comment from Lukntofnd
I say every woman out there needs to invest in two life saving books worth every penny!!! 1. He's just not that into you -by Greg Behrendt and Liz tuccillo (sex and the city) 2. Be honest- you're not that into him either by Ian Kerner Ph.D. Can be found in any bookstore. Raise your standards and reach for the love you deserve!! Read the books completely. I also got dumped via email (2 year relationship) he wanted kids I could no longer have. He was committing to her also to have kids (?) Where did you meet this guy? Could be the same one!!! Married and divorced in 3 months, good luck!! The right man will come along!
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