Mirrored Mugs - Reflecting on Ourselves and Our Relationships


…is the image I'm making, the image I see… when the man in the mirror is talking to me?
              ~ Graham Nash…"Man in the Mirror"

As we sip from mirrored mugs we will transform the Café into a "House of Mirrors." Remember those? Where you see yourself as different images and different reflections? Guess what… that's exactly what we are to each other! Start looking at the universe as one big House of Mirrors and you can't help but have fun with this whole concept…you know what they say…mirrors don't lie.
 
At the Café, "mugs" are a double entendre. Mirrored mugs remind us that how we reflect our "mugs" (persona) to ourselves; so are we reflecting to each other. And, as a mirror attracts and reflects our image, we attract and reflect the image we have of ourselves - rendering each of us each others' mirrors. And we don't like looking in that "proverbial" mirror; do we? We like it even less when we "know" someone is holding up that proverbial mirror, huh! We knew this as kids, what happened?

I'm Rubber; You're Glue…

When we chanted "I'm rubber, you're glue, whatever you say bounces off of me and sticks to you"; we knew the other kids were attacking us but were really talking about themselves. We just didn't know we knew. We just knew this chant would make them go away. We were "mirroring". In uttering that chant, we were holding up a mirror…they had to run away because they didn't like what they saw. Well, the concept hasn't changed, and neither have our reactions. Therein lies the problem.
 
Fast forward to adulthood…The thing that should've changed is the running away part. As adults we can benefit from each other as mirrors. We need to learn to appreciate the "reflection" as constructive encouragement. While our background, experience, and circumstances shape who we are; we are responsible for who we become. Realize that our strongest mirrors are those closest to us - particularly in a relationship. Because we're each others' mirrors, what we mirror for each other are likely the very things that become relationship issues. Why? Because we forget we already know this "I'm rubber, you're glue" concept". Rather than see our partner as someone reflecting what we truly need to see and because we never learned how to stay and "communicate" - we do the "human nature" thing - we either run away from instead of looking IN the mirror or we verbally/emotionally attack our partner while donning our defense mechanism "mug".
 
But wait… when we attract a partner, we subconsciously ask them to be our mirror. So, why get so wrapped up being hurt and defensive forgetting this person cares and holds up our mirror with love; that we want each other to be their personal best; and we want that "connection" in our relationship?

Here's what's bizarre: if our boss holds up a mirror, in the form of a review, we listen intently and modify our behavior…we fear losing our job. If a friend holds up a mirror, we listen intently and modify our behavior…we're certain it's because they care and/or we fear losing our friend. If our partner holds up a mirror, whoa Nellie…we get defensive and attack without fear of losing our partner. Our fear of this mirror causes us to run away in the form of ending the relationship or forcing our partner to end the relationship. Just a tad out of whack, don't you think?
 
Psychological Mirrors
 
The psychological phenomenon: we typically "attract" a partner who most closely "mirrors" the character and behavior of the parent with whom we have unresolved issues. Surely some of you have heard your partner say "you're just like your mother". They're either right about you or you're just like their mother!

• We try to resolve the issue with our parent through our partner. We subconsciously choose a partner who "mirrors" that parents' behavior so we can recreate the scene and rewrite the ending the way we want the issue to be resolved. Trust me, this doesn't work. If you find yourself doing this - stop - create a whole new scene instead.

• We're probably a lot like the parent with whom we have issues. What we don't like about that parent is likely what we don't like about ourselves. Subconsciously we attract in others that which we have not learned to accept in ourselves; we attract a partner who "mirrors" us to be our teachers. Those things then become the very things we don't like about our partner 'cause we're reminded of that parent and/or we're not ready to "look in the mirror", yet we subliminally want our partner to teach us how to change those things.

The funniest comedians use psychological mirrors. That's why you laugh hardest at jokes where human nature is "mirrored". Think about sitcoms… the "sits" and "coms" characteristically mirror our society and attitudes. And parents… how many times have you said, "Do as I say, not as I do"? While you're chuckling at all this, you're realizing why, right?
 
Metaphysical Mirrors
 
The metaphysical community clarifies mirroring with Astrology and the Law of Attraction. In Astrology the "mug" you show the world is your Rising Sign. Your Rising Sign acts as a subconscious mask hiding aspects of your inner self you believe you have to "defend" - usually that which your partner is "mirroring".
 
The Law of Attraction maintains the universe is one big mirror - reflecting back whatever we characterize with a force greater than our own…hence the adage "you reap what you sow". What we attract perfectly "mirrors" the state of our beliefs and attitudes and we typically attract others who are at our similar stage of growth. In fact, people we enter relationships with mirror our thoughts, beliefs, and actions. Therefore, if what we attract is what we reflect it would behoove us to respect what we attract lest the "message" be that we don't respect ourselves.
 
We Just Grew Apart…
 
How many times have you heard couples who break-up or divorce say "we grew apart"? I say "hogwash"! Consider all of the above to be true and you'd have to agree; they didn't grow apart…they didn't grow together. Their "internal" attitudes changed at different times thus shifting their stage of growth causing a different "reflection", thus a need to "attract" a different mirror. Had the couple remembered the "I'm rubber; you're glue" thing and "communicated" they might have learned to grow together.
 
I'm Glue; You're Rubber…
 
I'd like to hear everyone chanting…"I'm glue, you're rubber"… to realize and accept we're all each others' mirrors…and that this is actually a good thing. Use this concept with your partner and "mirror" how you'd like to be treated. When the "mirroring" feels like a negative reflection, serve up another helping of Word Waffles and really communicate with each other.
 
Dessert… Mirrored Mug Musings
 
It all sounds very convoluted, doesn't it? Is your head spinning? Are you laughing yet? It's a combo-platter of all of the above, isn't it? Read this again - slowly - it will make sense!
 
As you ponder these concepts; consider this…the longer it takes to see who you are, the longer it takes to get what you want, and the longer it takes to create that Bogey and Bacall relationship we're whipping up at the Couples Café; so…you must remember this…the greatest aspect of ourselves is not what we see in the mirror, it's what's truly within our hearts…the real fun in Mirrored Mugs is to respectfully and lovingly hold the mirror for each other to mirror yourselves as the loving beings you really are!

"Reflect" on the following:

• Relationships mirror how we feel about ourselves…how do you feel about yourself?

• The way others see you is often not the way you see yourself…how do you see each other?

• Your life and "reality" are a reflection of your thoughts and beliefs…what are your thoughts and beliefs?

• To learn about yourself, create a list of everything you dislike in others…what do you dislike in others?

• Go to an Astrology website and learn about your Rising Sign…hey baby, what's your sign?

Romantic Tips
 
Get two mirrors the same diameter as your favorite coffee mugs' bottoms. Glue them to the inner bottom. You now have your very own Mirrored Mugs!!!
 
Brew a pot of your favorite coffee… ooh, use those chocolaty flavored stirring sticks too!!!
 
Getchurselves cozy…a little mood music…sip your coffee as you muse over your dessert reflections with each other!

- by Shari Moss, Featured Guest Writer

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