“How soon long should I wait before having sex with someone new?” (Actually, truth be told, this question comes primarily from women. With few exceptions, for most men the answer to the question “How soon should you have sex?” is “How soon can I get it?”

Obviously, the “right time” between two consenting adults varies with every relationship. Some people think it’s okay to sleep with someone on the first date, others think nothing before marriage is acceptable. My own theory on the right time to do it for the first time falls somewhere in between tramp-o-rama and virgin nun.

If you’re just looking for a wild night, and a serious relationship or pesky moral dilemmas aren’t in the picture, then by all means, let the shirt buttons go flying. But, if what you’re looking for is a long-term relationship, you should wait to have sex until you’re in an exclusive relationship and hold off on doing the deed for at least a month.

No sex for the first month. Really.

Remember the old saying your mother, or grandmother used to repeat, “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” Well, like it or not, in theory, it still holds true today. Sure the sexual revolution has loosened things up a bit, but as we all know, that old double standard still exists. Sure, you can either sit there, mentally debating with me about why it’s unfair or wrong, or you can just smile and do what works. After all, what’s a little delayed gratification when we’re talking about the man or woman of your dreams? Whip out the fur-lined handcuffs and edible undies on your honeymoon, if you’re so inclined. The third date is not the time.

Okay, now try not to have a heart attack, it’s really not that bad. Once you start dating someone exclusively, one more month really isn’t that long to wait.

Why wait a month? The answer may surprise you. It has nothing to do with any moral issues, and it’s not about playing hard to get. It’s about chemistry. Brain chemistry.

The Love Drug

When women have sex, a chemical called Oxytocin is released in our brains. Scientists refer to it as the “Cuddle Hormone.” Why? Because it causes the affected person to get all sorts of mushy, googly, nesting romantic feelings. So what happens if you have sex too soon? A guy you thought was just so-so yesterday suddenly becomes Mr. Fabulous once you’ve had sex with him. Did he stop ending jokes with “get it?”, picking his nose or talking incessantly about his mother/pet iguana/job at the post office? No. The difference is sex. Doped up on Oxytocin, it’s much more difficult to judge whether or not he’s someone we really want to be with through the haze of googly-moogly romantic emotion.

The one-month sex embargo is just an extra measure of certainty, to make sure the guy is really someone you want to be involved with on that level of intimacy. How long you wait is up to you, as long as you wait at least a month. After the one-month mark, it will be abundantly clear to your man that you do not take this sex thing lightly, and that someone would have to be pretty darn special before you’d consider jumping into bed with him. And, you will have the opportunity to make your decision using your brain while it is still functioning properly.

Don’t worry if you think your guy will leave if you don’t have sex with him. After interviewing hundreds of men on the subject, I can tell you that this simply isn’t a factor. If he can’t wait until you’re ready, he certainly won’t be hanging around long after the deed is done. By waiting, you are sending a message to your guy that sex with you is something special, and he will have no choice but to believe you are worth the wait.

Nag. Nag. Nag. Safety first.

I would be remiss if I didn’t stress the importance of safe sex. Always, always, always use a condom until you are both

1) in a long-term, monogamous relationship and also

2) have both been tested and are clean for STDs.

If it freaks you out to buy condoms at the local Kroger with your yogurt and salad-by-the-pound, by all means order yourself a box from one of the many online drugstores. They’ll deliver right to your door, and even your postal worker won’t suspect a thing.

- by Lisa Daily, Featured Guest Writer

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Many guys that are looking for a woman to catch and keep will be put off by certain personalities and behavior patterns. Learn what will send him running in a heart beat!

Dating various people should be undertaken in a manner whereby each date is assessed on their individual qualities and strengths and not immediately categorized. Progressing on to a second or third date with the same person will uncover more of their true self. So what are the warning signs men look out for?

The flirting butterfly

If there was no flirting and playfulness between a guy and girl no-one would ever get together. Flirting and teasing is all part of the signs of attraction. Flirting allows us to assess someone’s charm and funny side, or whether they are shy or extroverted.

In a new and developing relationship, a woman that flirts out of habit or need rather than based on a case by case situation should indicate danger signs for the man. It’s a given that the man has earned the right to be the main focus of affections if a commitment has been established. A woman that can’t help touching others and tosses her hair whenever she talks to someone, soon becomes old news real fast…A guy will start to wonder how he can get this same attention from his girl.

Overnight commitment

There are certain words that should not, under any circumstances, be used on a first, second or third date. And even the forth date for that matter. We are talking about the words marriage, potential children, in-laws or names of future co-owned pets. Putting pressure on a guy from the outset is a big romance killer. A woman who is too quick out of the blocks sends signs of desperation and insecurity.

Your own shadow is enough, you don’t need two.

A woman who tries to shadow your every move and can’t do anything without the presence of her man will see him run a country mile. She likes everything you like, attaches herself to your friends leaving hers behind, calls you 10 times a day backed up by text messages, says “I love you” after each and every phone call – it’s nice to be told you’re loved but 10 times a day kind of takes the specialness out of it.

A women that relies on you to fill every aspect of her life should spell a worrying signal to any man that values some level of independence and space. Her demands will make you very resentful – get out while you can!

Party Girls

It’s every mans dream to meet a girl that is funny, happy-go-lucky with a wild side. Men can’t help but show interest in someone who is popular and interesting. Being involved in a relationship with someone who is the town socialite might seem like a good idea at the time, but do guys want their girl going out to parties and night clubs until 4am every weekend – no, they don’t. Without sounding like all men are jealous and un-trusting, it’s more about having a respect for your partner and the relationship that has been committed to.

Someone whose whole life is scheduled around partying signifies they are missing fundamental self inner peace qualities and needs constant hits of artificial happiness or good times to avoid depressive behavior. And what is she really like once the party is over?

The Chatter Box

Men love women who are relaxed and down to earth. There is someone utterly annoying when a woman simply cannot stop talking long enough to take a breath. The moment she walks through the door or as soon as she gets in the car, it’s blah blah blah, chat chat chat, yak yak yak.

In all honesty, what could have happened in the last day or two since you last saw each other that could fill up hours of non-stop chatter? Nothing, because she is too self absorbed with spewing out every little insignificant detail and insight of her life. These types of women often ask very few questions about you and your world, making it near impossible to have a healthy two way conversation.

Finding the right woman

If you have a habit of attracting women that fall into these categories, trying searching through some online dating sites and chat online to some single girls in order to determine the duds from the good ones before meeting them in person.

One of the golden rules any relationships expert will tell you is that one’s core personality should never try to be changed, why? because it can’t be changed. We also know that no woman or man is perfect, but these distinctive personality types show signs of a long hard road ahead.

AskHeartBeat.com article

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Becoming fluent in body language will ensure that you will be skilled in attracting the right man and sending the get lost signal to the wrong man.

This is the language where you don’t need any words. Women have been doing it for hundreds of years to attract the man they want. Becoming fluent in body language will ensure that you will be skilled in attracting the right man and sending the get lost signal to the wrong man.

Eyeing Up the Prize

The more eye contact you establish with the target the better. Start with some sidelong glances. Then, begin with direct eye contact. Once he turns to meet your gaze, immediately lower your eyes and smile to yourself. This will tell him that you were watching him and are embarrassed that he caught you — a sure sign of interest. Next, be bold and try holding his stare and flash a smile.

If there is a man that is giving you the eye and you are not interested, look away from him and don’t look back at him again. While having a conversation, looking at the ceiling and around the room also shows a definite lack of interest.

First Impressions Count

You leave your home ready to go to a party when you spot your gorgeous neighbor and he doesn’t give you a second glance. Why? Because you aren’t dressed your best. When you enter a room, most people look to see who has come in. This is when you have to make an impression. Looking your best will make you feel your best. So make sure that before you leave your front door, look your best. You never know. You just might just attract the attention of that gorgeous neighbor.

