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Home > Feature Articles > Article > Readers Respond |
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 READERS RESPOND |
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Brenda Reviews Books - July 2005
Comment from admassey
I think the authors were very narrow in applying this book to men. Women do exactly the same thing. They will lead you on while "juggling" others till a better one comes along.
Comment from lukntofnd
I think every woman should read this book!!! You realize the signs were there all along ! And they should read -be honest your not that into him either-by Ian Kerner, ph.D if you haven't read it should wake up call to women and why we want that guy to want us when in reality we are just using him to not be alone
Comment from dragonfly777
I have read the book and I believe NOT all guys are like that. There are some that will do absolutely anything for their girl and still have those busy days when they're just too damn pooped out from work or too busy BUT that does not mean they're just not that into you. A female really needs to know the difference between the two and go with her feelings.
Comment from Nancy
This was the BEST money I've ever spent. I bought copies for all my single girlfriends. Even at 48 this book helped me tremendously! Buy it, Read it, Read it Again, Keep it in your car at all times for reference!
Comment from princess777
Some is good some is not for example I can understand becoming a Christian and still loving the person but not wanting to have sex because its against what the bible teaches. That's not an excuse.
Comment from Scott
Anyone currently dating in New York City must have a bias view. Send Liz to Tennessee to meet some real men.
Comment from Lizpam
It is quite good, it offers some objective insight to many of us who have learned after heartfelt falls. Yet there are a few men group that don't fall in between...those who are depressed, those who have lost their jobs, those who have been diagnosed with a fatal disease, those whose relative recently passed away...etc. An the list goes on and on. There are also women who feel perfectly well with sadomasochism...ahem, just to give an example. There are women who may have been forgiven and feel a tremendous amount of guilt or a relieving sense of justice by simply holding on to a guy who is falling apart. What I mean is that I read these books in series...so that I can have different perspectives. People are people and theories cannot be applied to them as if they were inside a cookie cutter box. However...stuff there is to rescue. I believe the big difference here is to understand the cool down approach men have as opposed to women. Most men who don't quite like someone, tell them to get lost or call him to tell him they are not that excited and they even become their friend. Most men will keep the game a bit longer to avoid conflict, enhance their self esteem and why not, (they are human) have some extra company or for those who are extra closer; sex, especially in the Hot sexy summers or cold winters. A couple of good pointers from this book are : the emotional distance...to exercise it and to use it when it is not safe around the relationship turf. I guess we woman learn that It is NOT sexy when a man is not into you... and when he doesn't call you he is not sexy at all. Quite true. Emotional and physical distance will indeed protect the person wanting.. whoever that is, meaning It will leave some emotional breathing space...this is what the book says. Tell them to get lost and being a bitch I feel is out of the question...if we are in a relationship it is because we love first and evaluate later... besides, doing so would be like going against human nature and instincts and all those mantras that say that forgiving is actually forgiving ourselves (I was in that page too, for too long, may be I should keep a book on living the moment and a book such as this equally handy). justice, may we call it so that it doesn't sound so bad...emotional shut down as a result of overbearing gestures of disregard...this scientific approach sounds better. One of the best ideas to rescue from this book is that, when a guy is in love, he will insist no matter what. And so will the Dominican man who tried to pick me up in the bus actually thought my "no" meant "yes" and he went on and on. But that is another story. When a woman is in love, they forgive no matter what. When a man is not sure, he will hesitate so for all those women who Love their mistreating dude, we are actually helping them if we pull the rug underneath the floor and tell them to get lost. I must insist; however, that there are bizillions of variables playing down or up in a relationship...so we may regret having pulled this rug for the rest of our lives.
Comment from rch4star
I did not read the book. But this article is written so well, & so accurate, that I copied it & will be passing it around to many friends who really need to understand this. I've already told them this myself, but I believe this confirmation, written so well, will help them see the light. Viva la Brenda Ross.
Yes I've read it--- what a load of horse **** , girls of course don't do the same thing to men ???? And expect every drink, meal etc. to be paid for by the man!!!
Comment from BreezN
I think the book is a good read and whether we want to admit it or not, we need to see it in black and white. I think we all tend to deny what we don't want to see when it comes to the person we are involved with. This book is relevant to every age group and should be handed to every girl before she goes on her first date.
