Valentine’s Day: Just Another Way to Torture Singles?

If you’re single, you’ve probably noticed how the world we live in promotes romantic ideals with all the subtlety of a steam roller. Whether we’re waiting at the top of the Empire State Building for Cary Grant or Tom Hanks, the message is clear: True love is a matter for precocious children and inept adults. No wonder so many of us have begun to feel we’re living in a world meant to torture singles into a perpetual state of uncertainty and trepidation (as well as the occasional reported onset of nausea).

It’s no wonder we feel confused by the constant bombardment of the “true-love-conquering-all” theme, on the one hand, and the endless barrage of the "sex-violence-deception" theme on the other. It’s no wonder we feel we’ve been thrown to the lions where clever advertisers would have us believe it’s more romantic to say marriage vows over a cell phone than face-to-face. And it therefore comes as no surprise that Valentine’s Day seems like just another well-thought-out torture device, a devious and clever present-day plot against happiness, for those of us who struggle with single-dom.

And, sadly enough, in an age where true love comes in the packaged form of chocolate cherries and heart-shaped boxes, it will also come as no surprise that for more and more of us it has become harder and harder to challenge this culturally encouraged status quo…even if it means continuing to face a lifetime alone.

But like anything else, there’s good news and bad news, so don’t get off the elevator yet.

I always find it’s better to start with the bad news. If this kind of thinking has you hooked, you’re probably been hooked for a while, and it might present a real challenge to imagine a simple way to unhook yourself from what have no doubt become feelings of desperation at one extreme or even plain old resignation at another. But the good news is that there is something quite simple that you can do to start seeing cherries where you’ve been seeing pits.

What is it? Start taking what I call THE BIG RISK.

What exactly is THE BIG RISK? Well, it is not the kind of risk you take when you go rock-climbing or belly-dancing for the first time. And it’s definitely not the kind where we ask you to go on more blind dates, start internet or speed dating, or take out personal ads. This is the kind of risk that will not only help you find your ideal partner, but can also help you begin to live your ideal life.

What we are referring to is the kind of simple yet profound risk you take when you begin to ask yourself the tough questions, like why you believe what your friends tell you, or why you believe there’s no such thing as a soul mate, or why you think it’s better to stay safe than take the risk of being hurt. Asking tough questions and living with what they make you think and feel is another kind of risk altogether; this is the kind of risk that can change your life just by asking the questions.

Which questions are the right ones to ask? Whatever ones are the hardest! Whichever ones cause you the most discomfort. Whichever ones make your body constrict with resistance. Because those are the ones worth pursuing, worth asking why. And those are the ones that will help you successfully switch to what I call "The Love Channel".

Questions that help you take The Big Risk and Make The Big Switch:

1. Am I getting cable or am I stuck in the land of black-and-white? When television came on the scene, three channels were a thrill. Now, with cable and satellite TV, we have hundreds to choose from. For a lot of us, even though we have more choice, we end up watching mostly the same old stuff. For some of us, no matter how much choice we have, we still complain we don’t have enough. And there are others who would rather go from channel to channel, surfing through hundreds, than stick with one to stay the course.
   
   In just the same way, we allow our own personal channels to get stuck on the same few thoughts, feelings, experiences, and expectations even though there is no end to what we could think, feel, experience or expect. It’s like watching and living the same few soap operas with the same, stagnant theme: "How to Live Life Alone and Lonely".
   Switching to cable’s ‘unlimited access package’ gives you access to previously unfathomable ideas, thoughts, feelings, and potential. You have the choice; now use it.
   
2. Is My Volume on Mute? When the sound of grass growing is louder than the voice of your own beliefs, it's time to turn the volume up so you can tune your own beliefs in. Are the values and beliefs you’ve internalized really yours - or have you simply slipped into them over time so that at this point they may seem like your own, they may feel like your own, and they may even have you convinced they are your own, but they’re really someone else’s cast-offs from a second-hand “thought market”?
   Remember, other voices may be louder, but that doesn’t mean they are necessarily worth their weight in ‘air’ time.
   
3. Am I watching re-runs? Seinfeld re-runs may be good for a laugh, but "thought re-runs" are good for only one thing - more of the same. Your thoughts have patterns all of their own, like ancient worn records. Their familiarity may provide comfort and a sense of continuity, but playing them over and over just deepens their grooves until they can no longer play music. It is when you begin to hear them for what they are ­ hollow echoes of a past that keep you in a rut ­ that you start to challenge their ability to rule your life.
   And finally,
   
4. Where do I start? By throwing away the remote, of course.
   Throwing away your personal “thought-remote” gives you the instant freedom to experience life in a whole new way, and with a whole new perspective!

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