The Hand Job (no, not what you are thinking!)

Even without direct contact, your hands can send very powerful messages. There are a number of ways to convey that you want to get to know someone. Keeping your hands unclenched shows you’re open to him. Using your hands to caress objects, such as the rim of your glass, locks of your hair, or the sleeve of your blouse in a rhythmic (as opposed to fidgety) manner, can be a sensual act. And for the brave, try picking fluff off his jacket, touching him to punctuate a point, or using the “accidental touch” when reaching for the salt.

Hands jammed in pockets, cleaning eyeglasses or balled in tight fists are all bad signs. Finger tapping, drumming, pointing or wagging are also signals to move on.

Stand Out

Your posture is one of the most telling signals you transmit. An open posture is evidence of an open person. Turning your body toward the man you’re conversing with, keeping your feet flat on the floor and leaning forward are actions that show interest. Also, slightly tilting your head, crossing and uncrossing your legs and thrusting your chest forward give the message that you are interested.

Crossing your arms, holding a drink high in front of you, turning your body away or resting your feet on their toes will tell a person you are not interested.

A Few Extra Tips

Hopefully by now you have an attack plan for when it’s time to get down and dirty, or when it’s best just to wave the white flag. Here are just a few more tips when trying to perfect your body language skills:

• You’ll know things are going really well when you begin “mirroring” one another’s body language and gestures.

• Don’t tease him by offering more than you plan to follow through with. This can lead to very ugly circumstances.

• Chain smoking, being extremely intoxicated, or having eyes only for your plate of food will not put you in the best standingfor the body language game.

• If you try your hand at it, and he’s not responding, abort the mission immediately.

• Following him around all night will only serve in making you look needy and desperate.

And finally, if all else fails, buy yourself a T-shirt that reads, “Looking for Love.”

Article from TopDatingTips.com

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Want to become a love magnet? Want to attract true love or improve your relationship?

Good, because you deserve to be loved! And, lucky you, I will show you how to attract that love by working on the person you see when you look in the mirror.

That’s right. Although you’re seeking love from another person, you will be more likely to get the love and attention you deserve by first growing within.

Here are the six steps you need to take to help you grow in just the right way. These steps will groom you to attract and engender love.

1. Figure out your relationship pattern
If you are not attracting the right partners or not getting enough love in your relationship, it’s probably not the first time in your life. If that’s the case, then it’s likely you have relationship patterns that are preventing you from attracting the right partner or preventing you from behaving in a way that causes love.

2. Let go of your past
Most people collect unpleasantness without realizing it. Every time something unpleasant happens to you, it goes into a huge sack of other unpleasantness weighing heavily on your back. You can’t move forward in life, and especially in relationships, with this baggage. You can’t move forward emotionally any better than if you had a real sack weighing 100 pounds on your back. Even if you don’t feel the weight most of the time — you will feel it in relationships. It feels like excessive anger, excessive need to control others, reactiveness, fear and anxiety. Want to drop this weight? Learn to let go of the unpleasantness in your life and in your past, and I mean really let go.

3. Delve into your needs
Everyone has needs — that’s a part of human nature. In fact, our needs facilitate relationships. The giver and the receiver both feel better and more connected when each other’s needs are voiced and met. Yet most of us are uncomfortable asking others to meet our needs. At the same time, we all enter relationships to get our needs met. See the paradox? Figure out your needs, figure out which ones need to be met by your partner and which ones need to be met by other people. Get them met!

4. Draw your boundaries
Boundaries are there to protect you, and to help you honor your needs and wants, not your “shoulds.” You have boundaries when you can choose to say yes or no to something, someone or a situation. You have boundaries when you can stop a situation that is hurting you. You have boundaries when you know your needs and ask others to respect them. Having boundaries makes you discerning, gives you self-respect, and inspires other people to both respect you and treat you well.

5. Know what you want
Know what you want in a partner and in a relationship. Be careful that what you want is not a fantasy, unrealistic standards of perfection, or a set of low expectations. Look at the relationships you value most and model your love relationship after those. Keep out people who are not a match, invite in those who are. Stop doing behaviors that sabotage what you want in your relationship and instead take action to create what you want.

6. Get connected
Build a community. Get people into your life to meet your needs, to support you, to nourish you. Many people want to simply find “the one” or hope they have found “the one”, and then proceed to isolate themselves. What a stress on a relationship! Can you put all of your needs, wants, desires, and interests on one person? Do you think all of your needs will somehow be met by one Prince or Princess Charming? We are all social animals in need of community. We have way too many needs for one person to meet them all. Get connected, and stay connected.

- by Rinatta Paries , Featured Guest Writer

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What are some of the biggest deal-breakers when it comes to dating? This article describes the characteristics and traits people consider most important when dating someone.

Dating dislikes are a very personal. The things one person loves someone their mate can be the cause for divorce for another couple. You may love the way they smile with one gold tooth, wink from under their glasses, flick their dyed orange hair or paint their nails blue, and that is your prerogative. But there are some common things we all look for when dating someone.

1. The top of the dating dislikes list is hygiene. You may laugh at this, but it is often overlooked, especially by men. Getting ready for a date doesn’t just mean a quick rake of the hair and the straightening of a T shirt. Remember, first impressions count and may be the only impression you leave. Before a date, get yourself to the chemist and then to the bathroom and put some effort into your appearance. Have a shave, wash your hair, scrub behind your ears and get suited up. It is your chance to shine, so make sure you are indeed shining. You may be a jeans and t-shirt kind of guy, and that’s OK. Just brush your teeth for two straight minutes, wear deodorant and nice aftershave, and put on a neat shirt.
2. Clothes are big dating dislikes. The wrong clothes that is. It is amazing the number of times I have witnessed a good looking girl dressed immaculately only to discover her new man wearing an anorak in a trendy bar, a dirty t-shirt in a restaurant or ratty jeans to the theater. It’s very disheartening. The fact is, how you look on a first date is very important, because it’s time for both of you to shine. You don’t need to be wearing Gucci or Armani, though it can help on occasions, and you should be comfortable. Business casual can be good depending on your date. This is often why I recommend going on a first date at lunch during the week. You are already dressed for work so you may already be wearing a neat outfit. If your job is manual and you get dirty, leave the first date until evening. But for men, you should wear a button-down shirt and trousers and look presentable. No garish Hawaii kit at this stage. For women, something understated but stylish is best. Too tight, too short or too fashionable may leave you feeling wrongly dressed for the wrong date and wishing you hadn’t bothered.
3. Money is a big issue that can end up on the one in the dating dislikes list. Too flashy and it looks conceited. Too downtrodden and you’re out, especially if you’re a guy. Too much chatting about cash is no fun, but too little ambition is a turn off. To be safe, keep your cash conversations to a zero level and enjoy your date together. If you want to talk about ambitions, avoid chatting about your burning desire for a Lear Jet and house in the Hamptons. If you aspire to be Donald Trump, cool, but don’t ram it down your date’s throat. Money, contrary to popular opinion, doesn’t impress at first, it simply polarizes people. It can leave your date feeling very uncomfortable no matter which direction you go. If you are dating someone outside of your financial class, don’t try and pretend you’re something you aren’t. Instead always keep to something affordable, because you are spending time with someone, not their wallet or purse. If you do happen to be a millionaire, keep that under wraps your 4th date.
4. Lying. Many people tell lies on dates even though it’s a huge dating dislike. They do this because they want to appear exciting, invigorating and interesting. This means that some of the things you are told are not true or only partially true. In a good dating scenario, these little white lies get played out with a laughter and good conversation, and the truth escapes as you both relax. Though they might be entertaining, little white lies could put you on the path towards dating disaster. People are seeking honesty because it is one of the basic building blocks for any new relationship. Get caught later and you may be in trouble.
5. Getting drunk can put you on the true path to dating disaster. If you’re a young student, most dating occurs near the many bars near your college campus, and I for one have many fond memories of those dates. However, as we get older, things get a little more serious and we need to keep out wits about us. Girlfriends have told me that the most promising dates they have been on ended up in the gutter because their dates got smashed on vodka or beer. Of course the biggest reason people get drunk on dates is nerves. Many people are far more relaxed after a drink or too. It calms your nerves and fears and promotes a feeling of confidence. In that sense, a drink is good for dating, if it ends after one. If you go too far in the early stages of dating, you can simply end up undoing all your good work. If you are nervous, you can end up drinking too much and making a fool of yourself. So whilst drinking can be fine, leave it out at this stage of your dating game plan.

