The Gift Of Shyness
(My Most Awkward Valentine's Day Ever)

Dad dropped me off in the parking lot, looking a little worried when I told him Eric would be driving us home. Actually, Dad looked a lot worried. There is something that basically changes forever the day you tell your parents that "not to worry, one of my friends will be driving, me home tonight". It's not like this is what you say to give them peace of mind. In fact, this is a good line to scare the living daylights out of any parents, anywhere.

It was Valentine's Eve, and I was going to Iceland to meet my soccer buds, Eric, Dave, and Tony Eric had been sixteen for all of two weeks. He was my first good friend to have a Driver's license. And we were out on a Friday night.

With a car.

Looking around in the crowded lot, I spotted them instantly. They all piled out of the car. Eric, Dave riding shotgun, and his younger brother Tony in the back. I yelled "Eric" across the row of parked vehicles.

And then, someone else got out of car, and I sort of cringed.

They had brought a girl! Now it's not like I disliked girls ... it was just lately, Eric always tried to invite girls wherever we went ANYWHERE, and frankly, I just didn't think it made a whole lot of sense. Every one of us always acted so different when girls were around. Like the whole evening became all about the girls. And Eric would act SOOOOO dorky. I mean, going out in a car was HUGE FUN ... didn't Eric see that? Why bring along girls? Having even ONE girl along just made the fun of having a car sort of weird and strange, almost "grown up". It's much more fun to just be 'us guys' in a car. I certainly never had as much fun when girls where there. Actually, I don't think any of us had nearly as much fun.

Except of course, the girls.

The girls always seemed to have a lot of fun. Because everybody always paid attention to them.

The absolute first thing I noticed about her was the way she laughed. She laughed more than she talked. In fact, she seemed to laugh and talked at the same time. It annoyed me that I thought she was pretty. Dorothy Hamill must have went to her same hairdresser. Who the hell is this laughing pretty girl with Dorothy Hamill hair that came to skate with us this Valentine's Eve?

I perused her with suspicion.

And then Eric said "Hi Rob, this is Katie" and I knew right away who she was, and that I would certainly dislike her, there could be no doubt.

Katie Dixon. Herb Stanten's ex girlfriend.

One thing was certain.

I was going to have no fun at Berkeley Iceland on this particular Valentines Night.

Herb had gone away to Stanford, graduating early. I had never really disliked Herb; I just never really liked him. Ok, I actually hated Herb. It was about two years ago that Herb had learned to be a Soccer Referee, and his first official attempt to be a referee was the Montera Jr. High School playoffs, and he called back not one, but TWO goals that I scored for being offsides. I mean, for me, scoring even ONE goal was a Major Sports Achievement. I had never before scored TWO in one game. And sure enough, Herb Stanten called them BOTH back! I still remember how he looked so ridiculous with his cheeks puffing and blowing his big silver whistle while his arms gesturing "offsides" in his official referee jersey. Herb was always so official about everything. How could the guy who single handedly took away my chances for All City Soccer and was nicknamed "Mr. Serious", have a girlfriend like Katie, who laughed and talked at the same time?

I stayed as far away as possible from Katie that whole evening, while I kept looking for reasons to not like her. I could not find ONE. She was fun, she was friendly, and worse of all ...whenever I would say ANYTHING, she would look at me and start with that giggle again. It just ANNOYED me that I found her so damn pretty, and that I could not stop watching her skating, as graceful as a dove.

I had been skating, maybe twice before in my life. The last time was five years earlier. Eric was a natural athlete, and Tony and Dave had grown up on skis. And not only was I painfully shy around girls, but shyer still around pretty ones ... and I was such a beginner Ice Skater that Eric actually had to help me lace the god damn skates. I skated around the edge of the rink clutching the wall, ankles trembling, slipping now and then. And then I would braved a few yards of "wall-less gliding" before stumbling onto the ice. I was in hell. I must have made two or three trips to the snack bar, played a little pinball, tried to hang around with Tony, who was equally shy. Except unlike me, Tony was a GREAT skater.

When the jukebox started to play "Color My World" by Chicago, and the light's lowered for "couple's skating", illuminating the silhouette of a reddish heart on the blue-white ice, I could feel a pit tighten in my stomach, dreading what was coming.