Comment from NotDrPhilM
Okay, really, I saw this guy on Oprah one day and I can honestly say I am offended. This guy is a loser. He is misrepresenting a lot of us guys by his dorky, loser ways. All I kept hearing was stuff that had more to do with common sense. Yeah, he gives you the heads up which is respectable, but he isn't telling anyone anything new under the sun. He shouldn't have named it what he did. No, he should have named it something a lot simpler: 'Duh, stop reading this book and use your brain.' All of you women are a lot smarter than you want to show, stop messing with yourself and do something. It wasn't because he wasn't that into you, it was because he wanted to get laid and you didn't want to give it up.
Comment from krystalblueeyes
I have read the beginning of this book a couple of times because a friend of mine had bought it the night she spent the night with me. At first I thought she was crazy for buying a book with that kind of title; as in it was making fun of people with sucky love life's to begin with. I kind of laughed at her at first for buying the book and for being so down on herself, but in all truthfulness and reality was that she knew her problems and knew she had to deal with them in some sort of way. So I started reading this book realizing maybe that's just what's wrong with me, or every women for that matter, because how are women really supposed to know who we are destined for? You know? This book mentions love life on a reality bases but it doesn't seem to give us much hope on ever finding the right person and living a good life; and having a good love life in any women's future. One day I am going to go to Target and buy this book for myself just because maybe I could find a better understanding of the rest of the book. Yes, I know the truth sometimes hurts and once you come to terms with it, it shall set you free; but what about those who do find the love of their lives and they both put forth the same efforts to become one, and actually live great lives? I would like to know what those women do or have that I don't? I mean some women can be pulled in the wrong direction and be hurt so many times and think ''Well I am just not ''cut out'' for love, I guess.'' They start to feel so negative by the negativity that men put off towards them. A lot of women don't find that part of men very understandable so they put up their guard and expect or except that they'll never find another guy like the last before things got sour and feel deeply they'll never love again; or at least not quite like they used to. Could you please give me some insight on what I assume. Thanks!
I think its exploitation of an insecure female market.
Your culture has gone insane and you're all wankers.
Comment from zoemicmac
You think this is advice? Why can't men just be honest? After all it's them saying "I'll call you", or "I'm busy, but I'll call you" -- when we're supposed to be de-coding this man-speak to mean "he's just not in to you"??? What happened to adult communication? And what about the lead on by males - and then no follow-through? If you don't mean it - don't say it! Plain and simple!
This book is bogus -- plain and simple.
Comment from papeey
You don't really have to force things. Let her does her usual activities and do some other stuffs. Tell her she’s beautiful and a delicate person only that she" hurt right now so she need to concentrate on different things. Like making a new date. Why not me? I love for being sincere so this is why she is hurt. She doesn't like jumping here and there.
Comment from Cindrela
I love this book. My favorite quote is “Don’t waste the pretty"
Comment from indyred05
Loved the book and the reality check it forces women to have with themselves. I could see myself or my friends in each chapter as I read it.
Comment from claret36
Absolutely brilliant book!!! Gave me the push I needed to say good bye to someone who had been messing me around. I guess I wasn't so 'into him' that I would put up with broken promises and lies anymore.
Comment from wheezy
Yes, I have read this book. Truthfully it was a real eye opener; I could relate to many of the women in the scenarios and put myself in many of them. I cried and I laughed, but in the end walked away with a greater sense of my own self worth. Why was I waiting around for someone who was just not into "me"? Well now I have my answer, and have sworn to move on and enjoy life.
Comment from pbirns80
I bought this book back in May after having my therapist refer it to me. I had just gotten out of a relationship with my boyfriend and couldn't figure out what I had done so wrong to cause him to end things. After reading it I realized that maybe the truth wasn't I didn't do anything wrong, it’s that he just wasn't into me anymore. Since I then I have been on dates that I thought were going well and when they didn't call the next day I didn't dwell like I had in the past. I'm a great woman with a lot of great qualities and I will not settle for Mr. Not Interested. I deserve Mr. Man of my dreams.
Comment from smilesoirish
This is the most liberating book I have every read!! I firmly believe that every female needs to own this book. Women put up with too much bullshit from guys and we really need to learn to stop making excuses for them. Every woman needs to read this book! I HIGHLY recommend it!!
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