Article from TopDatingTips.com

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As someone who has written the profiles of men all around the world, I am often asked the question, “What goes into creating a highly effective profile?”

People naturally want to know if there is a magic formula that will attract the opposite sex every time.  The answer is yes and no.  Creating an online dating profile that will attract the opposite sex can be done with ease.  However, it will only be effective if every other aspect of your online dating life is up to standard.  This means that your messages and pictures must pass the test as well.

With that said, allow me to introduce to you the process by which I create profiles from all around the world!

1. I start out by asking online daters up to 30 questions.  Each question is designed to get to know the most interesting aspects of the person whose profile is being written.  Why?  This is the best way to truly process who a person is, and what a person is all about.  So if you are at home trying to create a profile, ask yourself interesting questions such as, “Where do I see myself in five years?” “What are my most exciting qualities?”  Etc.  Figuring out what makes you who you are is the first step.
2. The second step I take when writing profiles is using the process of elimination.  With close to thirty answers worth of responses, I gage the responses to see what will fit the best together, what will create the most attraction, and what information will be most interesting overall.  Only the best of the best aspects of your past, present, and future will make the final cut.  So scan your answers and ask yourself the question, “What will my potential dates find the most interesting about me?
3. The third step will be to start organizing my information.  In essence, I create a rough draft.  Start playing around with what you are writing and try to write in a manner that is fluent, coherent, and holds interest the whole time.   There may be tons of great information, but a disorganized and illogical profile will not hold the readers interest.  Especially in the fast-paced ADD driven world we live in these days!
4. Take everything you have written and start infusing attraction into it.  Men must understand what turns on women and vice versa.  We need to use qualities in our writing that brings attraction to the forefront.  For example, guys out there should be using plenty of humor, establish that they are extremely confident, and attempt to appear as if they are in high demand by females and society in general.  Women should create attraction by writing interesting things about themselves and by showing that they are diverse.  Many women tend to wrote overly simplistic profiles, knowing they will get responses simply because they are female.  Do not do this.  Take the time to spark that attraction!
5. Proof read.  The process doesn’t end when you complete your profile.  It’s not complete until you have proof read it to death.  On average, I will edit and change up a profile four or five times before the product is complete.  It must sound absolutely perfect.  In addition, any mistakes will make you appear lazy, and send negative signals to the opposite sex.  So read the profile aloud to yourself a few times, and ask yourself the question, “Does I sound like a person someone would be interested in?”

When it comes down to it, all of us can write a masterful profile that will gain the attention of those we seek most.  It mainly comes down to planning, effort, and more effort.  Good luck!

Resource:

Joshua Pompey is author of The REAL Online Game Series, and head of a top notch profile writing service.

For more information, click online dating advice (please link online dating advice to http://www.therealonlinedatinggame.com) or online dating tips. (Please link online dating tips to http://www.therealonlinedatinggame.com/online-dating-tips/)

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Attention all Men:

The only thing standing between you and dating smoking hot-chicks is your beliefs, and not knowing a few little tricks. If you want to learn both, right now, then read every word of this article by David D. You’ll learn how to trigger that emotion called ATTRACTION, so that when the day comes that you meet a TRULY AMAZING woman, you’ll know what to do to get and KEEP her.

The Ten Reasons Why HIGHLY INTELLIGENT Men Fail With Women… AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT…

I’ve been teaching men how to become more successful with women and dating for a several years now… and one “problem scenario” just keeps coming up OVER AND OVER… and OVER and OVER and OVER again…

…and it really amazes me.

I’M GOING TO REFER TO IS AS “THE GENIUS FAILURE PARADOX”

“The Genius Failure Paradox” is the tendency for UNUSUALLY intelligent men to have very LOW levels of success with women and dating.

After contemplating this particular paradox, discussing it, and working on it for an awesome amount of time, I’d like to share my thoughts about it with you.

I assume that if you’ve read this far, then you see probably yourself as smarter than the average guy.

You know that you’re a little different than other guys.

You probably realized at a young age that you saw things differently, and thought differently than others in school…

And you’ve probably realized that your smart mind gives you an advantage over others in many areas of life…

Your smart mind gives you a particular type of advantage that can be very, very powerful in life:

YOU’RE USUALLY RIGHT.

Smart people get used to being “right”, because they usually ARE right.

And when you’re RIGHT more often than others, you can get ahead in many situations.

But unfortunately, this smart mind of yours can actually be WORSE than USELESS when it comes to a key area of life:

WOMEN AND DATING.

By the way, I did say WORSE than useless.

It can actually be like having a hammer when you need to tighten a bolt. If you use the tool you have for the job, you’ll most likely make the situation WORSE.

Of course, it’s hard for a smart guy to even IMAGINE a situation where his smart mind could HURT his chances for success…

But trust me, this is one of those situations.

So relax, open your smart mind, and let me share with you the ten reasons why smart guys fail with women… and what to do about it.

REASON #1: THEY’RE WRONG, BUT THEY CAN’T OR
WON’T SEE IT OR ADMIT IT

I mentioned that smart guys are used to being RIGHT in most situations.

And what do most smart guys do when they come across a situation where they’re WRONG?

They find a new situation… one that fits their strength. They know they’ll be right next time, so they just walk away… knowing that it won’t be long before they’re right again.

(OR they let the “problem situation” destroy them… more on that later.)

Well, the BITCH about being wrong when it comes to women and dating is THERE’S NOWHERE TO RUN AND HIDE.

There’s no quick “I’m right” around the next corner to make you feel better.

It only takes “failing” with a few women in a row for a smart guy to see the pattern… and realize that something isn’t working.

Solution? Think harder.

A smart guy just assumes that his logic must be good… so he just keeps thinking harder.

But when no success comes, it really starts to become mentally difficult.

Accepting that you’re wrong is a VERY hard thing for a “smart guy”.

Accepting that you’re not only wrong, but you have NO CLUE WHERE TO EVEN START is even more difficult.

Ultimately, many smart guys come up with the following logical conclusion:

I AM A SMART GUY, THEREFORE IF I CAN’T FIGURE OUT HOW TO BE SUCCESSFUL WITH WOMEN AND DATING, THEN THE PROBLEM MUST NOT BE SOLVABLE OR WORTH SOLVING.

Try that on for a self-defeating idea.

REASON #2: THEY’RE BLIND AND ARROGANT

In short, many smart guys refuse to accept that a good, solid, workable answer could come from someone “dumber” than them, so they discount any idea that comes from an “obviously less intelligent person” before trying it.

Let me ask you a question:

If you were going to be walking across Africa on foot, would you rather have your guide be the guy on this planet with the highest I.Q., or a caveman who lived a million years ago that had an I.Q. of about 50… but who grew up being chased by lions and all kinds of animals that wanted to eat him all his life?

It’s an interesting question.

Now, hopefully you’d like to have the guide who isn’t the smartest guy around… but who has escaped from many, many dangerous situations with deadly animals…

But now let me ask you:

If you’d like to learn how to be more successful with women and dating, would you take advice from a guy who isn’t very intelligent, but who knows how to attract women?