We skated with Katie in order of courage. I knew Eric far to well, and obviously, he went first. Eric didn't just skate with Katie ,he escorted her around the rink with "Eric-like" grace. Eric was always just a bit overly gentlemen-like with girls, not smooth at all. Like he made a little show of being a gentlemen, and wanted everyone to notice. Sort of "over gentlemen like' in a sarcastic sort of way. But girls loved it. It was a great shtick, one that he would use for the next few decades.

When Eric returned with Katie, for a fleeting moment, I thought maybe this would be enough of this I nonsense, but when Dave rose to greet them, and extended his hand to Katie, to take his turn, the growing pit in my stomach became even tighter. I felt like I was going to puke.

Eric laughed and turned towards me as Dave was taking his turn. "Isn't Katie great?". I'm not sure I ever hated Eric more than at that moment. Didn't he sense the panic surging inside of me? Why had he brought me to this horrid Ice prison this Valentines Day? Just so that I could demonstrate my skating incompetence to the pretty Girlfriend of the guy who called back the only two goals of my junior high school athletic career? What had I ever done to Eric? I thought he was my friend.

Dave returned, and now it was Tony's turn. His sheepish enthusiasm yet obvious skating skill made the pit start to noticeably throb. I had always liked Tony. But not anymore. Not after this day. I briefly considered bolting for the boy's room, but deep down, I knew the painful reality. My fate was certain, and there was no escape from what was sure to be.

I was going to have to skate with Katie Dixon.

I was terrified.

Seconds were hours as Tony and Katie approached the landing. I never hated Tony more in my life. He was skating, backwards now pulling her gracefully along towards him. It was my turn. I rose and stumbled onto the ice, trying my best to feign nonchalance, while wobbling uncontrollably toward Katie, who had skated ahead a little bit. She looked over her shoulder, with the friendliest smile I could imagine and extended her left hand for me to grab onto. As I extended my right, I could feel it shaking.

And not because it was cold.

And then Katie Dixon did something that would forever change our relationship. And maybe she didn't do it on purpose, or maybe she did. Or may be it was just meant to happen. Or maybe she was merely tired. I guess it's tiring when you are on a date with four 16 year old boys on Valentines Day. But it makes no difference why it happened. It just happened. Right when I was just about to catch up with her and g rasp her hand, more for support than anything, Katie did the thing that made me realize that this was just not some girl that Eric brought along. At that moment, Katie did the thing that forever sealed her into my heart.

Katie slipped and fell onto her butt.

It was not a graceful fall in any way. And her fall startled the awkwardness out of the moment. I immediately forgot that I didn't know how to skate and offered her my hand to help her up. And Katie looked up into my eyes with such mischievous gratitude and started laughing so happily, that I couldn't help but start laughing as well. More out of relief, than anything. And the more I laughed, the more she laughed, and the more she laughed, the more I laughed. We were two teenagers out on the ice, laughing.

And that was when I first noticed that Katie had a way of laughing that could only be described as conspiratorial. Like when you laughed with Katie, it was just the two of you laughing and nobody else in the Universe at your own private joke that nobody else could possibly understand.

And as she held my hand to stand up, she pulled me down, and as I fell, we laughed some more. We simply could not stop laughing. We laughed with the joy of being sixteen, and being clumsy, and finding someone to laugh with on Valentine's Day And when we both finally got up on our feet, and I skated Dorothy Hamill Jr. back to the landing, there was not even a shred of doubt in my brain.

I had just met somebody that I would know for a very, very long time.

Katie and I became friends after that. And she beat me at ping pong, and I went to watch her play volleyball, and she came and watched me play soccer. And we even went on a few "dates" together. And even though I never kissed her, Katie broke my heart a few years later.

As it should be.

All the great women in a man's life break their heart.

Every single one.

And the one's you have never kissed, are the one's you keep forever.

Happy Valentine's Day, Katie Dixon.

I'm so very glad you fell down, for had you not, I am certain we never would have been as special to one another as we have been for the past twenty years.

Thanks for teaching me how to appreciate the gift of my shyness that comes along with the pain of being overlooked for appearing awkward. Thanks for helping me recognize the sheer power of that gift, and to never lose it, nor to ignore what it means when that dreaded old foe reappears. As all that antique troublemaker is telling me ... is that the other person MATTERS. Nothing more. And as such, the foe becomes anything but...

Thanks for helping turn my shyness into such a loving old friend.

- by Rob Fulop, Featured Guest Writer.

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