There’s something about being smart that makes some guys unwilling to accept input, ideas, or instruction from anyone who isn’t either as smart or smarter than them.

Well, any SMART GUY can see the folly in this particular approach… once it’s examined closely.

If you’ve been making this mistake, then you need to STOP IT. Stop being an arrogant bastard, and open your eyes.

Look around.

Learn from some “dumb” guys… and let them teach you how to get what you REALLY want.

REASON #3: POOR SOCIAL SKILLS

It BLOWS MY MIND how many smart guys I meet that just don’t GET IT when it comes to basic social skills.

It’s as if they have logically reasoned that social skills are for lower beings who need to play games… and not worth the time it would take to learn them.

In fact, I believe that there are a lot of smart guys running around this planet who don’t even have “social skills” and “be a cool guy that people like” in their “MENTAL MODEL” of what it could possibly take to be successful with women and dating.

Social skills are just that… SKILLS.

They’re not social INFORMATION.

They’re not social THEORIES.

They’re social SKILLS.

And you don’t get them by THINKING about them. You get them by GETTING them.

Excellent social skills are the foundation for good communication with other humans… and if you don’t have good social skills, you dramatically lower your chances for success with women.

REASON #4: THEY PSYCH THEMSELVES OUT

Smart guys do something that fascinates the hell out of me…

They come up with all the reasons why everything WON’T WORK when it comes to women and dating.

They actually figure out why what they would like to do will probably fail…

They use their amazing creative imaginations to imagine all kinds of horrible pictures and scenes… and then they use those imaginary outcomes to create negative emotions… which ultimately stop them from having success with women and dating.

THEY DON’T EVEN TRY.

Now, if you’ve thought something through and come up with a good reason why it would fail, it makes sense to not do it, right?

I mean, why would you want to do things that are going to fail?

It’s sound logic, but HORRIBLE thinking when it comes to the REAL WORLD… and success with women.

Because smart guys don’t UNDERSTAND women, and they don’t UNDERSTAND what it takes to be successful with women, they are working with bad figures. They’re wrong before they even start figuring!

Using your mind to come up with all the reasons why things won’t work in this area of your life leads to ULTIMATE FAILURE.

You must learn to overcome this habit if you have it.

REASON #5: THEY SEEK ONLY “INFORMATIONAL SOLUTIONS”

What does a smart guy do when he runs into a problem… or he needs to figure something out?

He looks for INFORMATION to help him solve the problem.

MORE INFORMATION is always the answer.

Information is the friend of a smart guy.

Got a strange virus on your computer? Just hop on the internet and search for how to eliminate it.

Don’t know how to change the alternator on your car? No prob. Just buy the manual and turn to page 147.

Don’t know the definition of a word? Open up your dictionary.

MORE INFORMATION solves the problem.

So what do smart guys do when it comes to overcoming a problem with women?

They want MORE INFORMATION.

They think the answer lies in learning just ONE MORE TECHNIQUE… or one more magic concept.

Well what if there were a situation in life where the “get more information” strategy actually made things WORSE?

How would you even know that it was making things worse?

Now, I don’t want to suggest that learning more about how to be successful with women is a bad thing. It’s not.

But if you have a problem that is EMOTIONAL or PHYSICAL in nature, then reading five million theories on it probably isn’t going to help you very much.

You need to get out in the real world and try some stuff!

YOU NEED TO LOOK AT THE REAL PROBLEM… THE ROOT OF THE PROBLEM.

When it comes to women and dating, there’s a very good chance that you have MORE than enough “information”.

Smart guys often use “more information” to distract them from TAKING ACTION.

I’ve heard this referred to as “Creative Avoidance”.

Nod silently if you’ve ever figured out a creative way to avoid facing something in your life.

Good, thank you.

REASON #6: THEY FOCUS ON LOGIC INSTEAD OF EMOTION

NEWS JUST IN: Women don’t feel ATTRACTION for men who make them THINK.

Women feel ATTRACTION for men who make them FEEL.

SO WHAT DO MOST SMART GUYS DO WHEN THEY FIRST MEET A WOMAN?

EXACTLY!

They get into a LOGICAL CONVERSATION.

I’m shaking my head right now…

Smart men try to engage women in LOGICAL conversations and interactions because that’s where THEY feel comfortable… not knowing that they’re SHOOTING THEMSEVES IN THE FOOT by doing it!

Get this: A monkey sitting at a typewriter will type the collected works of Shakespeare before you will make a woman feel ATTRACTION for you by engaging her in logical conversation.

When you start a logical conversation with a woman you’ve just met, you are basically taking out a NEON SIGN that says “I don’t get it when it comes to women” and putting it on your head.

Typical “logical” conversations include talking about work, family, school, and jobs… discussing politics, religion, weather… and anything that has to do with math, science, or INTELLIGENCE.

On the other hand, if you start talking to a woman and you say “OK, so tell me something… Why is it that all women say that they want sweet, nice guys… but they all date sexy, selfish bad boys?” (and then make fun of any answer she gives) you’re having an EMOTIONAL conversation.

If you don’t know what I’m talking about, keep reading. You need more help than I thought.

REASON #7: THEY’RE NOT USED TO THE CHALLENGE OF THE MOMENT

Smart people usually have time to THINK about things.

If you’re taking a test, you can sit there and work out the answers.

If you have a math problem, you can work on it until you’ve figured it out.

If you’re trying to fix something, you can keep working on it until it’s fixed.

Smart guys are used to being able to take at least a LITTLE bit of time to prepare and show off their “good sides” in most situations.

Not so with women…

If you don’t know what to do at every step along the way, you’ll be shut down very quickly.

Women have an AMAZING “He doesn’t get it” radar system.

Women have all kinds of subtle and ingenious tests that they throw at men to separate the “get its” from the “don’t get its”.

And if you don’t get it, then you’re going to fail one of these tests VERY quickly.

But the worst part is that you won’t ever KNOW that you were being tested… OR that you failed.

Smart guys aren’t used to dealing with complex EMOTIONAL and COMMUNICATION challenges in the moment… and especially the “women and dating” kind.

One of they keys to becoming more successful with women and dating is learning to handle all of the tests that women throw at you effortlessly.

But before you can learn how to deal with the tests, you must first learn how to communicate on an emotional level, how to demonstrate that you have fundamental social skills, and how to keep your cool in the moment.

REASON #8: THEY THINK THAT DOING “NICE” THINGS IS THE “SMART WAY”

OK, let me ask you a trick question:

If I told you that you were going to have a date with the supermodel of your choice, which of the following would you choose as a “smart” way of preparing:

1) Find out what her favorite type of flowers are, and show up with a dozen of them so she would be “wowed”.

2) Learn about her favorite travel destination so you could discuss it with her.

3) Find out what her favorite type of food is so you could take her to dinner… and she could see that you cared enough to choose something that she enjoyed.

OK, time’s up. Which did you choose?

Now, I already mentioned that this was a TRICK question.

The answer is NONE OF THE ABOVE.

But WHY?

These three options all seemed logical, right?

I mean, why WOULDN’T you want to show up with her favorite flowers?

Why WOULDN’T you want to talk about her favorite places to travel?

Why WOULDN’T you want to take her to eat her favorite foods so she enjoyed herself?

Go with me here…

Smart guys think that they’re being CLEVER when they do things like buying a woman her favorite flowers… and bringing them to the FIRST DATE.

Right?

In their minds, they’re thinking “I’m going to be the guy who is thinking ahead… and I’m going to show up with the flowers that I KNOW she loves… and she’s going to see them and like me more because of it”.

Makes sense… good math, right?

Well the one teensy-weensy mistake that these “smart” guys make is not realizing that it doesn’t actually take a smart person to think like this!

IN FACT, ANY JACKASS CAN FIGURE OUT HOW TO KISS A WOMAN’S ASS.

And guess what?

WOMEN KNOW THIS!

And guess what else?

EVERY WUSSBAG DOES THIS STUFF.

An intelligent guy, in his proud arrogance, will think he’s being such the charmer by using this “thoughtful” approach…

…and the woman he is chasing will interpret it as just another Wussy who’s trying to MANIPULATE her.

Ouch. Another blow to intelligence.

Reason #9: ALWAYS NEEDING TO BE THE EXPERT

Have you ever met a smart guy who always needed to be “right”?

Have you ever met someone who would actually argue with you about something they knew nothing about… and make a fool of themselves because they just couldn’t shut their “smart mouths”?

Over the last few years helping guys improve their success with women, I see this one pattern over and over again…

Smart guys don’t like to be “beginners” at ANYTHING.

They don’t like the idea of screwing up… especially if others are watching.

They want to maintain this “smart guy” image of themselves… so they try to always be “The Expert” at whatever they do.

Instead of saying “Hey, you know what? I’m a beginner at this… how do I do it? What should I do first? What next?”… and instead of being totally OK with screwing up, making mistakes, and making a fool of themselves in front of others in order to LEARN…

…they won’t risk embarrassment, failure, or others thinking that they’re beginners… so they wind up ultimately FAILING.

MORE NEWS JUST IN: It’s OK to be a beginner.

Reason #10: THEY CAN’T DEAL WITH FEAR AND OTHER EMOTIONS

A smart guy’s STRENGTH is his MIND.

His WEAKNESS is often his EMOTIONS.

Smart guys are often IMMOBILIZED by FEAR.

Totally stopped.

FROZEN.

And since many smart guys aren’t comfortable dealing with things they’re not good at, they just repress or RUN away from fear.

Many men would rather DIE in lonely isolation than admit that they don’t know how to deal with their emotions… or, GODFORBID, ask for help!

Hey, I went for YEARS like this.

I know what it’s like.

But the reality is that any guy can learn to handle and even MASTER his emotions (even fear)… if he just takes the time and effort to learn HOW to do it.

If this is you, then do yourself a big favor… take the time. Take the effort.

Don’t worry about what anyone else thinks of you… it doesn’t matter.

What matters is you doing the things that YOU need to do FOR YOU.

…I think the reason why I’m so fascinated with “The Genius Failure Paradox” is because I have had to struggle with all of these issues for a lot of years of my life.

Now, I’m not saying that I’m the smartest guy on the planet…

But I don’t think mamma raised no fool.

And it always bothered the hell out of me that even though I was so good at figuring things out, I couldn’t figure WOMEN out.

SOMETHING TELLS ME THAT YOU KNOW WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT.

Well, after beating my head against the wall for a few years… trying all kinds of crazy “logical” stuff… I finally got the “bright” idea to start studying guys who were “naturally” good with women.

Of course, I found out that you could be both NOT SMART, and VERY SUCCESSFUL WITH WOMEN at the same time.

I also learned that you can be SMART and VERY SUCCESSFUL WITH WOMEN too.

By carefully studying what the “naturals” did with women… and learning how they “thought” about the topic, I began to realize that success with women wasn’t entirely LOGICAL.

Much of what I learned was very tough for me to accept… because my logical brain just didn’t want to buy into it.

One thing I saw was guys pushing women away from them… and having the women then chase them in response.

Made no sense at all.

I saw guys tease beautiful women and make jokes about them to their faces… and then watched those women become “little girls” in response… unable to maintain their composure, and therefore unable to maintain their manipulative power…

It took me quite a long time, but I continued to learn, test, and refine what I was learning until I personally figured out how to approach women in any situation… get any woman’s number I wanted anytime I wanted… date any type of woman I wanted…

…and most importantly, GET RID of that “empty” feeling that I carried around my whole life because I didn’t know how to attract women.

And once I got this area of my own life together, I decided to help other guys get this area of THEIR lives together.

The ultimate result of all this time, effort, and energy is my free Dating Tips Newsletter.

AND I’D LIKE TO INVITE YOU TO SIGN UP.

It’s free, there’s no obligation, I’ll never share your email address with anyone, and you can easily remove yourself anytime with no hassles (and no, I’ll never pull any of these tricks where I send you a bunch of unwanted junk email when you try to remove yourself).

Of course, it even gets better than that…

In addition to my free Dating Tips newsletter, I also have a killer downloadable eBook that you can download right now and be reading in literally MINUTES from right now.

It’s JAM PACKED with dozens and dozens of specific strategies for overcoming fear, approaching women, getting phone numbers and email address from women quickly, great inexpensive or even free date ideas, and how to take things to a “physical” level smoothly and easily.

To sign up for my free newsletter AND download your copy of my online eBook, just go here:

•  Free Dating Tips Newsletter And Download eBook •

I’ll talk to you again soon.

Your Friend,
David DeAngelo
David DeAngelo is the author of “Double Your Dating -  What Every Man Should Know About How To Be Successful With Women”, and has taught thousands of men how to be more successful with women and dating.

Have any comments? Care to add your suggestions or own personal experiences?

Feel free to write in the comments section below.

Wise men have said that talking is for the birds, the more you talk the less you know what you’re talking about. But if you must talk to women…

Un-learn what is Learned:
Remember the elementary school teacher who scolded the loudest kid in class for talking too much? Well, little did we know that he turned out to be a very successful macker, a 1st class charmer who can mesmerize his way up a woman’s skirt by words alone! The power of the spoken word if used correctly can replace many inherent flaws in a man’s personality. It is amazing how a woman can fall in love or forgive if she is spoken to properly. Since we can command words and “make reality” through them, we can tell the most astounding stories of our life and blow them completely out of proportion for dramatic effect, with a touch of charm and humor of course.

Here’s a scenario. And I assume that you are proficient with the basics, so let me just cut to the chase. You’re at a party, a club, you feel that you’ve ample confidence so much so that it oozes out every orifice on your body. You scan the vicinity and catches a potential target. Eye contact established, all is good, she gives you the go-ahead. You bust your classic moves and swing right next to her. You start a conversation with positive initial response. A minute into the conversation, oh shit! You stumbled upon yourself for an instance, “what do I say next?” Your mind just collapsed and went numb and crapped out on you like a warm can of flat beer on a hot summer’s night. This is a crucial moment, and you know it too. You wonder why you’re not feeling the buzz from the alcohol anymore. Your actions suddenly become very unnatural, awkward, cat’s got your tongue, you get tense and all the while the girl’s radar is PICKING everything up. She looks at you really strangely, fakes a smile just to be polite, and walks away. Has this ever happened to you?

Doomed from the Get-Go:
Lots of guys spend fortunes dolling up, buying flashy cars, sniffing through GQ to get the latest fashion tips and try to imitate them, etc, etc, so they can feel confident going into a club. Then the moment they set foot into that club with their 5 star get-up their fate is once again immediately reduced to that of a beggar on the street, a leaf in the wind. How pathetic is that? The fact is that they are doomed from the beginning because their focus has been set on the wrong angle. What good would a thousand dollar suit do if one can’t talk properly to a woman to get her aroused?

The Key:
The most essential component to talking successfully with a woman is “self indulgence”. Talk without listening to what you’re saying. Talk without listening to what she’s saying. Talk for the sake of exercising your mouth, just like our little elementary school friend who won’t stop jibba-jabbing, but he was extremely popular. Once you stop to re-evaluate what you’ve just said to the girl, forget it. That split second of mental reflection is what stops the mind. In fact, don’t even think. Many men claim that they act smoother around women after a few drinks. Of course, it retards the thinking process, and what’s left is pure action. Experienced women often advise men to not think and just act. Now we know why. Provided that you’re a sane individual, talking without thinking won’t yield any harm. How often do we hear the term ”stop to think.” That’s what happens, if you want to think you just have to stop. Applying that to a situation when meeting a woman, you begin to think you lose the momentum. Game’s over.

You may like to add smothering charm to your repertoire like a James Bond. Or you might just want to bust out the Billy Bob Thornton style, that’s up to you. Ultimately, your personality will dictate which way of talking you will use.

In the final analysis, dear friends, it is not WHAT you say that impresses a woman, it is THE FEELING behind what you say that ignites her on fire; the feeling of your emotional experience that you’re relating to her vacuums her buttocks to the seat with her eyes hanging on to your every word. Hell, you can talk about your grandma’s liposuction operation if you want, but if you can deliver the dramatic performance in your words, she’ll fall in love with you without even knowing why. What women absorb is not what you’re actually saying, but the emotional energy generated through what you’re saying. The reality is that women usually don’t give a good pit bull’s ass what you’re rambling on about. If they actually listened to men, I LOVE LUCY wouldn’t be such a big hit. And why do you think girls love movie stars? I know a barn full of guys who are better looking than Ben Affleck or Brat Pitt, so it’s not really the looks. The fact of the matter is that a good performer COMMANDS the emotional experience of his audience.

The majority of men put emphasis on what they are saying, how fantastic their job is, how exciting their trip to the Caribbean was, blah blah blah. Understanding the psychology of women, we must realize that they are emotional beings. They are attracted to emotional impulses. Use this knowledge to your advantage my friends. You may say that because of man’s quest for logic and systematization of reason, he lost his ability to express feeling. Men’s feelings are volcanic, they come out in bursts or explosions, because most of the time they are pent up inside, unlike women whose feelings are released gradually with a more natural flow. That’s why we appear to be the “aggressive” type. Only real feeling can build a kind of momentum in a conversation, an emotional weight that women long to be crushed by.

Making the Impact:
Put real feeling and passion into what you’re saying, and just say whatever the heck spills out. Screw those dudes next to you cracking jokes about you. They’re losers. Be yourself completely. The magic of this technique is that at a certain point your natural conversational skills take over and you’ll be astonished at how smoothly you come across with surgical precision aimed directly at the girl’s heart. What conversational skills you might ask? Well, any man who can talk to himself and understands what he is saying HAS natural conversational skills. Make a show for the girl you’re hitting on. This approach dissolves the entire room because you just got all her attention. She might laugh and think you’re weird, but she will not forget you. Chances are she will want to get to know you. And even more likely is that she will find you attractively outrageous and courageous unlike all the other wallflowers holding beers in their hands trying to look cool and nonchalant making the whole club look like a bouncers’ reunion. Use personal discretion, you don’t need to act extraordinarily outlandish to make your mark. This can be a subtle affair, you don’t need to say a lot, however, you should FEEL a lot when you say something.

The Critical Differentiation:
Most men just shoot the breeze. You have to put the “walk the walk” into the “talk the talk.” People will tell you that you need to be a good listener in order to be a good talker…dung from a bull. To be a good talker all you need to be is a good talker! We must de-construct all the crap we’ve been conditioned to learn. Only one thing determines a good talk from a regular talker. One has emotions in his words that electrify the listener, the other just talks nonsense with a deadpan expression on his face. The amazing truth is, you don’t even need to make sense as long as you can pack the yoda force in your speech.

- by Odi Jin, Featured Guest Writer

Have any comments? Care to add your suggestions or own personal experiences?

Feel free to write in the comments section below.

What’s the consensus? Should guys buy women drinks?

***QUESTION***

Dave, your work has really changed my life. A buddy of mine introduced me to the whole C&F deal, signed me up for your newsletters, and I’ve recently purchased the books. I’m now currently passing on the ways of The Force to a complete wussbag friend who, like me, was brought up to treat women nicely and avoid talking about sexual things because it’s “too forward”. Well, as you’re covered a million times, we’re programmed  by our mothers to be total wussies from the day we’re born. I realized that in my past when I’ve not cared  and was totally C&F and she got it, I ended up on  dates. Unfortunately, I didn’t know better back then and would morph into wuss mode because “it’s  what they want” and eventually I was just another friend. Anyway, it hasn’t taken long for much of  your teachings to make sense. The more I bust their balls the better things always seem, and  when I can’t find the ball busting material I pull the James Bond stance, cock the head to one side,  and stand near them like I know they want it… and I’m just the man to give it to them! Believe  me guys, exuding confidence is by far the biggest  improvement you’ll make to your game.

Ok, on to the success story. First, I met this  fairly hot chick (7.5) at the bar a couple weeks back. At first I was out of it, didn’t know what  to say (was a long day), and when my buddy was working her friend I just wandered off after just  saying hi. I got my beer, wandered back after taking a time out to come up with a few lines and  that’s when things got interesting. I could tell
that she was sorta confused that I just said hi  and walked off and didn’t just stay there while my buddy worked. Awesome. So I come back, busted on  her a bunch, then wandered off… again. In the  mean time my buddy was still struggling away with her chunky and not-so-hot friend. Sidenote: he’s  the “wuss” I refer to earlier that I’m currently trying to train. Things move on, I go talk to my other buddies who are with us, see her on the  dance floor (buddy still in tow with “The Friend”), and now I’m getting warmed up with the C&F. I see this dude with the ugliest sweater ever created, point it out to her, and I asked her  if she thought he had skinned his couch to make that thing. She loved it, got the e-mail, and the  rest is history in progress. Dropped her quite a few cocky e-mails, she sent the phone number… To close this up, two comments and a question. First, it’s strange but true that when you ignore  them they pay more attention to you. Second, had
she not played the “we’re drunk, lets not have  sex” card I would have surely closed the deal… on our first time out after the bar meeting.  Dave, your teachings are truly amazing. I do have one question for you. I KNOW you’re not  supposed to buy everything because it’s wussy (and expensive), but what do you do when you’re out, you get round one because you lost a bet to this chick, and when round two comes she just sits there expecting you to buy? Fortunately, she’s a cheap drunk, but unfortunately I bought all the booze that night. I went as far as looking at her and saying “well I guess I’ve got this round too, huh?” when she sat there. Like I said, round one was on me because of a bet and that’s all I wanted to pay for. I want to go out with her again, but I don’t want to get stuck with a $50 dinner tab.  Thanks for any advice.

JMS
Detroit

>>>MY COMMENTS:

Well, I’d first like to comment on your story  of how you met this particular girl. You’ve really provided a great example of how  to be very DIFFERENT than most guys, and how to integrate a lot of my ideas together and successfully apply them. The idea of walking up to a woman, saying “hi”,
and then WALKING AWAY is great (only if you’re reasonably sure that you’re going to see her again… like in a typical bar scenario). What do MOST guys do? They start talking to a woman, KEEP talking to  her, try to get a “normal” conversation going, try to buy her a drink, etc. In your case, you TEASED her mind by doing  something unexpected… you said hi, then walked away. This leaves her to wonder things like: “Why did he leave?” “Maybe he thought I was attractive, but then when I opened my mouth he didn’t like my personality.” “Why didn’t he offer to buy me a drink or come on to me like the other guys here?” …etc. etc. etc.

The point is that when you start talking, then  walk away, then start talking again, then walk away it demonstrates that you’re VERY different  from the other guys in the bar who are all acting the same. It shows that you have self control, that you  have things to do, that you could take her or
leave her…

And when you ADD to this the Cocky & Funny attitude and humor, it creates a VERY unusual experience for the woman… she’s now talking to a guy who seems TOTALLY in control of himself… a  guy who is not only unpredictable, but is also interesting and funny to talk to (good things, by
the way).

Next, your idea of making a bet to see who buys the drinks is GREAT. I really like it. If I were you, I’d just keep betting for each round of drinks… hey, if it worked once, why stop? It keeps things fun as well.

And if you’re going to KEEP paying for drinks, you need to say “So what am I going to get out of this deal? Don’t think just because I’m buying you a drink that I’m going to take you home with me.”

Tell her that she owes you a two hour full-body  massage in return. Tell her that you can BUY a woman in other parts of the world for the price of her bar tab.

OK, one of the things you mentioned was that  she said: “We’re drunk, let’s not have sex”. If I were you, I’d get out the bonus booklet  that you got when you downloaded Double Your Dating… the one called “Sex Secrets”. The  problem you were most likely dealing with is that you made some type of sexual advance before she  was EMOTIONALLY and PHYSICALLY turned on enough.

When you really pay attention to what I teach in Sex Secrets, you’ll begin to understand how to really AMPLIFY and accelerate her arousal, and how to get her to the point where SHE is the one that’s telling YOU that she wants to move to the  next step (and she’ll be telling you with her body most likely, not her words). Go read it again.

And to address your question about paying for drinks and dates… The reality of the situation is that most women EXPECT a man to pay for a date.

I’ve had this conversation with MANY, MANY women, and when I challenge them and explain that it sets up an imbalance when a man starts paying for things in the beginning, most women start saying things like:

“I don’t like cheap men.”

“A gentleman will always pay for a lady.”

“I don’t want a guy who can’t afford to take me out.”

“I don’t want a guy that I have to support.”

“A guy is lucky to be with me, and he should pay.”

I can feel the hair standing up on the backs of the necks of men and women all over the world who are reading this right now.

To be fair, I have met SEVERAL women who disagree with this kind of thinking… women who are independent, self sufficient, and who aren’t interested in finding a guy who will pay their way.

But in GENERAL, this is what you’re going to run into.

Many women actually don’t think of it as a man “paying” for them. They don’t even think about the money itself.

They actually believe that a “gentleman” is supposed to always be the one who pays… that it was HIM who offered to take HER out… and that just because she’s female that she deserves to be treated to free food and entertainment.

HELL, MY OWN MOM EVEN THINKS THIS WAY! lol…

(I think it’s funny now, but I wish she would have told me what was REALLY going on about 20 years ago, instead of making me figure it all out myself.)

Am I starting to rant?

OK, random thought:

If a woman says “Just because a guy takes me out and buys me a nice dinner doesn’t mean I’m going to sleep with him”, does that mean what she’s really saying is that SOMETIMES when a man takes her out and buys her dinner that it means she’s going to sleep with him?

WHATEVER.

Now that we’ve talked psychology, let’s talk action.

In my humble, personal opinion, the best way to avoid having to pay for a woman’s dinner is to NOT TAKE HER OUT TO DINNER IN THE FIRST PLACE.

I know that it seems obvious, and you’ve heard me say this in 100 different ways, but you REALLY CAN avoid paying for things by just avoiding the SITUATIONS.

If you don’t want to pay for drinks, don’t go  to bars.

If you don’t want to pay for dinner, don’t go out to restaurants.

If you don’t want to pay for diamonds, avoid jewelry stores.

There are a MILLION other great ideas out there, and a MILLION other MORE INTERESTING things to do.

And remember the most IMPORTANT reason why you don’t want to start by paying for things:

IT SETS YOU UP AS A PROVIDER IN HER MIND.

Don’t worry about PAYING for things, only be concerned with creating the emotion called ATTRACTION inside of her. That’s it.

If she feels a powerful emotional ATTRACTION for you, then nothing else matters.

Look around.

There are beautiful, intelligent, successful women that you probably know RIGHT NOW who are with guys who mistreat them… guys who the women even have to support entirely in many cases…

WHY?

Well, it all started with ATTRACTION.

Do three things:

1) Avoid traditional situations that automatically set you up to pay for things.

2) Think through and plan interesting experiences for women. Go places and do things that naturally  create an interesting, fun time… and avoid places that naturally create a tense, uncomfortable atmosphere.

3) Download your copy of my original eBook “Double Your Dating” right now. It’s the best way to learn the basics of how to be successful with women and dating. You can be reading it within a few minutes. It’s here:

•  Free Dating Tips Newsletter And Download eBook •

David DeAngelo is the author of “Double Your Dating -  What Every Man Should Know About How To Be Successful With Women”, and has taught thousands of men how to be more successful with women and dating.

Have any comments? Care to add your suggestions or own personal experiences?

Feel free to write in the comments section below.

Find out how to create an undeniable magnetic force between yourself and the apple of your eye..

I’d like to tell you a story…

It’s a story that you might find strangely familiar. Don’t be alarmed.

Once upon a time, there was a woman who was very attracted to a particular man.

At first, he was just another attractive man… but the more she got to know him, the more she began to feel attracted to him… and the more time she spent with him, the more that attraction grew into a deep emotional attachment and affection for him.

But there was one problem.

As her emotional attachment grew stronger and stronger, she also grew more and more insecure.

Why?

Because she couldn’t tell whether or not he felt the same way towards her.

Sometimes he would talk to her and say things that led her to believe that they shared a special connection, but nothing ever progressed past the “friendship” stage.

There was an occasional glance, an occasional email or call from him… and a few times, he even opened up about something personal or emotional, and invited her “inside” for a little while.

But something was wrong with the picture.

He just wasn’t acting like a man who was “falling in love”. He was acting like a friend, but at times, even more distant than a friend would be.

And things seemed to be hot and cold. Sometimes he would look at her and talk to her, and sometimes he would ignore her and close himself off.

The insecurity that she felt from all this, became a spiral that amplified itself… and the more insecure she became, the more afraid she grew of “screwing things up” or “scaring him off”, by starting conversations or asking him if he was interested in her and why he didn’t ask her out.

Plus, the more insecure she became, the less time he seemed to want to spend with her.

After spending days and nights obsessing over this guy, the woman finally arrived at the conclusion that if he only knew how SHE FELT, that he would feel the same way.

So she made a bold move.

She TOLD HIM how she felt.

She confessed her feelings and let him know that she wanted to be with him.

He responded by flirting with her and he spent some time alone with her, and they even kissed and held each other.

But soon after, he quickly withdrew, didn’t call her and wasn’t really “available” to her.

This only confused the woman more.

She didn’t know how to take it…

Did it mean that he really loved her too, but that he was afraid of something?

Did it mean that he wasn’t ready for a long-term relationship?

Did it mean that he didn’t love her, and that he was trying to give her a hint?

Did it mean that she hadn’t tried hard enough?

Did it mean that she needed to put everything on the line and REALLY let him know how she felt?

She finally decided that she couldn’t go on like this anymore… she had to be with him.

She had to make sure that he knew just how much she wanted to be with him… so she took a big step, bought him a symbolic gift and wrote him a letter… again confessing her feelings.

And then, something unthinkable happened.

Either he didn’t reply at all… (Ouch!)

Or he replied and she connected with him on an emotional and physical level for a brief time, but then he backed away.

Then she called him a couple of times, the following week before reaching him.

He made an excuse about being very busy and said, “I’ll try to give you a call soon, I have to go”… and hung up… but she never got a call back.

Over the following months, the woman tried desperately to understand what went wrong… and what happened.

THE END…

OK, I’m back.

Now, wasn’t that a sweet story?

Heartwarming, huh?

I know; I should keep my day job, and not take-up writing romance novels…

Now, let’s talk about that story.

That story is basically a MYTH.

But I’m not talking about FICTION here.

I’m talking about a story that rings true for lots of women. A story that is timeless. A story that resonates at a deep level, because you can IDENTIFY with it.

And why does this particular story resonate for some women?

Because lots of women have been there in one way or another… at one time or another… and many have been there OFTEN in their lives.

Another thing that gives this particular story a lot of power, is the powerful negative emotions that it stirs… as a result of the powerful negative experiences that it brings back…

Stories and situations like this one, really FASCINATE me.

They fascinate me, because I see them as an opportunity to UNDERSTAND and SOLVE the puzzles that they represent.

In this particular situation, I think there is a solution.

It lies in understanding a SECRET that lots of WOMEN DON’T GET.

That secret comes down to the reality that if a man isn’t ATTRACTED to a woman, all of her attempts to confess her love, convince him to like her and court her, BACKFIRE.

In other words, they not only DON’T WORK; they actually make things WORSE.

In other words, the very things that a woman does to try to make a man LIKE HER, make him NOT like her.

They make him run.

All of those great intentions and emotional dedication actually cause the woman feeling them, to do things that make the man go away.

It sucks!

But it’s a strangely common dynamic, that also takes place inside dating situations and new relationships without women (or men) really being aware of it, and understanding what’s going on.

And I hope that by explaining the process of how this happens to you, that I’ll help you avoid this painful situation in your own future…

And maybe you can start to understand what’s going on a little better, if you think about what it’s like when a man you’re NOT attracted to, desperately wants your attention, affection and your time.

Have you ever had a guy pursue you?

As he’s trying to get your attention, approval and affection, all of his pleading and effort just seems to bug you more and make you want to get away.

Even if all he’s doing, is telling you great things about yourself and how he feels about you?

Strange and interesting…

Choices And The Paradox Of Attraction

I’m always fascinated by the idea that we humans don’t always understand the message that we’re communicating to others…

So often we think that because we WANT to communicate a message, that others are going to NATURALLY understand what we’re trying to say.

Have you ever seen a woman who dresses over-the-top sexy and wears way to much make-up?

Have you ever thought to yourself, “I don’t think that her appearance is communicating the message to men that she thinks it is”…?

Yeah, I have too.

Well, here’s the deal:

If you do something to “let a man know how you feel” … but he isn’t open to the situation at that time, or he isn’t ATTRACTED to you, then it’s going to backfire.

It’s going to trigger a feeling for the man, that I like to call the “Instant Ewww”.

The “Instant Ewww” is just as powerful as the physical and emotional response of ATTRACTION.

Once a man feels it, YOU’RE DONE.

It’s over.

It’s like hammering a RAILROAD SPIKE into the coffin.

Once a man feels the “Instant Ewww”, he’ll start behaving differently.

In short, he’ll back off or even disappear.

So where did I get the concept of the “Instant Ewww”?

I got it from watching WOMEN.

I have actually heard SEVERAL women use the word “Ewww”, when describing how they felt about a guy that was “confessing his love”… and of course, these were guys that weren’t loved in return by the woman.

Men do the same kind of thing with a woman they’re not attracted to.

Often they try to be “nice” about it. They let the attention pump up their ego a bit, and then they create what is often an unconscious barrier in their mind, that closes off communication or contact with her.

And the resulting vacuum sound you hear, is what’s happening as any ATTRACTION and interest he might have felt, evaporates.

So what causes the “Instant Ewww”?

And why would a man feel it, towards a woman who was trying to be nice… a woman who was giving him attention, a gift or telling him how she feels?

Because if you think about it from HIS perspective, you’ll realize that the moment you do something to “confess”, you’ve created a TURNING POINT in the relationship.

Up until that point, you were harmless.

I mean, men know when they are getting some “special attention” from a woman.

And they usually know it from the beginning.

But now that you’ve started pursuing him and talking about how you feel, you’ve created a NEGATIVE TENSION that can be VERY uncomfortable.

You’ve triggered an emotion that can actually repel a man and make him even more detached from his emotions.

Here’s the thing…

You can’t “make a man like you” or “change how he feels about you”, by doing nice things for him.

Doing “nice” things for a man who isn’t attracted to you, HURTS you. It backfires. Worse, it creates the “Instant Ewww” feeling, that makes it so he’ll perhaps NEVER like you.

Men are the worst at this, by the way.

They make this mistake over and over again in life, because they’re doing what MAKES SENSE to them. They’re doing it, because they don’t have an understanding of ATTRACTION.

I mean, if you have a friend and you like them, and you want to make them like you more… and you do some nice things for them, they will probably like you more.

On the other hand…

If you have a man that you “like” in a romantic way, and he doesn’t “feel it” for you, and you do something nice for him, because you want HIM to like you more, it will BACKFIRE… and he will not only NOT like you more, but he will most likely distance himself from you.

Women think that they need to communicate verbally when they like a man… as if that’s part of the necessary process of getting a guy.

In their minds, it goes like this:

Like him>Tell him you like him>He likes you

Well, remember… if you follow this pattern, yourself, with men who aren’t already ATTRACTED to you, then it’s going to BACKFIRE.

If he’s not into you, then it goes like THIS:

He thinks of you as a friend>You tell him you like him>He gets the “Instant Ewwws” and withdraws…

THE ANSWER

There are really TWO answers to this problem.

The first answer, is what to do if you’re in a situation where you like a particular guy, but you don’t know if he likes you back.

DON’T GET HEAVY WITH HIM.

Don’t buy him a big gift, do something nice to show him how much you think about him or write him a love letter…

Don’t send him a note to his work that says, “From your secret admirer”.

Don’t call him several times, without hearing from him.

And DON’T CONFESS YOUR LOVE for him.

If you want to know how he feels about you, do something to ATTRACT HIM and see how he reacts instead of telling him you love him and hearing the crickets chirp as you wait for his response.

As a rule of thumb, don’t get heavier than HIM. Use SIGNALS from him to find out how he feels… and if you don’t know how to read and create those signals, then LEARN.

Asking a man if he’s interested in you in a romantic way, or if you are “his type”, will actually DESTROY the chances that his attraction and interest in you will grow.

Really.

The SECOND answer, is to not get into this particular situation in the FIRST PLACE. Avoid it entirely.

And how does one do that?

One does that by creating ATTRACTION from the beginning.

One does that by understanding the dynamics of how and why men have the physical and emotional response of ATTRACTION triggered.

One does that by knowing what you’re doing FROM THE BEGINNING.

And what’s the best way to learn THAT skill?

I thought you’d never ask…

Well, I’ve written about attraction before and I’ll write about it again.

In my eBook, I talk about some of the very best ways to learn how to make man feel ATTRACTION for you.

But above and beyond the meeting and attracting men “stuff”, I also talk about how attraction, communication, psychology and emotions all play into the longer term “stuff” around dating, and creating a solid foundation for a future relationship.

In my eBook, I go deep inside the mind of a man to tell you the secrets and truths that lots of women will never know about.

The eBook is called “Catch Him And Keep Him”.

I’ve spent several years now, studying the ways that women (and men) who are “naturals”, communicate using their words, voice tone and body language.

The way they integrate all these, makes them MAGNETIC to be around. And you probably know what I’m talking about, if you know any women who seem “lucky in love”. Where everything involving men seems to come easily and effortlessly to them.

And I’ll tell you… it’s not magic.

You don’t have to be gorgeous or young.

And you don’t have to be LUCKY.

What you DO have to do is LEARN.

It’s a skill, and I honestly believe that ANY woman can learn it if she wants.

But you’re not likely to figure it out by “trial and error”. Many of the keys to making men feel ATTRACTION and want to be around you for the long-term aren’t “obvious”, at all.

In fact, many of them make no sense… and they’re the LAST thing you’d do in a particular situation, if you didn’t know the SECRETS.

For more about these secrets, go check out my eBook.

It’s jam-packed with insights, concepts, tips and secrets.

Go here to check it out:

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And I’ll talk to you again soon.

Your Friend,
Christian Carter

Have any comments? Care to add your suggestions or own personal experiences?

Feel free to write in the comments section below.